"Can We Talk About The Truth...?"

I don't think this appeal applies to most of the visitors to this blog, but if only one person benefits from this, then it was worth my time in sharing my thoughts about this.

I often struggle with certain stereotypes, especially those ascribed to gay men in particular.  So let's begin with what a stereotype is:

In social psychology, a stereotype is a fixed, over generalized belief about a particular group or class of people. By stereotyping we infer that a person has a whole range of characteristics and abilities that we assume all members of that group have. For example, a “hells angel” biker dresses in leather.

I am a black man, and there are numerous stereotypes attached to this innate truth... For instance, before meeting me, people assume that I might speak "ebonically-correct" english...  I don't, my vernacular is far closer to the "King's English," and interestingly, people have often commented with surprise on this since it opposes a stereotype they have in their mind. I also happen to be a "same-gender-loving" person, and I very definitely and generally choose to identify myself this way as opposed to as "gay" because I don't want people to ascribe to me some of the most commonly believed (and in my mind, negative) "gay" stereotypes.  Perhaps the most significant of these is the belief that "gay" men are sex obsessed, promiscuous and are generally unable or unwilling to maintain long-term monogamous relationships.  And this begs the question of where did this stereotype come from...?  The answer is of course as with all stereotypes, history and often some significant amount of at least anecdotal truth.

The History: For most of contemporary history, being gay has been negatively viewed as an aberration at best and an abomination at worst. As such, we've throughout this time, hidden ourselves from society to the best of our ability.  Everyone knew that we were always there, laws were passed to criminalize even our existence... there even arose quaint descriptions of us, think, "Oh Uncle Johnny is a 'confirmed bachelor.'"  So, in the cold light of day, we for the most part in the eyes of society weren't allowed to even exist.

The Truth: Well, to turn off one's sex drive is to turn off the strongest of the instincts innate in all living things, including we who are human... for the most part, an impossible feat.  So although for most of contemporary history, while some gay men have been able to overrule this instinct, most of us have not and this brings us to what we've done throughout this long history, albeit in the dark and in the shadows.  

There have always been parks and greenspaces, molly houses and later other cruising grounds like bars and clubs, where despite society's disapproval, we've gathered to perhaps socialize, but more importantly and ultimately found opportunities to fulfill our sexual desires.  Since society until only recently has denied us what I believe is the normal human progression of affection, sex, bonding and ultimately life partnership (marriage), our only outlet for our instinctual drive has been sex for the sake of sex, usually with multiple and often anonymous sex partners.  This has only been exacerbated in the current era with the rise of tech and in the case of gay men who fit these stereotypes, apps like Grindr which only exists to facilitate anonymous, promiscuous sexual encounters.

So What?:  Well, since the arrival of the sexual revolution in the 1960s and the concurrent gay liberation movement and its impact on gay men (freedom to act on sexual desire, if not love), we've in many ways internalized, adopted and co-oped the behaviors that grew out of historical necessity, but which have now put us at risk time and time again.  Because of the wide-spread hyper-sexualized attitudes of many gay men, we've become the "canary in the coal mine" of disease transmission.  One need look back only one generation to see the impact of such behaviors.  That HIV and AIDS found its foothold in the human population through the promiscuity of gay men was not surprising to Dr. Fauci and other researched who fought the disease despite a lack of political will to act.  And unsurprisingly, this disease pattern has repeated itself many times, remember how before the pandemic, we were worried about super gonorrhea and hepatitis?  Well, now, monkey pox has found in gay men an easy vector to enter the human population.

In this current outbreak, experts say that monkeypox is a disease predominantly spread through sexual networks of men who have sex with men. Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men are the high-risk group, and of the roughly 8 million men who have sex with men in the U.S., approximately 1 in every 750 caught monkeypox in the month of August. That group is about 350 times more likely to catch monkeypox than women or heterosexual men who are a part of the low-risk group and whose chances of catching monkeypox last month were about 1 in 260,000.

Source:  What Are Your Chances of Catching Monkeypox? - NPR.org

So Why Should You Care?: I'm not sure you should... but maybe in light of the above you should at least think about it.  I don't propose to declare that gay men and our culture are the only problem, but I do know that the world (at least in the West) has changed enough that we no longer need to preclude a hope for love, bonding and a safe monogamous long-term relationship.  I'm encouraged that this latest generation has a chance to experience love 'first' and can do so with more freedom than every generation of gay men that came before them.  I am confident that in time, homophobia, fear, hate and the behaviors they promote will diminish and be forgotten.  I believe a day will arrive when the only thing that matters in human relationships will be love.  In the meantime, give some thought to what's truly important in life.

"Fear Eats the Soul"