"The Truth About Who We Are..."

Destin, Fashion Designer, Phnom Penh, Cambodia
by thegaymenproject
photos by Kevin Truong

Destin in his own words: "(The gay community in Phnom Penh) is secret. But it is much better now because of social networks. Some (gay men) feel not so sure, but it's much better than before. But it is still secret because they are afraid of parents or family.

(I knew I was gay) a long time. In my social life, for about ten years. For me, I feel I am ok. I'm 50/50. 50/50 means I don't care about people talking about I'm gay or whatever, I know myself and whatever I like is whatever I want. But I don't show off to my parents as well.

For me, I don't require much. I like people who I like. The best things that I like are appearance or characteristics, morality as well, I don't want to be with gangsters, it is not my type. Simple for me and easy going (is best).

(With regards to successes) I think my tailor business is going well because it is the fifth year. And now I have another business, it is a gay friendly coffee gallery. It is a new flavor in town, Strange Fruit, it is just opening but I hope it is going to be more and more successful.

(Advice to my younger self) Be good, be happy."

"The Truth About Who We Are..."

David, Actor, New York City
by thegaymenproject
photos by Kevin Truong

David, in his own words: "Being gay is a great blessing. I feel that gay men are forced to confront their shadows at an early age and in ways that straight men, by and large don’t have to. We have to scrutinize our very identity as men and learn what that means to be ourselves. It’s a very personal journey of self-realization, self-acceptance and self-actualization. It can be daunting, heart-breaking, frightening, exciting, astonishing and deeply spiritual.

My journey was not easy. I didn’t come out to myself till I was in my mid-twenties and then to my parents in my late 20s. I had suppressed my gay nature all through adolescence and college; keeping my eye on the prize of making myself into an actor and theater artist. It was that very choice of vocation that forced me to be honest with myself and come out. I knew that I’d never be any good as an actor if I couldn’t be first honest with myself. An actor must be relentless in their quest for truth about the human condition and how to accurately tell it’s story.

Ironically, I never have been cast in a gay role for film or TV. I’m told I don’t “read” gay with my stocky build, and baritone voice. Luckily the stage has been more generous and allowed me to play some great gay characters.

Since then, I’ve worked hard to build bridges with many of NYC’s gay theater artists and have helped found a new Queer theater company: {Your Name Here} A Queer Theater Company. I also worked frequently as a fight-choreographer for off-broadway and indie-film. As far as I know, I’m the only “out” gay fight-director and like to think that I’m helping break stereotypes about gay men.

Other aspects of my nature worked against my easy integration into the gay community of NYC at first. I like martial arts and was a regular on the amateur tournament circuit. I enjoy rock /punk/psycho-billy music and the outdoors. I have found some acceptance in the leather and gay-pagan communities and have cultivated a wonderful circle of queer friends. "

"The Truth About Who We Are..."

Richard and Carl, Cleveland, Ohio
by thegaymenproject
photos by Kevin Truong

Richard, in his own words: "Being gay to me means being in touch with my own identity. I am not really into labels, but my gayness courses through every part of my body and every cell in my body so I feel it is a part of my true self, i.e. a child of God who happens to be gay.

The biggest challenge I have ever faced for being gay was when the superintendent of schools where I worked tried to fire me on trumped up charges. It was very devastating to see the kind of bigotry expressed to me all hidden behind obvious lies. Fortunately I prevailed because no one was going to destroy my reputation as a top notch educator. My biggest success I think is an on-going story for it is the spiritual journey of coming to know my true self and trying to live life from that center and not from the false self of ego.

The gay community in Cleveland is like that, I think, in my mid-west cities. It is very diverse from those being very out to those being very closeted. I have felt a tremendous support for a great variety of gay organizations over the past 25 years since I came out including, but not limited to: The LGBT Community Services Center, the North Coast Men's Chorus, the AIDS Task Force of Greater Cleveland, GLSEN Cleveland, inclusive churches of several denominations.

My coming out story is that it took a long time to acknowledge the person I am even though I knew I was different from the time I was 5. After two marriages to women and three children, I could no longer live pretending to be someone I was not. I was having difficulty with my children, with my work, with my wife at the time, and had to do something. After several months of very good therapy, I came out and have been grateful for the support I have had all along the way. Both of my wives and my children (all now adults) have been incredibly supportive.

(Advice I'd give my younger self) Seek out support and be yourself, not what someone else wants you to be and know that no matter what you are loved!"

Carl, in his own words: "Other than being special as my own person, being gay makes me more special. I believe it gives me a more open-minded view of the world and people. More tolerant, less judgmental, more accepting, more gentle,

One challenge I have had, is to fully and completely accept my gayness, Another was to deal with the guilt I felt about leaving my wife of 25 years, she is a wonderful person. I sometimes put myself down for being gay (sounds strange doesn't it?) Successes are making many new friends, being less concerned about being myself, I was able to leave a toxic marriage.

Through my partner Rich, I have met many friends that are my age, and some younger ones. All of the men I have met are accepting, kind and generous.

I came out when I was 65. I had been living in the closet all my life. It caused me to hold myself back. Coming out finally removed a heavy burden from my back. I no longer had to pretend and hide. There is more to tell. I found love and acceptance that I never thought I could get.

(Advice I'd give my younger self) Be yourself, take the risk. Don't pretend to be something you aren't. Love yourself. Accept yourself. There is only one you. Enjoy yourself."

"The Truth About Who We Are..."

Luiz, Psychologist, Brasilia, Brazil
by thegaymenproject
photos by Kevin Truong

Luiz, in his own words: "Ser gay é um dos aspectos da minha vida, não o principal, tampouco o menos importante. Faz parte do que sou, mas não me define, pois a minha vida é muito mais ampla que isso. Mas em um país como o Brasil, com tantos casos de homofobia e violência a ela relacionada, também significa ter restrições para demonstrar carinho em público e nem sempre poder apresentar o companheiro para parte da família ou colegas do trabalho. É um "não dito", por vezes, uma lacuna social que permanece em certos ambientes e locais.

Creio que me aceitar foi um dos primeiros grandes desafios, já que cresci em um ambiente familiar preconceituoso. Contar para minha mãe, quando eu tinha 21 anos, também foi difícil. Ela demorou a aceitar a situação, perguntou se "ser gay" era "ser passivo", expressou sua preocupação com relação a doenças e promiscuidade e o medo de eu permanecer sozinho. Para meu pai nunca contei, mas tenho certeza que ele sabia. Ele faleceu em 2007 sem que tenhamos conversado sobre o assunto.
A partir do momento que me senti mais seguro como pessoa, pude definir outros rumos para minha vida, escolher coisas que eu realmente queria fazer, namorar, viajar mais, fazer outro curso de graduação (psicologia), perceber que eu podia ser diferente e fazer diferente do que foi planejado pelos meus pais, ou seja, crescer e amadurecer mais.

(With regards to coming out) Para minha mãe, aos 21 anos, quando estava sofrendo por uma paixão não correspondida. Depois, meu círculo de amigos foi mudando, fiz amigos gays (boa parte conheci pela internet), e também me senti mais a vontade em misturar os grupos nos meus aniversários (colegas de colégio, conhecidos de igreja, família e amigos gays) ou apresentar namorados. Mesmo sem eu dizer expressamente, as pessoas foram percebendo. Com a família não foi muito diferente, pois minha mãe contou para uma tia, que contou para outros parentes e creio que todos saibam atualmente, apesar de não ter sido uma iniciativa minha. No trabalho, alguns colegas sabem, por eu ter contado e outros por que também perceberam. Não são todas as pessoas que fazem parte da minha vida que sabem, pelo menos, não abertamente.

(In Brasilia) A comunidade gay é muito variada. Há cafés, bares e boates Gays, mas não muitos, além de festas que são realizadas eventualmente. Também existem lugares que as pessoas se encontram para sexo imediato, como certos estacionamentos no parque da cidade, saunas, cinemas pornô. Além disso, aplicativos nos celulares ou sites na internet colocam pessoas com gostos e perfis parecidos em contato. Alguns só gostam de ir a lugares gays, outros não vão de forma alguma nesses lugares, mas se sentem à vontade em ir a locais "alternativos", ou ainda existem aqueles que não se assumem para praticamente ninguém e somente frequentam casa de amigos ou ambientes considerados predominantemente heterossexuais.

(To my younger self) Diria para não dar tanta importância para o que as outras pessoas pensam, que eu consiguirei fazer um bom grupo de amigos e conhecerei pessoas fantásticas, gays e heterossexuais, que irão me perceber como uma pessoa completa, enxergar meu caráter e minhas ações, que gostarão de mim com minhas qualidades e defeitos e que ser gay não é um desses defeitos. Que eu me veja bonito por dentro e por fora, que poderei ser o que eu quiser ser e não preciso agradar a todo mundo."

In English:

"Being gay is one aspect of my life, not the principal, nor the least important. It is part of who I am, but does not define me, because my life is much broader than that. But in a country like Brazil, with many cases of homophobia and violence related to it, it also means having restrictions to show affection in public and not always being able to present a companion to part of the family or work colleagues. It is "not said" sometimes in a social gap in certain environments and locations.

I believe that accepting myself was one of the first major challenges, since I grew up in a family environment very prejudiced. Telling my mother when I was 21, it was also difficult. She was slow to accept the situation, and asked if "being gay" was "I being bottom," and expressed her concern about disease and the fear of promiscuity and that I would remain alone. To my father I never told, but I'm sure he knew. He died in 2007 without us having talked about it.

From the moment that I felt safer as a person, I could define other directions for my life, choose things I really wanted to do, date, travel more, make another undergraduate degree (psychology), realize that I could be different and do different things than from what was planned by my parents, that is, I could grow and mature more.

(With regards to coming out) To my mother, at 21, when I was suffering by unrequited passion. Then my circle of friends changed, I made gay friends (much met through the Internet), and I also felt more at ease in mixing the groups in my birthdays (schoolmates, known church, family and gay friends) or present boyfriends. Even without me spelling it out, people were noticing. With family it was not very different because my mother told an aunt who told other relatives and I believe that they all currently know, although it was not by my initiative. At work, some colleagues know, for I have told others and others have also realized. Not all people who are part of my life know, at least not openly.

The gay community (in Brasilia) is diverse. There are cafes, bars and Gay clubs, but not many, and parties that are held eventually. There are also places that people meet for immediate sex, as certain parking lots in the city park, saunas, porn cinemas. Additionally, apps on mobile or internet sites put people with similar tastes and profiles in touch. Some just like to go to gay places, others do not go at all to these places, but feel comfortable in going to "alternative" places, or there are still those who are not out to just anyone and only attend a friend's house or social places considered predominantly heterosexual.

(To my younger self) I would say not to give much importance to what other people think, that I will have a good group of friends and meet fantastic people, gay and straight, who will see me as a whole person, see my character and my actions, they will like me with my qualities and defects and that being gay is not one of those defects. That I can see myself beautiful inside and out, I can be what I want to be and need not please everyone."

"The Truth About Who We Are..."

JD and John, Mt. Pleasant, North Carolina
by thegaymenproject
photos by Kevin Truong

John and JD in their own words:"Being "gay" for us means being labeled. Who wants to be labeled? Shouldn't that have gone out with the civil rights movement? A "straight" person isn't labeled because he is straight. There is nothing wrong with us, or our monogamous relationship. We wanted a partner to love just like everyone does. It just happens that the person we are in love with, and committed to, is a member of the same sex. Why should we feel abnormal about that. We are responsible for our own happiness, even if it comes with a label. After all, Webster defines gay as happy, lighthearted and carefree. What a beautiful thing!

One of life's greatest challenges was trying to fit in as "normal." We were both different as far back into our childhoods as we can remember. We both have tried lying to ourselves and tricking ourselves into thinking we were something we really weren't . It took a lot of living, life lessons, heartbreak, and learning to accept ourselves the way we are. Perfect in His image. A hurdle to overcome was allowing ourselves the privilege and right to feel good about ourselves. We sought out our perfect companion and have made a beautiful life with him. All this because we are deserving. We are good people. We should not be treated differently because we don't fit the "normality" of society. We have succeeded. We are happy. We are normal. We are human.

The gay community in NC is very diverse. If you are in the city, there are all types of people here. Charlotte embraces gay individuals. Out here in the country is a different story. Charlotte is perhaps the best place to be if you are gay and in North Carolina. The rural community outside Charlotte is very conservative and religious against anything gay. To our knowledge we are the only openly gay couple in our small town of 1,700. We have faced pain and discrimination here, but nothing that we aren't strong enough to face head on and use to fuel our drive as we advocate for change. It is changing slowly, and we see progress. How can you expect people to change if you don't open their eyes and give them the chance to change their perspective? We are not ostentatious, but we are true to ourselves and to our relationship.

John's coming out:
I grew up in rural Texas. I did not come out to my parents before they died. My mother knew though, and my brothers and sisters knew without me saying anything. It took falling in love with the most wonderful person in the world for me to be comfortable with who I am. JD taught me to not be ashamed of myself or him. If we were to be a couple, we were no secret. That was about 5 years ago. We met long ago but life kept us apart from one another. It took time, knowledge, and living to eventually bring us together. We are both in a better place today and compliment each other beautifully. We are very happy and live a wonderful life together with friends and family who accept us for who we are.

JD's coming out:
What child wants to be a disappointment to their parents? I have always been somewhat of a "pink sheep." I have struggled to fit in with my Southern Baptist upbringing. Although we've come full circle and God has used my family to reveal his perfect Grace, coming out was awful. I never want to hear my Mama cry like that ever again. Tears still roll down my face when I think about her pain that afternoon. My Daddy seemed to think it was a phase. I guess the beauty of this is quite simple. I learned that I didn't have to fit any "mold." Be true to yourself, although it may strain relationships, those who truly love you will come around.

My message in my coming out would be to conservative christian groups: please don't ostracize an entire population of human beings who have the capability to do something amazing for God just because they do not fit into your construct of what you think a Christian should be. Gay Christians exist; we always have, and we always will. Your religion nearly killed me; my spirituality saved me.

I was so blessed to have my little sister who was so wise beyond her years. She never judged me. Even through starting her own family, she never left me feeling alone. It is mainly because of her that my family got through this turbulent time. My family's relationships are better than they have ever been, and are continuing to grow. Nothing makes my heart smile more than to hear my parents tell John they love him. God had a lesson for us in his perfect plan. It was the lesson of unconditional love and acceptance. Never doubt there is a bigger picture. We may perhaps see that picture differently. I do however believe that the moment we allow ourselves to truly see one another beyond our differences that picture and our world become so much more beautiful.

Chase your dreams. Don't let anyone stop you from being who you are. Only you can make YOU happy. Those who really love you will support you. We have traveled a long way, and in the journey before us we must continue to put one foot in front of the other. Know this: the pace is picking up, my friends. And the rewards of our labors, justice, equality, and respect merit our toils. Keep hope and faith, and let us always bear in mind that we must "be the change we wish to see in the world."

"The Truth About Who We Are..."

Thomas, Writer, Portland, Oregon
by thegaymenproject
photos by Kevin Truong

Thomas, in his own words:"Queerness is creativity; it's curation. There's an artistry and a poetry required to define yourself by your own terms. If you are told that everything you find to be beautiful or desirable is wrong, a path is forged to a certain freedom, to decide what you think is right, and true. I know that for so many of us this creates a constant anxiety, it can be really draining emotional work. But I know that for myself, it's what saved me. The liberating revelation that my love and my life were to be entirely my own creation. It's inspiring.

I didn't always feel so empowered. I grew up going to Catholic school in the Midwest. When I told my parents I would be attending a demonstration for gay rights at the Kansas State House, my mother--she's Italian--she grabbed the kitchen counter and burst into tears, repeating, "I just want to have grandchildren." I was fourteen. Coming out, then, seemed impossible. It would be a part of myself that I would keep hidden, I figured.

I was lucky, though, because it was at my all-boys Catholic high school that I met my best friends: the Gay Lunch Table, we called ourselves. We were young and in this ostensibly repressive environment, but it never felt like that when we were together. We had our own lingo; we made each other laugh. If anyone ever tried to give us trouble, we made a game of it, coming up with unapologetically effeminate ways to make them uncomfortable. We felt tough, and not in spite of our homosexuality, but because of it.

I try to remember that every day. I'm older now, and less afraid of who I am. But it's a good reminder: let your confidence be a shield. I read a lot of gay authors, try to follow gay artists, and there's such a resilient beauty that runs through our history.There is both elegance and endurance. I find it very motivating. I feel the power of a family line, like I am from a long tradition of dreamers forced to reinterpret their world. So that's what I try to remember, and what I try to put into my own work: queerness presents an opportunity to imagine a more beautiful world. Feel the power of that, wear it like armor, and embrace the grace of being gay. "

"The Truth About Who We Are..."

Nicholas and Felipe, Santiago, Chile
by thegaymenproject
photos by Kevin Truong

Nicholás, in his own words: "Para mi ser gay, es poder pasar una serie de obstáculos, obstáculos que si sabes llevar bien, puedes ser inmensamente feliz con lo que realmente te gusta, con la persona que puede hacerte feliz, con todo lo que tu escojas.

"Salir de el closet" no fue realmente un problema, primero por que tengo una mamá la cual siempre ha estado abierta a lo que sea, segundo cuando yo asumí y le dije "Mamá soy gay" ella me respondió con un amable "Hijo si lo sabía", dice que lo sabe desde que nací. Para el resto de mi familia no fue difícil asumir tampoco, hago que ser gay sea lo mas normal posible, sin tener tabú en lo que hablo con ellos.

Si me hablan de comunidad gay, yo no estoy tan inmerso en ella, pero si me informo sobre el Movilh (Movimiento de Integración y Liberación Homosexual) y puedo darme cuenta que es una comunidad muy activa, siempre haciendo eventos y cosas por el estilo, también se han logrado avances a nivel político y social.

Diría que tomara mas riesgos, que viajara, que conociera y en fin que disfrutara mas de todo lo que te va dando la vida, tanto de personas como de momentos."

In English:

"For me being gay is to pass a series of obstacles, obstacles if you are to overcome, you can be immensely happy with what it is really like to be the person who is happy with everything you choose.

Coming "Out of the closet" was not really a problem, first because I have a mom that has always been open to whatever, second when I said "Mom I'm gay" she replied with a friendly "Son I knew, "says she knows from birth. For the rest of my family it was not difficult either, me being gay is as normal as possible, without taboo as I talk to them."

If I talk about the gay community, I am not so immersed in it, but if I reported on Movilh (MOVILH) and I realize that it is a very active community, always doing events and so on, they have also made progress on the political and social level.

(Advice I'd give to my younger self) I would say take more risks, to travel, to know and finally enjoy most of all that which is giving you life, both people and moments.

Felipe, in his own words: "Para mi ser gay es mucho más que una condición netamente sexual, nací gay. Crecí sintiéndome diferente al resto sin saber él porque, cuando recién conocí la palabra gay era utilizada como un insulto con el que se buscaba desprestigiar a alguien, escuchaba a la gente refiriéndose a homosexuales como algo enfermo y anormal, es súper difícil pasar por eso siendo un niño. Ser gay ha significado mucho en todo lo que soy ahora, desde tan chico ir contra la corriente cambia la forma en la que ves el mundo, te da una razón para luchar por lo que crees y así generar un cambio por lo menos en las personas que te rodean.

Asumir uno mismo que es homosexual en una sociedad enferma que impone un prototipo de “normalidad” es difícil. Pero que lo aceptara mi familia fue aún más difícil. Nunca les quise decir directamente “Papá, mamá, soy gay” porque sentí que no era necesario. A los 15 años me puse a pololear con la intención de que lo asumieran por si solos y cuando se dieron cuenta me hicieron la vida imposible, pero de alguna forma tenía que hacerlos darse cuenta que los únicos que tenían que cambiar eran ellos y sus prejuicios retrogradas, y así fue. Ahora llevo dos años pololeando con el Nico y ya es como parte de mi familia.

La verdad es que no me gusta cuando se habla de “comunidad gay” porque personalmente no me siento parte de ella, no tengo mucha relación con más homosexuales aparte de mi pololo. Participo en marchas por el respeto y matrimonio igualitario, se han logrado avances legales importantes en el último tiempo y creo que es necesario ser parte de este proceso en el que Chile está de a poquito cambiando.

Si pudiera decirle algo a mi yo del pasado.. No te canses de buscar la verdad ni dejes de cuestionarte las cosas. La vida es demasiado hermosa para desperdiciarla y hay demasiados sueños por cumplir, no dejes que nada ni nadie acabe con ellos."

In English:

"For me being gay is much more than a purely sexual condition, I was born gay. I grew up feeling different from others without knowing it because, when I first heard the word gay it was used as an insult with which sought to discredit someone, I heard people referring to homosexuals as something sick and abnormal, it is extremely difficult to go through that being a child. Being gay has meant much to what I am now, since the young buck in the system changes the way you see the world, gives you a reason to fight for what you believe and generate a change at least in people around you.

Taking yourself to be homosexual in a sick society that imposes a prototype of "normality" is difficult. Acceptance from my family was even harder. I never wanted to directly say "Dad, Mom, I'm gay" because I felt it was not necessary. At age 15 I began a relationship, and it made my parents realize that the only ones who had to change were them and their prejudices, and it was. Now I have two years been in a relationship with Nico and he's like part of my family.

The truth is that I do not like when you talk about "gay community" because I do not personally feel a part of it, I have little relationship with other gays than my boyfriend. I've participated in marches for respect and equal marriage, there have been significant legal developments in recent times and I think you need to be part of this process in which Chile is changing little by little.

If I could say something to my past .. Do not tire of seeking truth or questioning things. Life is too beautiful to waste with too many dreams to fulfill, do not let anything or anyone end up with them."

"The Truth About Who We Are..."

Thiago, Event Producer, Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
by thegaymenproject
photo by Kevin Truong

Thiago, in his own Portuguese words:"Ser gay para mim significa saber quem sou e o que quero. Significa assumir os meus sentimentos e não reprimi-los por causa dos outros. Ser feliz como eu sou dando importância a mim. É entender que o amor indefere do sexo, mas que sexo é um fato para se ter uma vida mais prazerosa, saudável e prolongada.

Meus maiores desafios foram quando eu ainda estava na infância e já sabia dos meus sentimentos, pois via uma sociedade opressora com relação a sexualidade. Sabia das minhas dificuldades perante a sociedade e minha família. Pra mim isso foi um desafio. Como me comportar perante a eles? Conforme o tempo foi passando, fui tendo mais conhecimento do mundo através de livros e da história da humanidade, fui compreendendo que o meu genuíno sentimento não era anormal. Que a concepção de certo não é única e verdadeira, que a imposição sempre foi impostas através da culpa pelo santificado e de quem obtinha o controlhe (rei, clero, ditadores, etc), pois eles não entendiam tais sentimentos, sempre alegando que o carnal é algo profano, impuro, errado, demoníaco. Vi que também não sou o único, que como eu existia, existiam milhares de outras pessoas. Com isso, ganhei uma autoconfiança sobre os meus sentimentos, que mesmo que não fosse como os outros esperavam como eu deveria ser, eu não era do mal e meus sentimentos de amor não poderia ser errados. Dessa forma, eu percebi que nem todo mundo está certo. Que para alguém ter certeza sobre o que esta dizendo, a pessoa tem que estar muito bem argumentada. Convencer-me que seu ponto de vista é o correto. Meu maior sucesso foi ter essa afirmação de quê, cada um sabe o que é o certo para a sua felicidade, por tanto quê, para atingir a sua felicidade, você não faça o mal ao próximo.

Acredito que a comunidade gay do Rio de Janeiro, por ser uma cidade que tem muitos estrangeiros (turistas ou moradores) não seja diferente das outras grandes cidades do mundo. Somos uma cidade litorânea de clima tropical. Isso acaba nos influenciando certos hábitos. O Carioca em si pode até não ir à praia, mas não vive sem ela. A praia causa uma certa pressão no culto ao corpo, dos corpos liso e depilados. Isso faz com que a comunidade bear no rio não seja muito grande, porém ela existe e se faz presente. A praia de Ipanema, por exemplo, é um point gay em frente à Rua Farme de Amoedo. Lá é uma excelente local aonde você pode ver exatamente como a comunidade gay carioca é.

Nos meus 30 anos de idade, eu vejo mudanças de comportamento nos mais jovens. Por se assumem mais cedo, achava que essa juventude seria mais liberal. Ao mesmo tempo em que eles se assumem mais cedo, sinto que eles são mais caretas com algumas questões. Eles não são tão sexuais como os mais velhos, parece que estão conectados de outra forma. Assim como eu também vejo a mudança dos mais velhos, que estão assumindo mais seus pelos, cultivando mais seus corpos pela questão da saúde do que pela questão estética. De uma forma geral, as pessoas mudam com o passar dos tempos e os padrões vão mudando consequentemente.

Como foi sair do armário?

Difícil no primeiro momento. Sabia o que era. Já namorava um garoto 4 anos mais velho do que eu (eu tinha 17 anos e ele tinha 21 anos) e quis me assumir, pois tive medo que minha mãe pudesse encrencar com ele. Decidi me abrir com a minha mãe. Ela reagiu da forma mais preconceituosa, mas verbalmente. Surpreendentemente, meu irmão, a qual eu temia a pior reação, me ligou justamente após ter contato a minha mãe e minha mãe acabou contou a ele pelo telefone. Ele em seguida quis falar comigo. Para a minha maior supressa, ao pegar o telefone, ele começou a gritar “ é isso ai! Você é muito homem pra se assumir, isso não é para qualquer um não, parabéns, você é o cara!!” . Para a minha total felicidade aonde acabei me debulhando em lágrimas de felicidade.

Se você pudesse dar um conselho para você mesmo antes de sair do armário, o que você diria?

Vai em frente! Você está certo de seu sentimento e sentiu que era a hora de falar. Vai em frente! Se assumir é se definir como um homem, assumir os seus defeitos e também suas qualidades, encara-los de frente. Vai, pois você será feliz!'

In English:

"Being gay means to me to know who I am and what I want. Means taking my feelings and not suppress them because of the other. Be happy as I am giving importance to me. You understand that rejecting love and sex is wrong, because sex is a fact to have a more joyful, healthy and long life.

My biggest challenge was when I was still a child and knew of my feelings, because I saw an oppressive society regarding sexuality. I knew I could expect difficulties from society and my family. For me it was a challenge. How to behave towards them? As time went on, I was having more knowledge of the world through books and the history of mankind, I was realizing that my genuine feelings were not abnormal. They were normal though only true that the levy has always been imposed through guilt by the sanctified and those seek to control ( king, clergy, dictators, etc.) because they did not understand such feelings, always claiming that the carnal is something profane, crude, wrong, demonic. I saw also that I am not alone, that I existed just as there were thousands of other people like me. With that, I gained self-confidence about my feelings, even if I was not like  others wanted and thought I should be. I was not evil and my feelings of love could not be wrong. Thus, I realized that not everyone is right. My biggest success was learning that what each knows what is right for their own happiness, therefore, to achieve your happiness, you are not doing evil to others.

I think the gay community of Rio de Janeiro, being a city with many foreigners ( tourists and locals) is no different from other major world cities. We are a seaside town with a tropical climate. This eventually influenced in certain ways. The Carioca itself might not even go to the beach, but can not live without it. The beach causes some pressure on the cult of the body, the hair and smooth bodies. This means the bear community in Rio de Janeiro is not very large, but it exists and is present. Ipanema beach, for example, has a gay point opposite the Rua Farme de Amoedo. This is a great spot where you can see exactly how the gay community is in Rio .

In my 30 years, I have seen behavior changes in young people. Why I assumed earlier and thought that youth would be more liberal, I feel that they are old fashion. They are not as sexual as older people, they seem to be connected otherwise. As I also see the changing of older people who are taking care of their hair and their bodies by cultivating for health issue than for aesthetic reasons. In general, people change with the passage of time and the patterns are changing accordingly.

(Coming out was) Difficult at first. Knew what it was. Already dating a boy four years older than me (I was 17 and he was 21) and wanted to take me because I was afraid that my mother could get in trouble with it. I decided to open up to my mother. She reacted in the most prejudiced way verbally. Surprisingly, my brother, which I feared would have the worst reaction, called me just after I came out to my mom as my mom had told him by telephone. He then wanted to talk to me. To my greatest surprise when I picked up the phone, he started yelling "This is it! You are a very strong man to assume, it is not for anyone else to care, Congratulations, you're the man!." This moved me deeply to a  bliss where I was in tears of happiness.

(If I could give myself advice before coming out, I'd say) Go ahead! Are you sure of you're feeling and it's time to talk. Go ahead! If you assume your place as a man, take your defects and also your  qualities, face them head on. Will yourself to be and you will be happy!"