"I Am Always Remembering..."

Today is an anniversary of sorts... It was about this time that morning, 16 years ago today, that I had a long talk with God.  I remember being on my knees in prayer for hours seeking to know what to do, seeking to know whether I should follow my heart or try to escape the inescapable grasp of true love's potent grip. I recall telling God that I had known fear in my life, in-fact for most of my life up to then, but that I had never feared anything more than the answer I thought He might reveal to me that sunny autumn morning. Nevertheless, I prayed with earnest contrition, sharing every secret that He already knew and finally asking to know what might lie ahead.

The beloved one and I had been pacing the edges of the dance floor we call love for a little more than two months, and I knew that we would either embrace one another and begin the dance of love, or depart from each other, never to look back again. I shared what God already knew, that I was truly "in love" and I wanted to know if He would take away love's blindness for just a moment to let me see the beloved one's true heart. As many hours passed and my legs cramped and my knees ached and as I saw the light in the room change as the sun traversed the sky, finally He gave an answer. Shocked by what I heard and saw so clearly, I rose from the floor and took a seat near the window and pondered if I was brave to act on the truth revealed to me that day.

As dusk arrived, the decision was set in my mind and more importantly in my heart. Although my answer from God had included a warning, it also laid out a path for me to follow... bravely and with more courage than I had ever felt in my life, I rose up, and as I did, looking about the room, it was as if I could see everything that was revealed to me like slides projected on the walls. I steeled myself and I called the beloved one and asked if I could come see him. He said, "Yes." Once there with him, with trembling hands and throbbing temple, I revealed the truth and the precious desires of my heart to him. He listened intently, as I was told he would. As I spoke, the beloved one responded, speaking to me only with his eyes until, as I prepared to leave, we parted with a kiss and I told him for the first time, "I love you..."

Everything in my life changed that day... I've never been the same since. Over the course of the three years that followed, I learned well why I had been warned but also encouraged by God. But one thing has remained the same, from that first time, to the every time of every day since, when I say to him, "I love you..." (even though he can't hear it), it's still as true as I was told it would be on that sunny autumn day while talking to God.

I am always remembering, and my greatest fear is that I may not live long enough to forget...