"Happy Gay Uncle's Day!"

Today is an unofficial holiday, but it's just as important to many people as Mother's Day and Father's Day.  Today is "Gay Uncle's Day."  According to Queerty, the second Sunday of August was first suggested as a day to celebrate gay uncles back in 2016, when Floridian, C.J. Hatter proposed it on Facebook.  Since then, the notion of a day to celebrate the contributions of gay uncles to the live of their siblings' children has gained traction in many quarters.  And, the reason for this is that many nieces and nephews will tell you that there is something amazing to be said for having a gay uncle(s) in your life.

Pretty much every family has had that "confirmed bachelor," you know, the one who never married (a fact everyone chooses to ignore, or at least not discuss), but who doted on his siblings children, showering them with love, support and gifts.  I was the "gay uncle" in my own family for the first 20+ years of my adult life, and true to the stereotype, I was like a second father to my sisters children.  In fact, this was so much the case, that my younger sister's two children learned to say "uncle" before they said "daddy" which was much to the chagrin of my brother in-law.  I had such an oversized influence on them because at the time they were born, my mother, sister and I all worked together in our family business and we cared for the little ones right there with us.  I'm sure I warmed more bottles and changed more diapers than their dad ever did.  My place in their lives was such, that when they did get around to learning "daddy" they were so convinced that if there was a man in their family, he had to be an "uncle!"  So at first their father was "Uncle Daddy" and their grandfather was "Uncle Granddaddy." Laughably, they were 3 and 4 years old before the confusion was cleared up.

As for me, like most gay men of my generation, I can recall many moments of stark reflection when I realized that raising children of my own wouldn't (and for the longest while couldn't) be possible.  And yet, from my own experience, I knew that just because I was gay (and even in deep denial of the fact), it didn't mean that I didn't have strong paternal instincts. I always dreamed of being a father from even my earliest days of boyhood. As a boy, and even as a young man, I always talked about getting married and raising a huge family (I used to tell people I wanted between 8 and 18 children!) I know my desire to become a parent was probably my strongest motivator to try to force myself not to be gay and led to my terrible mistake of marrying a woman for all the wrong reasons.  

Nevertheless, when my siblings married and began to have their children, I became a "super uncle," always ready to step up and help support them and their parents.  I'd look after the little ones on a moments notice and I came to love them almost as much as their parents did.  In-fact, in the case of my oldest sister's son, when she became widowed and he was still just a little boy, I became the man of her house as I taught him how to assume the role.  When he hit puberty, or should I say when puberty "hit him," as many a boy with raging hormones is want to do, he went off the rails behavior-wise and at my sister's pleading, I took him in and he lived with me for a year so I could "straighten him out" to quote his mother.  I'm proud to say it worked and he turned out to be a very decent fella I'm proud to say I helped raise.

Thankfully, and almost to my utter disbelief, the world changed enough that I was able to adopt a child of my own (my eldest son, Marvin who is now 39 with 3 children of his own) while I was still a single, closeted gay man.  And then later, when my son was in college, and after the death of my mother, I was finally able to find the courage to come out.  I even got married and my husband and I together adopted two children (Meechie is now 21 and married, and his brother Dustin is now 17).  And even though I got to know the joys of fatherhood first-hand, I'm still a super uncle to my nieces and nephews (who are now all grown up, and many are married) and they still seek me out for help, advice and support.

As I believe most gay men at some point in their lives do, I've often questioned, "Why me? Why am I the gay one?"  And having had the experiences I had, in many ways, I've come to believe I know the answer... To my mind, Nature's reason for us (gay people) is exactly this, we are here to lend a helping hand to our siblings in raising their offspring (who happen to share some of our own genes), and in the case of adoption, we're Mother Nature's safety net, we rear the offspring of those who can't, don't or won't, and thereby we're doing our part to perpetuate our species.  There is in-fact some scientific research that backs this conclusion.  If you're interested in learning more, read this article from... Association for Psychological Science, or an easier read... The Advocate: Study Supports Gay Super Uncles Theory

So, if you're reading this, there's a pretty good chance you're someone's favorite "gay uncle," so, 

"Happy Gay Uncle's (and Aunt's) Day" to us all!