May 22, 2014
No one likes a fishy boyfriend. Relationships are definitely not the place for secrets, especially when we’re investing our heart and soul. Getting lied to by someone you love hurts more than anything else in the world which is why it’s important to know the non-negotiable’s of honesty. After all, a successful relationship thrives on truth and authenticity. Here are a few things every man needs to start being open about:
Most relationships start off asking about past relationships. The moments when you’re just getting to know each other almost always leads to the question “So what was your longest relationship?” or “How many boyfriends have you had?” Unfortunately, however, it seems like that’s where it ends.
Whether you think so or not, exes create a large sense of how we perceive each new relationship. If your ex (or his) is still a part of each others lives, it’s important to be honest about when you see him, otherwise it seems like your trying to hide something. In fact, all things relating to the “ex” must be disclosed, even if you don’t think it’s a big deal. Trust me, it’s better to be open than to create opportunity for paranoia and assumptions.
#2) Money Barriers
If you can’t afford the $20 cover at the club or the $15 movie ticket, there’s no need to whip out a credit card to cover your ass, again. It’s not the end of the world if your boyfriend spots you from time to time, but never should it become a habit. Everyone is trying to save up their dough nowadays, I don’t care how much we love each other. The guilt of feeling like you owe him can also be too strong to maintain comfortably, especially after the fifth time he’s paid for your $30 din din. Honesty is the best policy. There are plenty of other things you can do that require less financing and more connecting. Money doesn’t buy experience.
While I agree there are some things we should keep private, it’s incredibly important to be up front about where you come from. It’s too easy pretending to be someone we’re not while the relationship is new. That’s the moment we’re able to pull him in by exaggerating our social value, but the thing is, once we have him we’ll eventually have to come clean. Then what?
You don’t need to lie about where you come from, who you are, what religion you’re bound to, how “virginal” you were before you met him, or how you’ve “never had a Grindr” in your life. In the long run, it doesn’t matter. Men don’t fall in love with their boyfriend’s past, they fall in love with who they are today.
#4) Mean Friends
Nothing is worse than having to put up with his pretentious friends who love to act as if they’re far ahead of you. Sometimes, because of the way they are, it’s easy to connect their venomous attributes to your boyfriend. Before you know it, you’re comparing him to them and dissecting every little thing he does in relation to what his stupid friends do.
The thing you have to understand is he is NOT his friends. He is separate from them totally. It’s easy for us to think that whenever we mention his friends, he might take it defensively, i.e. “It’s either me or them.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Expressing your feelings about his friends will only give him an opportunity to explain why they are the way they are. Henceforth, giving you more insight.
Nothing will end a relationship faster than a difference in goals. I’ve seen 10-year long relationships make a drastic turn whenever it becomes clear that so-and-so didn’t want children or had no intention of moving out of the city he was in. The clearer you make your goals at the beginning, the less heartache you’ll receive in the long run. Compatibility is all about matching each other’s wants and needs and making sure you see them through together in a satisfying (and balanced) way.
#6) Infidelity
Infidelity is in the eye of the beholder, especially for gay relationships. While you might argue that monogamous relationships require sex, other couples will have a different opinion. Some guys think innocent flirting is crossing a line while others have wider limits. It’s crucial to know your boyfriend’s take on it, that way you’ll know the limit if ever it gets crossed.
Jealousy can be an evil thing because it’s invisible. Knowing your boyfriend has a Grindr (even if he doesn’t use it for sex) can spawn millions of images and assumptions that create an endless supply of jealousy. This eventually bleeds into mistrust which ultimately affect your relationship. It’s always best to be open about the smallest of details.
One of the major benefits of having a boyfriend is the sexual freedom you can share with him. Because it’s one person, the opportunities to explore your most deepest of fetishes are expanded and kept secret. When it comes to sex, there should be no fear of judgment. Create an open communication about fetishes, fantasies, likes, dislikes, and non negotiable’s. If you’re not comfortable sharing the info with him, it’s probably time to investigate the relationship as a whole. Clearly there’s some mistrust.
#8) Your True Feelings
It’s never fair to keep him hanging on an invisible thread. Leading a guy on is the worse thing you can do because it’s selfish. It might feel like you’re doing him a favor, but if you really think about it, it’s all an act to prolong the inevitable guilt. Not only is it better to end it before things get too serious, he’ll also be much more grateful. No one wants to be broken up with by someone who says “I’ve been feeling this way for a long time.”
Bar none, STDs are a non negotiable everyone needs to share. I don’t care if your T-cell count is at a healthy amount, I don’t care if you’ve managed to dodge a bullet by finding an STD early, one of the most important things about relationships (gay or straight) is sexual honesty. Bareback sex is one of the major goals for longterm relationships – hiding your pesky secrets aren’t worth it.
#10) Red Flag Insecurities
Sometimes even in the longest of relationships, playful teasing can be hurtful, especially when your boyfriend doesn’t know when to stop. We all have “things” our best friends know never to bring up in conversation, whether it’s something about our body or a moral issue we have a firm stand against. If the person we love most doesn’t know where our limits are, he’ll never know when to pull it back. Keep him in the loop.
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"Fear Eats the Soul"
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