"No Fooling... The Truth About Today"

Gert Kasteel, left, and Dolf Pasker kiss after exchanging vows at Amsterdam's City Hall

just after midnight Sunday, April 1, 2001. 

Twenty-two years ago today, The Netherlands became the first nation in the world to grant marriage equality to same-sex couples.

10 years and 10 days after Gert and Dolf married, husband and I got married in Ontario, Canada which established marriage equality in 2003 (later expanded throughout Canada by national legislation in 2005). Like Gert and Dolf, husband and I were married in City Hall, in our case Windsor City Hall. Windsor is the sister city of Detroit right across the Detroit River which is the international border. 

I'll always remember being asked by the Canadian border agent, "What's your reason for visiting Canada today?" When I replied, "We're getting married today." The agent gave us a broad smile and said, "Congratulations and welcome to Canada!" as he waived us through. On our return, when we got across the bridge, the U.S. Customs agent asked us, "Why were you in Canada?" I remember smiling broadly and saying, "We went to get married!" as I held Ed's hand up.  And I'll never forget his reaction either... With a look of disgust on his face, he said, "Well, isn't that special." He handed our IDs back to me and turned away as the gate opened. It was then that I realized just how much work remained to be done before we could be free to be who we are. It didn't spoil our happy day, but it was a sobering reminder that the struggle was far from over.

 

Although the first U.S. state (Massachusetts) legalized same-sex marriage in 2004, it would not be until 2015 and the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges that the fundamental right of same-sex couples to marry on the same terms and conditions as opposite-sex couples established marriage equality throughout the United States.

The first Dutch couple to marry, Gert Kasteel and Dolf Pasker celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary in 2021.

There's still much work to be done... In Asia, only Taiwan has passed marriage equality and in Africa, only South Africa permits same-sex marriage. But look how far we've come in the span of just a couple of decades. This fills me with so much hope that someday little boys like I was won't have to grow up believing that they're consigned to a life of loneliness, fear and loathing without the hope of happily loving someone enough to spend the rest of their lives together.