"The Truth About Who We Are..."

KURT, CREATIVE DIRECTOR, PORTLAND, OREGON
The Gay Men Project
photo by Kevin Truong

Kurt, in his own words: “I think if anything I have a responsibility to the next generation of gay men to pay it forward, as has been done with me. I had a couple of people who helped me as a younger man to navigate the gay world with the least amount of drama and pressure and I am grateful. They were out and proud. When it wasn’t that easy and accepted as the world and more so Portland is today. They were sexual and gentle and loving. They were aggressive and in your face. They were fearless and willing to risk their health and lives to be who they are. They were creative and pushed boundaries. After HIV/ Aids and living through the beginning, the middle and hopefully the end, I have a lot to say. I’m having my chance to sit quietly or be involved in my community. I choose to be involved and responsible.

I think family has been my biggest challenge. We are all very different people, with very different belief systems, I’ve tried my best to be part of and have not succeeded very well. I did get to grow emotionally and spiritually and be independent, so I am grateful for the path I was given. I have had the opportunity to follow my heart with my work in catering/creative expression and art collecting/embroidery and have been very successful from the outside looking in and financially, I’ve also had the balance so one can feed the other. I think I found out quickly in life stuffed cake was not going to purchase a home for me ….

There really isn’t much of a (coming out) story really, maybe at the time it felt more scary and dramatic, but as I age and look back those feelings and memories, they are pretty much fun, wild, sexy, carefree and limitless (pre-HIV). I moved to Oregon from Minnesota at 19 and pretty much knew on the trip across the west, it was all about being who I was as a person (which included my sexuality, but not limited to it) and being able to discover that. I did go a bit sideways in my 20’s, but moved back to center in my 30’s so the balance was adjusted without too much of a internal tug of war. I had kind and gentle people who I crossed on that road and am grateful for all of them. I do have to say when I turned 21, my ex chef at Ainsworth’s Bar and Grill, Chuck took me to my first gay and did not hold back! The Other Inn was a sleazy, pool bar in downtown Portland with nasty drag queens playing pool with greasy leather clad dudes. I received a bit too much attention, scared the shit out of me…..

(The gay community in Portland is) Splintered. Seems to me that we live and participate in very micro groups of gays, not that much different than a gay cruise ship in the Mediterranean. The muscle boys live in the gym, the pool boys, well they live by the pool, the druggies party from 11:00PM- 8:00AM and then sleep all day. The couples leave daily for excursions and the bears live at the buffets and indoor pools. Mixed group of gays at the nightly shows and casinos where everyone shows up eventually. Portland tends to splinter the same way, but rarely overlap. Could we be more white…?

(Advice to my younger self) Be gentle, be kind, be less fearful, care less, care more with balance, have balance, save money, spend all the money like you’re dying tomorrow, stop and smell the decaf, live in the garden, surround yourself in beauty, get a dog and finally: never underestimate the power of denial”