"This Is A Love Story..."

Call It The Pisces Effect

April 3, 2015


When he was younger, the Rev. Melvin Poindexter Miller had been torn between pursuing a career in dance or the ministry. After he was accepted into a seminary, though, the decision seemed behind him.

While he was a student, he took a position as a youth minister at Riverside Church in Manhattan and was soon excelling at both callings. He introduced step dancing and pumped new life into the ministry, growing it significantly from 50 over a couple of years.

But at the height of his success, he left to take a less prominent job with another church, fearing that with all the attention, he would be exposed as a gay man and that his career would be ruined.

“I was in the closet,” he said. “I thought it would be bad for my career.”

His decision was part of a pattern of running away from situations that might reveal his sexuality, but that had finally ended by the time he returned to Riverside Church on March 14 to marry Leigh Jeremy Britton.

Hundreds of friends from all facets of their lives attended the ceremony in the venerable stone sanctuary, proving that contrary to Mr. Miller’s occasional fears, he and his spouse had very much been accepted all along.

Mr. Miller’s father, Stephen Albert Miller Sr., who flew in from California to attend, said his son had always reached for perfection and often seemed to find it: he became valedictorian of his high school class, went to an Ivy League college and trained with the best dance companies.

The elder Mr. Miller, standing in a hallway at the Alhambra Ballroom in Harlem after the wedding, said he was glad that his son no longer worried that being gay would interfere with that record, and proud that he was now part of a couple to be known as “Mr. and Mr. Melvin and Jeremy Britton-Miller” (or, to their friends, by the merged nickname “Meremy”).

“A lot of people don’t believe in the gay movement,” Stephen Miller said. But he believed they would come around. “You have to let people be people. You have to understand that it’s not going to go away. It’s been there forever.”

Working in corporate account management, Mr. Britton had not had to worry about his public image. But as the son of a minister, he was drawn to the ministry, and by extension, to Mr. Miller.

Mr. Britton is now working on a dual master’s degree in practical theology and social work at Union Theological Seminary and Columbia University in Manhattan.

“We both are cut from the same cloth,” Mr. Britton said.

They met just 17 months ago, through a mutual friend who likes being a matchmaker. The friend introduced them by text, including a photo of each, with the message: “You guys should get to know each other.”

At first glance, they seem nothing alike. Mr. Britton, 33 and known as Jeremy, is 6-foot-4 and rangy, with an easy smile and somewhat gawky gait, a combination that brings to mind the children’s book character Clifford the Big Red Dog. He has a deep voice and a bold but thoughtful manner.

Mr. Miller, 36, is six inches shorter, slight, with an Astaire-like grace, honed through years of dancing at his hometown church in Los Angeles, as well as by training professionally with Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater and the Pennsylvania Ballet. His expression tends toward the serious, and his voice is soft.

Before meeting face to face, they did their due diligence, beginning by examining each other’s Facebook sites.

“Both Melvin and I have a really good sense of discernment,” Mr. Britton said. “Looking through his pictures, of course you can’t get an accurate idea of who he is, but you can get an idea of the level of uprightness. He seemed like a nice, upright guy. I felt I could go ahead and meet him.”

Mr. Britton liked the diversity of friends on Mr. Miller’s Facebook page.

“There were different demographics,” he said, but, “There weren’t any crazy pictures, overly party pictures, anything that seemed kind of out there.”

When Mr. Miller looked at Mr. Britton’s page, he noticed some mutual friends and called them as references.

“I just asked about him, ‘Is he a good guy?’ ‘What does he do?’ and the reviews came back great,” Mr. Miller said. “So then I said, ‘O.K., let’s meet.’”

After their pre-courtship, the real courtship was not just a matter of walking across the street. Mr. Miller lived in a neighborhood in Upper Manhattan, several miles from the Brooklyn home of Mr. Britton, who was somewhat phobic about leaving his borough.

“I wasn’t going to go above Central Park,” Mr. Britton said. “Even that was a stretch for me. To actually travel up to Washington Heights from my apartment, that would be an hour’s train ride, which was not happening.”

Luckily, his best friend offered him the use of his car. Otherwise, Mr. Britton said, “To be completely honest, I probably would not have gone there.”

It was a Saturday night, and when he got to Washington Heights, he spent 45 minutes circling for parking, in vain. He called Mr. Miller, who came down to the street, spotted an empty space and stood there guarding it until Mr. Britton could pull in. Considering the fights that have erupted over parking spaces in New York, Mr. Britton was impressed by Mr. Miller’s gallantry.

“For me growing up, that was the norm of the South,” said Mr. Britton, who is from Memphis. “I don’t believe that you find that as much up here. That was a real standout point for me.”

Inside the apartment, Mr. Britton thought Mr. Miller was not only hospitable, but a great cook. Then Mr. Miller quickly confessed that the roast chicken had come from the Dominican takeout place on the corner.

Despite their outward differences, they have a lot in common: Born under the same sign, Pisces, their birthdays are just a week apart.

“Pisces are lovers, they’re emotional, they’re kindhearted, they usually have a deep spiritual sense to them,” Mr. Miller said.

It was the realization that they were both motivated by a desire to do good that made Mr. Miller fall for Mr. Britton.

“We are both philanthropists at heart, and that really touched me, really moved me,” Mr. Miller said. It also helped, he added, that Mr. Britton was the son of a minister.

Mr. Britton was struck by Mr. Miller’s decency. “I knew then that I had met my husband,” he said.

They learned that they were both achievers. Mr. Britton was voted the friendliest person in his class and “Mr. Central High School.” He attended Texas Southern University in Houston, and went into the business world.

Mr. Miller was valedictorian at Daniel Murphy Catholic High School, a boys’ school in Los Angeles, and went east to Columbia University. After graduation, he received two master’s degrees from Union Theological Seminary. (His father is pushing him to earn a doctorate.)

His habit of ducking exposure as a gay man ended when he took a personal transformation workshop with Momentum Education, a Manhattan group that specializes in such workshops; he is now an executive partner and senior facilitator there.

“They told me about what it means to live the authentic life, and that I had a right and privilege to be who I was,” Mr. Miller said.

He was ordained at a storefront church, the Potter’s House Church of the Living God, in Brooklyn, then became associate minister for social justice at Fort Washington Collegiate Church in Washington Heights.

The next step was to be married in Riverside Church.

“I think with anyone who has not come out, it has to be a process of thoughtfulness and choosing the right time,” said the Rev. Eugene R. Palmore, who conducted the ceremony. “When the time comes, it will be revealed to you no matter where you are.”

The wedding was a mix of contemporary and traditional. The 600 guests included people in gray suits, men in caftans and women in men’s clothing, many of them connected to Momentum Education.

Groomsmen in black tie and groomsmaids in white strapless gowns flanked the couple in a V-shape. For the recessional, the newlyweds, in ivory tuxedo jackets and with their posture as stiff as military cadets, walked up the aisle to Mendelssohn’s “Wedding March.”

Then the music switched to Kirk Franklin’s euphoric “Gonna Be a Lovely Day,” and their clasped hands swayed. At the reception door, the M.C. blared, “Can you all give it up for love!” Everyone closed ranks around the couple and danced into the future to Beyoncé’s “Love on Top.”

ON THIS DAY

When March 14, 2015

Where Riverside Church, Manhattan

Atmosphere The wedding processional was set to “Love,” by Kirk Franklin, and the couple entered to “Once in a Lifetime,” by Smokie Norful. There were two receptions, the first featuring cupcakes and punch for 600 in the South Hall of the church, the second, a more intimate dinner at the Alhambra Ballroom in Harlem. A friend of the grooms, Nekira Grant, choreographed performances for both receptions. At the Alhambra, the couple appeared to dance on clouds, thanks to a fog machine.

Ceremony Mr. Britton had to wrestle the ring onto Mr. Miller’s finger, causing sympathetic laughter and applause from the guests. Mr. Miller’s twin brother, Belvin, was his best man.

A version of this article appears in print on April 5, 2015, on page ST14 of the New York edition with the headline: Call It the Pisces Effect.

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