"A Little Sane Advice..."

Do You & Your Man Have Opposing Sex Drives?

Blake Michaels
March 30, 2015

There’s a difference between sex drive and sexual desire…

When you and your man have opposing sex drives, life can be frustrating. I know I for one love to have sex. Not necessarily with someone else, per say, but the need to have sexual stimulation is way more prominent in me than it has been for past boyfriends. Contrary to popular belief, sex isn’t the end all be all of compatibility, but when you’re stuck in the rut it might not seem so.

For men with high sex drives, it’s hard to believe there aren’t other guys like us. We’ve seen countless of guys willing to be stimulated by (or with) us that it’s spoiled our perspective for the big picture. While sex drives are prominent within a man’s genetic makeup, there still lies a spectrum on which we’re placed. Some are on the far end while others lie in the middle. Either way, the need for sex is still there. You just need to know how you and your man can find common ground.

Let’s forget about the sex drive for a second and start focusing on sexual desire, which is different. A drive is merely the fuel to act on your desire to have it. Just because a man might have a lot of desire for sex doesn’t mean he has enough drive to reap it, and vice versa. If you want to look at a man’s heart, don’t look at his sex drive – there, you’ll only judge him based on his horniness. Instead, look at where the desire is surfacing.

Sex is an integral part of any relationship, but for gay guys it’s become more than that. In our culture, we’ve been bred to believe that sexual desire defines how worthy we are to each other. When we feel like our partner loses his lust for us, it’s easy to feel less valuable. But trust me when I say there it’s way more complex than you think.

You cannot judge your attractiveness and value based on your man’s sex drive. Not one man has the same hormonal balance with another. Human beings are organic creatures with different equations and multiple selections of balance. Your man is never going to be on the same wavelength as you are, but you could get damn close.

Sexual stimulation can happen any time. Hell, even a gust of wind can make a man excited. Does that mean you’re going to get jealous of the wind? I don’t think so. Never should you blame your man for having more or less of a drive than you. The one thing you ought to count on him for is how desirable he makes you feel, not how many times you get him off per week.

I admit, it’s sexy when I see my man ache for me to touch him. It’s evident by his moans he thinks I’m sexy as hell, which in turn makes me feel appreciated. But I know whether he’s butt naked in my bed or keeping quiet in the kitchen reading the paper, his desire for me is always the same. I’m more than just a sex object. I’m an object of his desire.

Sex drive is a physiological requirement our bodies have. It’s an urge to seek our sexual needs, but rarely does it have to do with particular reasons other than to get us off. It’s emotionless, neutral, and has nothing to do with us or our man. It has to do with our biology and how we’re individually made. Just because a man has a lot of drive doesn’t mean he has the desire to act on it. If he has less than you do, it doesn’t mean his desire for you is any less. If you truly want to feel satisfied, forget about the drive for a while. Meet him in the middle and reaffirm your desire each and every day. Trust me, it’s better than sex.