"The Truth About Human Instincts..."

When Being A Gay Uncle Isn’t Good Enough – Figuring Out How To Have Kids 

By ROCK THE MIKE
March 25, 2015

Lately I’ve had a case of what I guess we can call baby fever.

I’ve been infatuated with the children of my family and friends but I’ve been wondering what mine would be like: Will they be outgoing? Will their mouths be smart as hell? On a scale of cute to fine as hell, how attractive will they be? Do I even have the patience to be with a child that might have the same temperament and demeanor as I do?

If there is a bright side to this dilemma it is that I don’t have to deal with a mini-me because one of us wouldn’t make it.

The harsh reality that a gay man (or two gay men) cannot have a child has begun to stand boldly in my face as of late. Although circumstances are different, we know the adoption process does not favor two men.
Most people want to have children, women want the perfect circumstances; a guy that they love and a stable environment. At a certain point women really begin to feel the pressure, the ticking sound of the biological clock seemingly grows louder and louder. Women that want a child often have the tools (and/or resources) to have one and live a lifestyle that is conducive to reproduction. A gay man on the other hand simply cannot. Working on creating the correct circumstances is something that I’d much rather work on than deal with the reality that no matter what happens I cannot have children on my own.

Don’t you think that you would have the most awesome kids ever?

My mother is a still making chicks 20 years her junior mad and my father was a genius so that basically makes me the prototype. These genes need to live!! However the fact is, there is a strong 98% chance that my genes won’t live and what a waste.

When being an uncle just isn’t enough, there are only a few other options that exist:

Have a planned baby with a female friend.

I’m not the only person who has had these conversations with their female friends. “If I’m not married on my 28th birthday, I’m slipping something in your drink so you can be my baby daddy. Our kids will be cute, think about it.” Quite honestly, nothing needs to be slipped in my drink. What if your friend does find a man?

What if she gets pregnant before then? What if y’all fall out? I can see this plan going south quickly.

Pretend you’re straight, get married to a woman, take pills to have sex, have a few kids and live a life where you’re unhappy.

Go through the long, long and long adoption process.

As far as my brown eyes can see, this is the answer. There are millions of wonderful children who need a loving home. There are children who through no fault of their own are homeless, abused and hungry. My leading option is to adopt, nurture, raise, teach and love at least one of these children and make sure that they reach their full potential.

Making plans to have children with someone I am not in a relationship with is not practical when there are already children here who- for lack of a better term- need me. At this point in my life, I still need to accomplish a few more goals before I consider adopting. However, I am forever thinking about ways to have children of my own.

Do you ever think about having children? What options are you considering?

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My husband and I are currently in the process of adopting our two foster sons and 20+ years ago, as a single, closeted gay man, I adopted my now 31 year old son. This article and me and my husband's lives speak to the truth of human instincts... I believe that we are all born to love and rear our children, even when we are born gay.  In fact, I believe that rearing children is one of the reasons why gay people exist.

Scientists who study evolutionary theory are slowly coming to an explanation for the perpetuation of homosexuality in our own species and that of the other animals...  In short, it's becoming apparent that we are nature's adaptation, her backup plan. We are the fail safe to ensure the survival of our species... We care for the children who might otherwise be lost when for whatever reasons, their biological parents can't ensure their survival.  

In our families, we are the "gay uncles" (and aunts) who contribute the extra resources to ensure that our nieces and nephews (who are indirectly carrying our genes) prosper and continue our bloodlines.  

Our modern society, for all it sophistication has been so slow to recognize the truth of what I've felt but couldn't explain from my earliest days as a boy... I always knew someday I'd be a dad and a beloved uncle, even as a dealt with the unresolved turmoil of realizing that I was gay and that my innate sexual orientation (at least in those days) was likely to preclude that strong instinct from being acted upon.

Now in 2015, there is no good reason for any gay man who truly feels the desire to be a dad not to pursue it. There are tens of thousands of children languishing in foster care dreaming of a forever home. Yes, being a single gay dad, or a gay couple with children is not easy, but it is incredibly fulfilling and I truly believe (although science has created new options for gay fatherhood) that loving and raising these children is one of our greatest purposes in life.

I love my children, my grandchildren, and my husband... The world changed before my very eyes and my dreams of being a dad (and super gay uncle) have all come true, they can for you too!

"Fear Eats the Soul"