"A Little Sane Advice..."

8 Ways For Gay Men to Have a Happy Relationship

David Artavia
August 28, 2014


It Takes Work For Gay Men To Be In A Successful Relationship

I once asked a gay couple that had been together for 25 years what their secret was. They said, “Separate bathrooms, separate closets, and a shared kitchen.” I tend to agree for the most part, but in today’s generation dating means so much more than practical things. It’s about respect, affirmation, and an ability to be free while committed.

Habits train our brains to think differently about our partners. During the early stages of a relationship, we often do them naturally. The real test is seeing how they’ve held up after two, five, ten years. Here are a few important ones you should try to hold on to:

#1) Going to bed at the same time. 

The bedroom is a symbol of your sexual chemistry (at least it should be). In the beginning stages of the relationship you probably couldn’t wait to go to bed at the same time to have a little hanky lanky; now, it’s become just another place to sleep. Happy couples have known that their time together in bed should be appreciated.

#2) Being unafraid to be seen publicly with your partner. 

This is 2014. It doesn’t matter where you are in the city because LGBT awareness is on the rise everywhere. Being afraid to hug, kiss, or touch your partner in public can damage the infrastructure of your relationship. Studies show that minor acts of PDA psychologically benefit both partners; it lets them feel valuable, worthy, and wanted.

#3) Supporting each others interest (even if it means bending your own from time to time). 

As the relationship grows, you also risk the chances of growing a part. This is common and most happy couples know it’s a symptom of close relationships. At that point, it’s up to them to decide whether their partner is worth the effort of continuing onward with. A great way of riding through the currents is to cultivate both of your interests within your daily activities. Doing things together that you both enjoy (not just him or you) will ripen and flourish the connection.

#4) Defending each other when they’re not in the room. 

I can always tell when a couple is never going to last because one usually affirms a bad opinion someone else has with their partner. In other words, they never defend him when he isn’t present. This shows where the heart truly lies. Most of the time it’s fine for a man to tease his partner when he isn’t in the room, because he is the one dating him. When someone else feels the need to throw daggers, if his partner doesn’t come to his defense, who will?

#5) Picking their fights. 

Gay men are the worst when it comes to fighting because our testosterone makes us aggressive (the joys of being a man). Sometimes it can blind us from seeing what’s logical, forcing us to rely on an egotistical need to be “right” – even if we know we’re wrong. Glancing at another man or doing anything that is harmless isn’t worth a fight. Instead of focusing on what a partner is doing wrong, focus on what they’re doing right. Fights quickly become personal when they’re picked carelessly. I suggest making them practical; that way, they’re not longer fights, but small disagreements.

#6) Having their own lives separate from the nest. 

Coming home after a long day of work can be amazing when your partner is there to see you, smile, and be ecstatic that you’re finally home. This will never happen if you’re together 24/7. Countless of couples tell me that even after 20 years they’re still excited to see each other. A life is yours and yours alone; your partner is only the cherry on top of it. When you both respect each others space, your time together is much more important.

#7) Affirming their love every single day. 

Hearing “I love you” is more powerful than you can ever imagine. It’s inspiring to see successful gay couples be unafraid to express their feelings; it gives younger single guys hope for their own futures. Say it before you go to work, send it randomly in a text message, affirm it every night before you go to bed. Saying “Have a good day” and “Good night” are crucial for your soul in many ways.

#8) You know & respect each others red flags. 

You should learn after the third or fourth fight about whatever the hell it is that it’s clearly a sticky subject with him. Intense red flags are usually spotted within the first year of dating, but they can be easily forgotten if you let yourself get to that point. Respect each others hot spots. Only boyfriends that have a complete lack of consideration for the others feelings will consistently push these buttons to entertain themselves. A long lasting relationship respects each others boundaries on touchy topics.

******

"Fear Eats the Soul"