"The Truth About Gay Men..."

Gay Men and Validation


By Adam D. Blum, MFT
September 1, 2013

Everyone loves validation.

Gay men often suffer from a scarcity in the validation department.  When you don’t get enough of something as a kid, you can be hungry for it for a very long time.

What Didn’t Happen

Here’s what probably didn’t happen to you:

When you were in first grade and wanted to hold hands with the tall boy in your classroom, no one told you it was “cute.”

When you had a crush on your third-grade reading teacher, your parents didn’t smile and tell you someday you’ll grow up and marry someone just like him.

In sixth grade you didn’t spend hours on the phone with your best friend, talking about the hunky boys in your class.

In eighth grade you didn’t play spin the bottle with a bunch of males in your parents’ rec room basement.

In tenth grade you didn’t cry in your mother’s arms when the dark-haired kid from Spanish class swiftly dumped you.

As you got ready for the prom, no one said that all the boys at the dance would be eyeing you in that great tuxedo.

The bottom line is that this core, built-in part of you -- your sexual attraction -- was not validated by the people who loved you.

Unlike with most straight kids, no one told you that your elementary school attractions were adorable or found your teenaged crushes charming.

In fact, for many of us, the silent message we received from the people we loved was that our attractions were weird, nasty, and to be hidden at all times.

Read the rest of this fascinating article at: 10thousandcouples.com


Adam D. Blum, MFT is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in relationship and self-esteem issues for gay men. He writes a blog on these topics at http://gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com/blog.  His work is informed by his own gay relationship of 24 years.

Adam offers offices services in his San Francisco office or by Skype and phone worldwide. He can be reached at 415-255-4266 or on his website at www.gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com

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"Fear Eats the Soul"