"This Made Me Smile..."

This is funny because it's so true...

I distinctly recall the P-day in Boot Camp when our company commanders explained that, 

"You motherfu*kers are gonna have to learn to swear like fu*kin sailors!"

He followed that up with a rhetorical question...

"Any of you sons of bitches gotta problem with that, then raise your godda*n hand."

And of the 90 or so of us recruits standing under a giant shed in the freezing cold of winter at Great Lakes, Illinois, one guy's hand went up! I'm sure you can imagine what happened next... he was berated with a barrage of profanity that I've never forgotten after nearly 40 years. The company commander ended his tirade with a question to our unwise fellow recruit, which he asked while yelling at the top of his lungs and standing so close to the poor guy that it looked like they'd kiss...

"So what's your problem, you candy-ass pussy?"

And in an astonishingly loud and clear voice, the recruit responded,

"Sir, because it offends our Heavenly Father, Sir!"

We all thought the CC was gonna beat the crap out of this guy,

but to our surprise, he took two steps back and said:

"If any of you other co*ksuckers ever find yourselves in battle, you better hope this brave motherfu*ker is with you!"

And that ended that day's lesson in how to swear like a sailor.  Later that evening after chow and just before lights out, I found myself sitting on the floor next to that recruit and I asked him why he said that, and he simply replied, 

"Because I believe it, I'm a Mormon."

I'd love to tell you how that brave (or foolish) fellow and I became fast friends, but we  never actually spoke again during 10 more weeks of boot camp. I have no idea what happened to him, but I've never forgotten his bravery or his conviction in his beliefs.