"The Imitation Of Life..."

What a different world it is today...

When I was a boy, I thought I was so very alone in the world dealing with what I was feeling and discovering about myself. In movies and television there was nothing like what we see today to confirm that what I was feeling was okay and that I wasn't some aberration of nature. Instead, whenever I did stumble across the depiction of "us," it was always negative and there were no happy endings. 

I distinctly recall a 1973 episode of Marcus Welby that was one of my earliest recollections of same-sex attracted people in a television program. The episode was titled, "The Other Martin Loring." It was highly controversial for even dealing with the topic of homosexuality, and it was protested by early gay rights groups for its equating of  homosexuality with illness.

In the story, Martin Loring consults with Dr. Welby regarding several health issues. He is an alcoholic, overweight, depressed and diabetic. Martin tells the concerned doctor that he is simply overworked and under stress. That night, his wife Margaret announces she is divorcing him and suing for full custody of their son Billy; she calls him an unfit parent. When he threatens a countersuit, she responds by saying that she will hold nothing back to keep him from getting their son. Later, Martin collapses. Dr. Welby tends to him, then speaks with Margaret, who tells him their marriage is over. Suspecting infidelity, Dr. Welby is surprised when Margaret tells him she wishes that the problem was another woman.

The next day, Margaret serves Martin with divorce papers. After a drink and an insulin shot, Martin has a car accident. He is arrested for drunk driving, but the good doctor convinces the police it was an insulin overdose. Dr. Welby speaks with Martin's mother, and after learning that Martin's father was distant, deduces that Martin is a homosexual. After initially denying it, Martin acknowledges having homosexual tendencies. Dr. Welby suggests that Martin is not really a homosexual, but is instead suffering from "latent homosexuality" and that it is his fear of being a homosexual that is leading to his depression. Martin resists this diagnosis, but after attempting suicide, agrees to see a psychiatrist. Dr. Welby expresses his assurances that Martin will win his "fight" and one day be able to live a "normal" life.

Now this was the power of movies and television... from that night forward, after seeing that Marcus Welby episode, I was convinced, that I was ill too. For many years, well into my late teens, I concluded that I too was "suffering from latent homosexuality." In fact, I was nearly 40 before I began to dispel those beliefs that there was something wrong with me. Interestingly, it was around the same time that we started to see positive depictions of same-sex attracted people in cinema and more importantly, on television. Much has been said about "Will and Grace" and I will agree that it was a seminal turning point in how "we" were depicted and more importantly perceived by others. I could identify with Will and his dreams and I slowly began to have dreams of my own.