"In Memoriam..."

Jonious P. Kitty

"Joni"

Sunset December 27, 2017

Devoted Companion - Beloved Friend

Yesterday was one of the hardest days of recent memory... We said goodbye to the littlest member of our family. Joni was about 14 or 15 years old.

In his old age, our kitty Joni had become quite frail... And although the spring had gone from his step, the glimmer of love never left his eyes. Early yesterday morning when I came down stairs, I found him quite sick and as I cradled him in my arms, I realized he was leaving us after so many years together. I sat on the floor with him and held him and cried for the better part of a couple of hours until it was late enough to wake my husband and the children.

As together we sat around our little friend trying to comfort him, you could tell by the looks on all our faces that we knew the dreaded day had arrived. I had been trying to prepare us for that day for the last year or so as we all watched Joni's slow but inexorable decline into elderly frailty. But around Thanksgiving this year, he'd rallied and even gained some weight and he had become more playful and affectionate with everyone. In hindsight, I don't know how missed that sure sign that his departure was eminent. I saw the same thing with my parents and when I worked in death care, I heard it recounted to me everyday, how just before the final rapid decline, a brief rally of strength and vigor returns, almost as if that last little bit of life had to get out and be shared.

But yesterday, Joni was telling us that his suffering was now too great to hide from us... It was time to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. My husband Ed didn't want to speak of it, but I knew it was the final act of love for our little kitty that he deserved... we needed to help him have a good death. I called around trying to get a vet to come out to our home as I knew Joni would not want to leave the familiar surroundings of home, but the earliest anyone could come would be late in the evening and we knew that was too long to let him suffer.

My husband Ed asked me to take Joni to the vet near our home and although I didn't want to do it, I knew it was the right thing to do for our dear little friend. I left my husband and children comforting Joni to go get dressed. As I did, I put on extra cologne to be sure Joni could smell me and know I was near and I hoped that would comfort him on his last journey. I brought down the new bed he'd gotten for Christmas and he stumbled into it as our boys wrapped him and it in his favorite blanket. I went out into the bitter cold of a bright but bleak winter morning to warm the car and when I returned we were all in tears as my husband and our 12 year old son, Dustin bid him their final goodbyes.

We put a second blanket right over him in his bed to keep the cold away and my 16 year old son, D'Mitris picked him up bed and all and carried him out to the car where he rode on his lap and I slowly drove the couple of miles to the vet's office. Although it was bitterly cold, and it was such a sad occasion, I realized that it was a bright and beautiful day and for a moment or two, Joni poked his head up to take a last look at the world going by. As we drove along through the snow, I played his favorite music (he loved Christmas harp music as much as I do, whenever I'd play it he'd come sit with me and listen too). When we arrived, I left Joni and my son in the car as I went in to make the arrangements and pay the vet's fee.

When the vet was ready for him, I went out and my son carried him in swaddled in his bed. We sat the bed down and when we pulled back the covers, Joni looked unafraid as he snuggled a flower from our Christmas centerpiece that I guess my husband had placed there when I went out to warm the car... the sight of our sweet kitty with that beautiful white flower reduced me to tears yet again as the vet examined him and agreed that indeed his time had come. The vet gave him a shot to sedate him and then left my son and I with him to say our final goodbyes. As we petted and nuzzled him, I don't know if it was my tear or his own that I saw run down Joni's cheek, but he looked relieved and at peace.

A few minutes later, as the vet returned with what I want to believe was a dose of mercy and release, I gently kissed Joni's sweet little head and whispered that I hoped to see him on the other side one day. The vet shaved a little spot on Joni's arm so that he could find a vein and in a moment the injection was done and in another moment, my son and I watched as Joni drew in one last labored breath and then fell still and silent while still nuzzling that little white flower in his bed.

We swaddled him in his bed and brought him back home. Getting out of the car, I took him from my son's arms and I carried him back into his home. I sat with him on my lap next to the Christmas tree and I cried and recalled in my mind all the times over all the Christmases that he'd sat with me there in that chair. When I had no more tears to shed, I rose, leaving him beneath his blanket in his bed on the chair and I called my son Dustin to come and help me.

As my husband Ed dug a little grave in the back yard, Dustin and I built Joni a sturdy little pine box. I lined it with his favorite blanket and then alone with him, I lovingly placed him in it and gazed upon the face of my sweetest little friend for the last time before I screwed down the lid and brought him upstairs again.

My husband and I carried him out while our boys looked on from the windows. I finished digging the little grave my husband had started in the shade of the pear tree Joni loved to sleep under on summer visits to the yard. And as my husband lost his battle to hold back his tears and grief, I laid Joni in his grave as my husband said his final goodbye amidst the snow and the cold and the beauty of the clear winter's day. We went in and our home was strangely somber and more quiet than it had ever been in years. After a while, I cooked a meal for our family and when I served it, I put on the Christmas harp music in memory of our lost little friend.

Later, as dusk began to fall, it broke my heart as I watched my husband trudge through the snow to the spot where we'd laid Joni down to light a candle for our beloved little companion. Through the window, I watched that candle for much of the evening and into the night, and as the little flame flickered and danced in the biting winter breeze I remembered all the joy one little cat brought to my life and I prayed that if there is a Heaven that he might be there waiting for us on the other side.

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You won't know this, but Joni would sit with me most mornings well before dawn as I'd prepare the day's posts of this blog and so in his honor, I will be in mourning for Joni and on hiatus for the rest of this week... New posts will resume on Sunday. Until then, here are some posts mentioning and featuring my beloved little companion, confidant and friend.

"Fear Eats the Soul"