"The Truth About Who We Are..."

Adrián, Psychologist, Buenos Aires, Argentina by thegaymenproject

photos by Kevin Truong

photos by Kevin Truong

Adrián, in his own words: "Being gay means to me to be who I am and not someone different, like a “Faked Me” or a “Multiple Me”. Before fully coming out of the closet, and depending upon the circumstances and social environments I was into,

Being gay also made me a better person and has brought to me a better quality of life, since I feel psychologically and physically healthier. I can say that once I came out as a gay man, respecting my own personal timing and those of the loved people around me, I had the chance to integrate my life in such a positive way that I couldn’t imagine before.

During my childhood and teenagehood times I didn’t understand why I was different from others, I felt attracted to girls and also to…boys! Boys finally won the battle! I love women and they are close to me in my personal life but I choose boys to move forward ;-)

Now I try to live my life in peace, since I feel this is the only life I have to live and I fully live it as a gay man.

As most of the people, I could say that I faced many challenges in my life. I have succeeded in some of them and I couldn’t make it in some others.

To come out of the closet was among the most important challenges and successes in my life. To be self confident and to remain optimistic about what could come next in life were very important to me. To be honest to myself and to my beloved ones also contributed a lot to be a better person.

To reach a good and safe balance between my personal life, my social life, my work life and my public life has been not less important.

Although I was able to smoothly walk through my coming out process in my personal world, by realizing that I have been a second class citizen for most my life, as most of the LGBT folks around world, I left my comfort zone and used the streets for something different than walking around. I joined the LGBT pride parades in the cities where I have lived and I live.

Also, I decided to make my contribution to the LGBT community by joining the LGBT most important organization in Argentina: the Argentinean LGBT Federation.

Finally, the fact of being conscious that I want to have my own family, my own LGBT family, makes face the most challenging and pending “issue” in my life….Hope I can make it someday soon!

I came out in 1994, at the age of 26. Of course, I had full conscious about a non-strictly-straight sexual orientation before that. At least, I was conscious I felt attracted to both men and women. As a kid, I had dreams in which a TV show hero protected me and I felt something more than protection in an affectionate and non-sexual way. But I had a girlfriend with whom I played girly games at the school. Apart from that, I loved and I love cars! As a teenager, things were different…wet dreams came together with “disturbing” images of myself kissing one of my male friends (the cutest one, of course! ;-).

Real life wasn’t easy. My confusion left my sexual life stuck until I took the bull by the horns. I met a beautiful girl at the University, felt in love with her and before moving into the sex part, I told her about my not-clearly-defined sexual orientation. That was the first stage of my coming out process. She was OK with it and we had a two-year relationship, with sex and all the stuff included…But the men-oriented-part of me was still there pushing to move further and come out!…So my girlfriend and I broke up, we stayed close and, in a possible way, together. We still love each other and we’re currently friends and family in a way. We stay in contact on a weekly basis since those early years.

Then, coming back to those funny years, one day I met a handsome thirteen-year-older-than-me and openly gay man, in a work-related situation. I had such a crush on him that I couldn’t calm my heart and soul (and my body!) until we had our first date. After that date, my coming out was fully complete! Tested and double checked: I was gay! He was the second man I loved in my life (the first was my dad!). We were into a sort of relationship for seven years.

Regarding my parents, since I had had a quite transparent life for them, I managed the situation to introduce my boyfriend to them when they began asking about “my new older friend” that they have never ever heard a word about before…Once they met him, I could made clear to them that I stayed at his place every weekend and some nights during the week. After my mom passed away, my family and I started to spend Christmas with my boyfriend’s friends and family.

In between, these two important relationships, a back and forth moment took place in my life and I started dating a new girl…Can you believe it?? What was I thinking?? And my ex-girl friend discovered the situation: the three of us hazardously met at the entrance of the building I live in with my parents…. My ex-girlfriend was visiting my family and my-then-new girlfriend was walking me home…They both began yelling at me and I thought to my self: how did I end up here?? I’m gay!! Stop this! But these thoughts stayed in my mind and I just managed the situation to calm everybody down.

This is my coming out story.

The gay community in Buenos Aires is very active and quite visible. Buenos Aires, the city where I was born and raised, was always cosmopolitan and open to different ways of life. Historically, it has been a city of cultural reference in arts and culture in South America. And this is a reflection of how people are.

Life here is quite similar to some other big cosmopolitan cities, at least from the western world, based on my experience. I had the chance to live New York, in Manhattan, in Madrid, in Barcelona and traveled quite a lot, particularly around Europe. Differences come out regarding cultural believes and practices, countries’ economical development and equal legislation for LGBT people.

Argentina has made a tremendous advance in terms of LGBT human rights after year 2010, with the fully-equal marriage law, and the 2012 gender identity law, among others. However, the equal legislation is just the starting point to enjoy a full citizenship status, here and everywhere. We still need to eliminate not few discriminatory barriers and practices in Buenos Aires and Argentina. We need both the equality in the law and the equality in the real life to be fully integrated as a society.

Before these changes in the law took place, being gay in Buenos Aires was a very good experience to me. This city has been traditionally open to diversity, although not free from discrimination or acts of violence. In my personal life I did not face any harmful situation because of being gay. I have freedom to express myself, to openly go to gay bars or discos, meet other guys, and to integrate my social circles when it was possible or convenient. However, it is important to say that being gay is different depending upon where in Argentina one lives or it is raised. It is not the same Buenos Aires than the suburbs, or the countryside or the small cities along Argentina. Likewise, it is not the same being gay than being lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Opportunities, chances, discrimination, visibility, among others, are not the same.

I would say to my younger self: no matter how you are, who you feel attracted to or the way you express yourself, I love you just the way you are, the way you were and the way you will be. To be a better person and to love and accept the other persons you have to firstly love and accept yourself. And never lost your self-confidence: you are your best ally to allay your soul, your mind and your heart!"

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"Fear Eats the Soul"