"It's Not So Funny..."

Nicholas Brown, 9, says that constantly watching his gay parents fornicate

has “warped” his young, impressionable mind

Adopted Child Sick Of Gay Parents Forcing Him To Watch Them Have Sex

NEWS • Local • Gay & Lesbian • Kids • ISSUE 50•01 • Jan 9, 2014

LACONIA, NH—Saying that the experience has been highly detrimental to his development as a happy, healthy, and spiritually grounded member of society, local adopted child Nicholas Brown told reporters Thursday he has grown sick and tired of his homosexual parents always forcing him to watch while they have sex.

Brown, a nine-year-old boy who ever since being taken in by same-sex partners Ethan and Thomas Brown has been repeatedly compelled to witness his adoptive parents have unrestrained sexual intercourse, claimed that these ongoing episodes have had an extremely deteriorative effect on his budding moral values.

"Ever since I got here, it's the same routine every day: As soon as I get home from school, my dads lead me into their bedroom, lock the door, and make me watch them go at it for hours and hours," said Brown, emphasizing that this never-ending ritual has had a "toxic" effect on his impressionable young mind. "I wake up in the morning, and they're in my bedroom having sex. They drive me to school, and they're going down on each other in the front seat. I hate it."

"I try to tell them ‘Hey, you guys, your godless acts are corrupting me and causing long-term psychological and emotional damage,’ but they just don’t listen," he added.

According to Brown, since being adopted in the summer of 2010, his new parents have, under the state's permissive adoption laws, brought him into an environment in which he is subjected to explicit gay sex on a daily basis. Brown said that since involuntarily joining the household, his parents have mandated that he observe them engage in thousands of carnal activities, all of which he claimed have irreversibly "warped" his fledgling moral principles.

Furthermore, Brown noted that on those rare occasions in which his parents are not forcing him to watch them enthusiastically fornicate with both one another and a rotating cast of friends, men they pick up at night clubs, and complete strangers, they have done everything in their power to make sure he remains under their influence.

"There's a TV in the living room that's always playing these gay porno movies, and it's all we ever watch," said Brown, who identified his adoptive parents as his de facto role models and the only people he has the option of looking up to during his current, formative years. "I try to get away from it by playing in the park or going to church like normal kids do, but my dads always bring me back home and make me watch them jerk each other off. At this point, the gay lifestyle is all I know."

"They're raising me as one of their own," Brown continued, adding his belief that his parents' homosexuality is also eroding the spiritual identity of the larger community.

In addition to his day-to-day life watching his parents participate in sodomy, group sex, fisting, heavy bondage, piss play, zoophilia and extended bouts of anilingus, Brown revealed that his guardians have done their best to instill their own unique beliefs and perspectives into their son through varied non-sexual behavior that includes drug abuse, repeatedly denying the existence of God, and advocating for socialized medicine.

However, in the face of the unyielding nature of these and other proclivities that are constantly being forced on him, the vulnerable adolescent told reporters that he often feels an overriding emptiness that other children his age don't have to contend with.

"I really want to have strong values like my friends, but I know that won’t happen if I’m watching my dads have sex all the time," said Brown, who noted that he himself unwillingly began harboring an intense desire to have intercourse with men the moment he was inducted into his new family. "As long as I'm under their roof, I'll never have an idea of what a regular life is like, and I'll never get the chance to grow into a normal, well-rounded adult.”

"And to think, every kid in the country with gay parents is probably going through the exact same harrowing experience as me," he added.

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I love the Onion's scathing satire... There is no subject that's sacred to them and it seems there is no limit to the lengths they'll go to in order to get a rise out of people.  Sadly, based on the testimony of some of the witnesses in Michigan's Marriage Equality trial last week, this is really what they're afraid of.  Of course it's as ridiculous as it reads here, but somewhere out there, you know there is someone who will read this and not knowing what and who the Onion is, will repeat it as real news.  It's happened before... people can be incredibly gullible. This "satirical article" has been shared more than 4600 times on Facebook (I haven't checked, but I know someone out there shared it believing it to be real...

"Fear Eats the Soul"