Above: Our handmade wedding announcements created by Eddie
My journey in this life has been filled with surprisingly tragic and at times comical events leading up to the day I've dreamed of since I was a little boy. I can quite clearly remember being just 6 or 7 years old and telling my parents and anyone else within ear shod that I was going to grow up, fall in love, get married and have a big family. The funny-tragic part of this is that I was aware even at that early age that I was different and I would over the course of the many years that followed come to believe that that childhood dream could never be.
For most of my life, I lived in denial of the truth of my heart. I realized as early as 5 years old that I felt different than the other little boys and I learned just as early to hide that fact as best I could. Nevertheless, I was terrorized and bullied during my school years. So much so that I dropped out of school in the ninth grade. Although I found my way in the world and eventually got the education that I needed to have many successful careers, until recently, I never stopped trying to hide the fact that I was different.
At 32, I married a woman on the strength of a false hope that it would make me "not gay." That ended terribly and I resigned myself to being "alone in the world" (to quote someone I would later love.) When my mother, who was my best friend left for heaven, I knew then that I could not long bear the loneliness of the path I had chosen for myself. It was then that I finally acknowledged what I had known about myself for decades and I decided to try to find true love... for me, the love of a man.
I've met relatively few men, but fell in love with several including Stephen Christopher Harris, who I perhaps loved far more than even myself. And although Stephen was not alone in making me the promises that spoke to my dreams as a little boy, he was the one who convinced me that those dreams could come true. Alas, although he was right about those dreams being able to come true, he was the greatest liar of them all and his demons and fears nearly killed me.
And yet, after waiting for Stephen for more than a thousand and one days, on the urging of my dear friend, Mark, I decided to try one more time to meet someone true and honest who wanted the same dreams I'd held onto for a lifetime... a relationship based in love and trust and mutual respect for each other.
Much to my surprise, I found him over a year ago. I've mentioned him here just three other times. I call him Eddie and he loves me in the way that I always dreamed of being loved - honestly. It's funny in that he's nothing like the other men that I've fallen in love with. He's eclectic, artistic, sometimes brutally frank, but also kind, forgiving, thoughtful, and loving. When I realized that I was falling in love with him, while still carrying with me all the feelings that I felt for Stephen Christopher Harris, I was quite shaken and confused.
But with the passing of time and the sharing of hearts and dreams, Eddie has displaced the feelings for Stephen Christopher Harris that had been for so long immovably lodged in my heart. I love him in a completely different way to the ways that I loved the few others before him and I recognize that it's in "the right way" as my friend, Mark would point out. We support one another, we care about one another, and we love each other. What's important to me is important to him and his dreams are mine and mine are his.
We took a short vacation to Chicago last year and it was there that I knew he was the one that I'd spend the rest of my life with. I proposed to him and he accepted. We'd planned to get married sooner, but work and life and death and other issues kept getting in the way. But finally, everything fell into place and we're getting married in about two weeks. We'll be travelling across the river to Windsor, Ontario, Canada for a civil ceremony in Council Chambers at City Hall. My friend Mark will be my best man and we're having a reception on this side of the border so our friends and family can celebrate with us.
I'll be slowly introducing you to Eddie and to our life together as time goes on. I think I haven't before because I didn't want to "jinx" what we have... I've always been very superstitious and I guess I didn't want to take any chances. But I can say that I have no doubts about Eddie... He's been there for me and proved his love: doctor's visits, work functions, sharing in the sorrows of death and the joys of life. I know he loves me, and though my heart's been wounded, battered and crushed by others, I trust him with it and I love him.
I had to overcome many fears along the way to arrive at the day soon to be at hand, and I was able to do it because I know...
For most of my life, I lived in denial of the truth of my heart. I realized as early as 5 years old that I felt different than the other little boys and I learned just as early to hide that fact as best I could. Nevertheless, I was terrorized and bullied during my school years. So much so that I dropped out of school in the ninth grade. Although I found my way in the world and eventually got the education that I needed to have many successful careers, until recently, I never stopped trying to hide the fact that I was different.
At 32, I married a woman on the strength of a false hope that it would make me "not gay." That ended terribly and I resigned myself to being "alone in the world" (to quote someone I would later love.) When my mother, who was my best friend left for heaven, I knew then that I could not long bear the loneliness of the path I had chosen for myself. It was then that I finally acknowledged what I had known about myself for decades and I decided to try to find true love... for me, the love of a man.
I've met relatively few men, but fell in love with several including Stephen Christopher Harris, who I perhaps loved far more than even myself. And although Stephen was not alone in making me the promises that spoke to my dreams as a little boy, he was the one who convinced me that those dreams could come true. Alas, although he was right about those dreams being able to come true, he was the greatest liar of them all and his demons and fears nearly killed me.
And yet, after waiting for Stephen for more than a thousand and one days, on the urging of my dear friend, Mark, I decided to try one more time to meet someone true and honest who wanted the same dreams I'd held onto for a lifetime... a relationship based in love and trust and mutual respect for each other.
Much to my surprise, I found him over a year ago. I've mentioned him here just three other times. I call him Eddie and he loves me in the way that I always dreamed of being loved - honestly. It's funny in that he's nothing like the other men that I've fallen in love with. He's eclectic, artistic, sometimes brutally frank, but also kind, forgiving, thoughtful, and loving. When I realized that I was falling in love with him, while still carrying with me all the feelings that I felt for Stephen Christopher Harris, I was quite shaken and confused.
But with the passing of time and the sharing of hearts and dreams, Eddie has displaced the feelings for Stephen Christopher Harris that had been for so long immovably lodged in my heart. I love him in a completely different way to the ways that I loved the few others before him and I recognize that it's in "the right way" as my friend, Mark would point out. We support one another, we care about one another, and we love each other. What's important to me is important to him and his dreams are mine and mine are his.
We took a short vacation to Chicago last year and it was there that I knew he was the one that I'd spend the rest of my life with. I proposed to him and he accepted. We'd planned to get married sooner, but work and life and death and other issues kept getting in the way. But finally, everything fell into place and we're getting married in about two weeks. We'll be travelling across the river to Windsor, Ontario, Canada for a civil ceremony in Council Chambers at City Hall. My friend Mark will be my best man and we're having a reception on this side of the border so our friends and family can celebrate with us.
I'll be slowly introducing you to Eddie and to our life together as time goes on. I think I haven't before because I didn't want to "jinx" what we have... I've always been very superstitious and I guess I didn't want to take any chances. But I can say that I have no doubts about Eddie... He's been there for me and proved his love: doctor's visits, work functions, sharing in the sorrows of death and the joys of life. I know he loves me, and though my heart's been wounded, battered and crushed by others, I trust him with it and I love him.
I had to overcome many fears along the way to arrive at the day soon to be at hand, and I was able to do it because I know...
"A life lived in fear is a life half-lived..."
Wish you all the best, and the happiness you DO deserve.
ReplyDeleteToo bad I won't be able to attend to your wedding. But I am finally happy that you got what you were looking for and get over you-know-who.