"Erin Go Bragh..."

As debate rages over whether Ireland's civil partnership laws mean true equality, one Dublin couple take the chance to say ‘I do’




By Niamh Walsh
27th February 2011

It is a picture that will delight the gay community in Ireland and shock some religious conservatives; the photograph of the first gay couple in Ireland to publicly tie the knot.

These exclusive pictures by the Irish Mail on Sunday show Danny Ryan and Fergal Johnston as they registered their civil union in the Bracken Court Hotel in Balbriggan.

Even a few years ago, a same-sex union was unthinkable in Ireland. But thanks to the Civil Partnership Act that came into force last month, the union of gay couples is now recognised under Irish law.

And Danny and Fergal celebrated that landmark with a moving ceremony on Friday, walking hand-in-hand down the aisle wearing matching Hugo Boss suits, ivory waistcoats and ties donated by Louis Copeland for the day.
The strains of classical violins filled the room as close family members and friends looked on. Danny’s younger brother, Shane and Fergal’s best friend, Louise Byrne, acted as witnesses while registrar Caroline Hamill called those gathered to ‘celebrate… a civil partnership of love and commitment’.

After establishing that there was no legal reason why either man could not enter into a civil partnership, the couple then exchanged vows – which differed only slightly from those uttered in a traditional marriage ceremony.

‘I do solemnly swear that I know not of any lawful impediment why I may not register as a civil partner,’ Fergal pledged. ‘I declare my intention to live with you and support you and I will accept you as my civil partner in accordance with the law.’

Nervous, he fluffed his lines – prompting ripples of laughter from onlookers before Danny pledged his own love. As he vowed eternal loyalty, Danny was overcome by the significance of the occasion – and the tears started to flow. His mother passed him a tissue and he was able to continue, albeit with an emotion-choked voice.

‘I promise to share my life with you and I promise to love and honour and support you. I will respect you and be true to you in good times and through bad times. To these promises I give my word,’ he said.

The pair then exchanged rings, matching white gold bands encrusted with four diamonds which they had bought in New York.

They signed the register and were officially pronounced civil partners – and when the registrar invited the newlyweds to kiss, their joy was evident. They shared the moment with hugs all around from family and friends, as well as a glass or two of champagne, before going for their first meal as a married couple.

After the ceremony, Danny said he now felt complete. ‘You grow up thinking that you will never be able to get married so it feels weird but wonderful that I now have,’ he said. ‘Personally I feel complete and accepted by society.’

Fergal said the wedding helped him discover a new sense of self. ‘I feel equal now. I have more of an identity.’

Although Danny and Fergal are happy that they can at last be recognised as a couple, they feel that there is still a long way to go.

‘I think the new Bill is the first step, given how far behind Ireland is,’ said Danny. ‘But I think there should be full rights as regards adoption and other issues. Why shouldn’t we have the same rights as everyone else? I think it’s the next step and is moving ahead with the times, it’s the start of the norm.’

Londoner Danny and Fergal, from Drumcondra in Dublin, met seven years ago when Fergal was working as a flight attendant with BMI and Danny happened to be a passenger on his flight.

Danny was returning from celebrating his sister’s 21st birthday party in Dublin. As soon as the flight landed, legal secretary Danny handed one of the other attendants a note to give to Fergal with his phone number. Fergal called a few days later.

‘I said, “I’m very flattered but it won’t work – we live in different countries”,’ he recalls.

However, fate intervened as a few months later he was transferred to London and they started going out together as a couple.

A year later, Danny’s employers opened an office in Dublin and, with his family by now living in Laois, and Fergal deciding to leave BMI and get an office job, the pair moved to Carlow where they were made feel welcome.

‘Carlow was great. There was only one club and everyone was in it, gay straight, black white so people were forced to mix. It was very accepting as a town.’

After spending a year commuting to Dublin the couple bought their first house together in north Co. Dublin but they had to get a mortgage as two friends, not as a couple.

‘It didn’t matter at the time as we just wanted to buy a house, but it would have been nice to have something official that recognised us as a couple.’

The pair are nonchalant about the necessity of buying the home as ‘just friends’, but it is a striking example of why proponents of gay rights have been so adamant in their struggle to have civil unions recognised.

In 2009 Danny proposed to Fergal by sending him a bouquet of multi-coloured foil balloons to his office with a note attached saying, ‘I love you, I love you, I love you I do. Just make this day special and say you “do” too. Will you marry me?’

Luckily, the answer was a strident ‘Yes yes yes’.

‘I was mortified,’ said Fergal. ‘But then I read the note and I was shocked and delighted so I texted him straight away.’

Initially they planned to get married in the British embassy in Dublin on February 25.

But when the law changed, providing legal recognition for a same-sex union, staff at the embassy told them they could no longer provide the service.

So Fergal and Danny then applied to the courts to get married on that date.

While gay civil partnerships are not recognised by religious organisations, the new law extends marriage-like benefits to gay couples in the areas of property, social welfare, succession rights, maintenance, pensions and tax.

Fergal is a practising Catholic while Danny is Church of England. Both are critical of the Catholic Church’s stance on gay marriage.

‘With everything that has gone on in the Catholic Church, I think it makes a mockery of them to say they don’t accept gay marriages or that we can’t get married in a church,’ they both said.

Danny was 17 when ‘came out’ to parents who were ‘fine about it’. As he acknowledges, ‘London was a different place than Dublin’, and he never encountered prejudice socially or in a work environment.

‘I was probably most nervous telling my dad but he was fine,’ explains Danny. ‘And my younger brother grew up knowing that I dated guys and it was quite normal and he’s the next generation.’

Things weren’t as easy for Fergal, however. He spent years being ‘terrified’ of admitting he was gay to family and friends, although he now believes everyone knew his sexuality but never spoke about it. Fergal came out seven years ago, at the age of 23, when he met Danny.

‘I was sick of people saying that Danny was my mate so I sat my parents down and told them.’ Like Danny’s parents, they readily accepted the fact that their son was gay: all they wanted was for him to be happy.

Union: The moment when Danny and Fergal sealed their commitment to one another
‘I was dreading coming out but it’s the best thing I ever did, Once it’s out in the open it’s so much easier,’ said Fergal. But he is still the more reserved of the couple, finding it a bit more difficult to be open about his past and sexuality.

His struggle to come to the point of admitting he was gay grew out of lingering stereotypes in Irish society or a type of conservatism, when compared with places such as London where a gay lifestyle is no longer out of the ordinary.

While finding the Dublin gay scene small after living in London, the couple say they have never encountered any anti-gay prejudice here.

‘That’s not to say that it doesn’t happen,’ points out Danny. ‘I wouldn’t say Ireland is the safest place to come out. The gay circuit is very small and there are always gay bars closing down which can cause insecurity. But in saying that we have a great social life and have never had any problems in gay or straight bars,’ said Danny.

Danny and Fergal are the third gay couple to enter into a civil union since the new law came in.

The first two couples opted to get hitched in private after fast-tracking their application. Danny and Fergal were determined, however to celebrate their union publicly.

Next week they will fly to Benalmadena in Spain for a blessing, surrounded by some 50 friends and workmates before their honeymoon. But before all that, there’s the joint stag night in Swords’ Wright Venue.

‘We believe it is important to say to others, “This is normal, guys, and if you are gay you can have still have a legal union with the person you love”.’

They also feel it is important to send a strong message to other young men who may be struggling with their sexuality.

As Danny points out, ‘Hopefully by us going public it may help other people.’

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"A life lived in fear is a life half-lived..."