William McKenzie: Same-sex Marriage is About Fairness
Monday, June 21, 2010
Laura Bush made news – and generated some heat – when she recently told CNN's Larry King that she favors the right of gays and lesbians to marry.
"There are a lot of people who have trouble coming to terms with that because they see marriage as traditionally between a man and a woman," the former first lady said. "But I also know that, you know, when couples are committed to each other and love each other, that they ought to have, I think, the same sort of rights that everyone has."
She acknowledged that her position differs from her husband's but that she believes Americans eventually will accept gay marriage.
It's a safe bet she won't be invited anytime soon to address a Focus on the Family gathering, but she's right.
I say that as someone who as recently as a couple of years ago wasn't ready to sign onto same-sex marriages. I wrote then that I was relieved that I had to stay home and take care of the kids when my wife and I were invited to a ceremony where gay friends were celebrating their vows. I just didn't know how to respond.
I still don't fully know how to react, but my response to how gays and lesbians relate to each other isn't the issue. What's at stake is whether it's fair to deny them the same rights as heterosexual couples.
To me, it's not fair. And my opinion has been formed more viscerally and anecdotally than through a breakthrough in legal thinking.
What finally pushed me over the edge was standing at a small family wedding in California last fall when the person officiating asked us to take a moment to remember our own vows. Next to me was a relative who, like me, is in his 50s, and, like me, has been in a committed relationship for some time. Except his commitment is to another man, who was standing beside him.
It felt odd in that moment, knowing they had to basically shuffle their feet. More than odd, it felt unfair. They lived like any married straight couple in their 50s. They worry about their jobs, medical care and elderly family.
I realized then that I had run out of reasons to not stick my neck out in favor of gay marriage.
Again, I don't understand much about gay culture. And I think it is smart for society to slowly weigh the ins-and-outs of this potential shift in marital arrangements. Societies are better off when they take the time to absorb changes, rather than rush into them.
Marriage, after all, has been the province of male-female couples for centuries. No one, including gay activists, should assume that tradition will change without plenty of deliberation.
But Laura Bush has it right: Change is coming. Many seniors and baby boomers may not sign on yet, but most of their children and grandchildren do. Polls even show young evangelicals embracing the concept.
Of course, there are theological issues to consider. Some consider homosexuality a sin. But the New Testament also talks about there being neither Jew nor Greek in God's Kingdom. We are all his creatures.
Likewise, there are legal issues to resolve. Should states or the feds decide this? Same-sex marriages or civil unions? (I'd say states should make the call, because they long have determined marriage laws. And I'd say same-sex marriages because they afford couples more legal rights than civil unions.)
But it would be a shame if the debate got sidetracked by legalities, as important as they are. What matters more is the concept of fairness.
That is what Laura Bush seemed to be getting at in saying loving and committed gay couples deserve the same legal rights as anyone else. It's understandable why society is taking its time, but in the end it should be about being fair.
William McKenzie is a Dallas Morning News editorial columnist.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Laura Bush made news – and generated some heat – when she recently told CNN's Larry King that she favors the right of gays and lesbians to marry.
"There are a lot of people who have trouble coming to terms with that because they see marriage as traditionally between a man and a woman," the former first lady said. "But I also know that, you know, when couples are committed to each other and love each other, that they ought to have, I think, the same sort of rights that everyone has."
She acknowledged that her position differs from her husband's but that she believes Americans eventually will accept gay marriage.
It's a safe bet she won't be invited anytime soon to address a Focus on the Family gathering, but she's right.
I say that as someone who as recently as a couple of years ago wasn't ready to sign onto same-sex marriages. I wrote then that I was relieved that I had to stay home and take care of the kids when my wife and I were invited to a ceremony where gay friends were celebrating their vows. I just didn't know how to respond.
I still don't fully know how to react, but my response to how gays and lesbians relate to each other isn't the issue. What's at stake is whether it's fair to deny them the same rights as heterosexual couples.
To me, it's not fair. And my opinion has been formed more viscerally and anecdotally than through a breakthrough in legal thinking.
What finally pushed me over the edge was standing at a small family wedding in California last fall when the person officiating asked us to take a moment to remember our own vows. Next to me was a relative who, like me, is in his 50s, and, like me, has been in a committed relationship for some time. Except his commitment is to another man, who was standing beside him.
It felt odd in that moment, knowing they had to basically shuffle their feet. More than odd, it felt unfair. They lived like any married straight couple in their 50s. They worry about their jobs, medical care and elderly family.
I realized then that I had run out of reasons to not stick my neck out in favor of gay marriage.
Again, I don't understand much about gay culture. And I think it is smart for society to slowly weigh the ins-and-outs of this potential shift in marital arrangements. Societies are better off when they take the time to absorb changes, rather than rush into them.
Marriage, after all, has been the province of male-female couples for centuries. No one, including gay activists, should assume that tradition will change without plenty of deliberation.
But Laura Bush has it right: Change is coming. Many seniors and baby boomers may not sign on yet, but most of their children and grandchildren do. Polls even show young evangelicals embracing the concept.
Of course, there are theological issues to consider. Some consider homosexuality a sin. But the New Testament also talks about there being neither Jew nor Greek in God's Kingdom. We are all his creatures.
Likewise, there are legal issues to resolve. Should states or the feds decide this? Same-sex marriages or civil unions? (I'd say states should make the call, because they long have determined marriage laws. And I'd say same-sex marriages because they afford couples more legal rights than civil unions.)
But it would be a shame if the debate got sidetracked by legalities, as important as they are. What matters more is the concept of fairness.
That is what Laura Bush seemed to be getting at in saying loving and committed gay couples deserve the same legal rights as anyone else. It's understandable why society is taking its time, but in the end it should be about being fair.
William McKenzie is a Dallas Morning News editorial columnist.
*******
And ever so slowly, hearts and minds are changing. The realization that "we" are the same as everyone else... only human, is advancing inexorably to the day when we can all live and love openly, happily, and even proudly as the children of God endowed by his greatest gift, Love.
"Fear Eats the Soul"
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments may be moderated and will appear within 12 hours if approved.