Today, I talked with Stephen Christopher Harris for more than 2 1/2 hours this afternoon... He spent much of the time telling me of how he's changing his life for "good." He talked of how he is trying to have a relationship with God. He somewhat acknowledged his wrong doing towards me and others. But more importantly, for part of the call, he seemed to finally hear what I had to say... Moreover, when we talked about what I've posted here in my blog, he said he understood why I'd done it and he "thanked" me... He said it had changed his relationship with people who've discovered it, and that it had been the impetus for the "change" he says he is working for in his life now.
Beyond discussing our mutual failings and human frailty, Stephen shared some disturbing revelations with me that I'm not yet ready to believe... As I pointed out to him repeatedly, everything he says is suspect, because he is a pathological liar. Perhaps his revelations were merely a ploy to garner my sympathy (yet again), but if not, then I am very sad for him. From the morning of October 15, 2006 until the evening of July 12, 2009, I prayed for him no less than five times a day and often more. In the last week or so, I have been praying for him again. One of the things that I pray for is that he might "really" know and hear God. After I revealed this to him, although I now regret it, I shared with him what he already knew, that I still love him.
Although whoever reads this might not understand how... the truth I've shared here over these many months and years was done out of love and not hatred... As I told Stephen today, "a man cannot change if he knows not who he is." Stephen is just such a man, he has told so many lies to so many people that he can't separate truth from fiction even when he wants to.
After talking with him, I was left somewhat numb from the experience... but it was nevertheless a necessary and needed couple of hours. A part of our discussion surrounded Charles Kelly, who in my opinion is another of Stephen's victims. I've followed Charles' blog for more than a year now and he has followed mine for at least that long, including when it was on Yahoo!360. Charles cross-posted "Vanity, Thy Name Is Stephen" on his own blog, although he recently took that post down.
This Saturday, Charles posted a lengthy entry on his blog that he said was inspired by what I've written here (he has since taken it down, too). I talked to Stephen today about some of what I read in Charles' Saturday entry, this is it:
Beyond discussing our mutual failings and human frailty, Stephen shared some disturbing revelations with me that I'm not yet ready to believe... As I pointed out to him repeatedly, everything he says is suspect, because he is a pathological liar. Perhaps his revelations were merely a ploy to garner my sympathy (yet again), but if not, then I am very sad for him. From the morning of October 15, 2006 until the evening of July 12, 2009, I prayed for him no less than five times a day and often more. In the last week or so, I have been praying for him again. One of the things that I pray for is that he might "really" know and hear God. After I revealed this to him, although I now regret it, I shared with him what he already knew, that I still love him.
Although whoever reads this might not understand how... the truth I've shared here over these many months and years was done out of love and not hatred... As I told Stephen today, "a man cannot change if he knows not who he is." Stephen is just such a man, he has told so many lies to so many people that he can't separate truth from fiction even when he wants to.
After talking with him, I was left somewhat numb from the experience... but it was nevertheless a necessary and needed couple of hours. A part of our discussion surrounded Charles Kelly, who in my opinion is another of Stephen's victims. I've followed Charles' blog for more than a year now and he has followed mine for at least that long, including when it was on Yahoo!360. Charles cross-posted "Vanity, Thy Name Is Stephen" on his own blog, although he recently took that post down.
This Saturday, Charles posted a lengthy entry on his blog that he said was inspired by what I've written here (he has since taken it down, too). I talked to Stephen today about some of what I read in Charles' Saturday entry, this is it:
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The Truth will always come to the Light.....
I read Christopher Flournoy's Blog today and again, I was forced to deal with the Truth of Stephen Christopher Harris. As I saw the picture and read the email that he sent to him, I was suddenly aware of the level of deceit and dishonesty that I had lived with for the past year.
I always wondered why I did not want to believe the alienation of affection and the disrespect that was shown during the time we were together. The only thing I can come up with is that I loved him so much and I was willing to accept him for who he was. I have always been told that you cannot change people and that the only thing one can do is accept people for who they are. So here I was trying to accept the man I love for who he was and to let him be himself. Communication and honesty is at the root of all good relationships. I felt that the only way to get to a level of honesty and trust with Stephen was to let him be who he was and that he would see that I loved him for him and not what I wanted him to be.
This note on August 22, 2006 from "Chris Stone" who said he was from Tampa, Florida sort of shocked me and yet it should not have. Why Stephen would be reaching out to anyone when he was in what I thought was a happy relationship with me. It is so interesting that the week before he sent the note to Christopher, we were in Boston together. We spent 4 or 5 days together touring Boston and Maine. I thought we had a great time together. He was on an assignment and he was not going to come home for the weekend; so I decided to spend time with him in Boston.
I remember when I got to Boston; he was lost trying to find his way around the Boston Logan Airport. He was getting more and more frustrated trying to find the Terminal that I had arrived and therefore I was waiting outside for him to pick me up. When he finally found the correct terminal, he was so glad to see me that he got out of the driver’s side, gave me a hug and then he gave me the keys. He wanted me to drive because he had had it. It was always interesting, that when we went anywhere he wanted me to drive. He would sit on the passenger side and either talk on the phone or just hold my hand the whole time.
That trip to Boston was sort of telling because he had fallen into a routine together. He would go to the gym religiously and he would always want to eat some that he shouldn't. We would always have more food than he or I could eat. He was so happy that I was there with him. I remember our trip to Newport, Maine. He wanted to buy me a Lobster Dinner so I would be happy. Lobster is a wonderful delicacy, but I try not to eat too much shell fish because it might raise my cholerestol. He does not eat shell fish because he might break out in hives.
That trip to Boston was so interesting in many ways. He did not want me to leave, but it is hard to spend all ones' time with him. He wants you to hold him all the time and to just lie beside him. He had real issues with separation.
Things never seem to be as good as they use to be because of his tendency to hide behind things. Things like his emotions, his anxiety, his work, his secrets and his demons. After I left for home after that trip he was in a bad funk about a lot of things. What those things were I do not know. He hated his job and he hated the account that he was doing his auditing work. He was working for Datamatics at the time and talking to Welborn Preston on a regular basis as to what needs to be done at the account.
Stephen wanted to leave this project and he hated what he was doing so much that I was afraid he would walk on the project. I have seen him walk out of projects before, sabotage his work, avoid contact with managers and sort of do half ass work. This had become a pattern and if I am correct it is still the pattern today. He sort of gets by because no one calls him on his slack. Or others pick up his slack because they to protect him.
The next week, I was back in Michigan for another week on assignment. I was going to come in on Saturday and spend the weekend with him, but he did not want me to come that weekend because he was having one of his anxiety attacks or something that did not include me. I asked when he wanted to see me and he sort of pushed me to the back of the pack. Finally, I had to make air reservations and schedule my trip to Michigan. I decided to come in on Monday, August 21st. I rented a car and I met him at the public library in Southfield. Once I got there, he wanted to get a private room and talk to me. He said he was better now that I was there, boy could he play with my head.
He was trying to finish up the project in Boston and was having a block as to how to wrap up his findings. He was stressed out at the possibility of getting this project done. He wanted to spend time with me, but he also had to finish the project and I had to drive to Midland; and get ready for my week.
I talked to him the entire time I drove to Midland. I had to hang up because I had to spend some time with my family. After I got settled in, we talked some more until he fell asleep. The next day he got an assignment to go to New York on Wednesday for Hasbro Toys. He was all excited about going to New York and he needed a hotel to stay in close to the offices of the Toy Company. He called Frank who works for the Marriott and he got him in the Courtyard by Marriott in Midtown. We talked a lot on that trip to New York, however it was the strangest conversation I had ever had with Stephen Christopher Harris.
Thursday night, August 24th we talked about a lot of things. He finally told me that he wanted to end his life and that he was done. I was so concern about this that I forced him to talk to me more and more so that I could help him getting through this anxiety and stress. We hung the phone up around 1 am, which is very odd for Stephen because he likes to go to sleep early even though he will wake up in the middle of the night. However, as long as he was holding on to someone he was okay.
I was so concern that he was stressed and sad, that I made it a point to meet him at the airport and show him that he was not alone and that he had me in his life. When I got to the Detroit Airport, I waited until he came to the baggage claim area and I wanted to surprise him that I was there for him. Things seem strange right off the bat. He was on the phone as he always is on the phone and he mention that someone had promised to pick him up at the airport. I was deivasted and was wondering why he needed anyone to pick him up because he made decent money and we had left his car at long term parking before. He was only gone 2 days, so why did he need someone to drop him off, but he explains that Mike Fisher did this on regular basis.
In this case it was not Mike coming to pick him and he did not want to disappoint this person name Eric who I did not know and had never heard him mention before. He said he wanted so new friends and that he had met Eric and they were trying to become friends. That there was nothing going on with them except that he promised him that he would spend some time with him on that Friday. I was very hurt by these developments and wanted him to tell him that I was here now and he did not need him to pick him up. He looked liked he wanted to be with me so bad, and he was so glad to see him, but he left with whoever this Eric person was whom I did not meet.
He said he was going to take him home and he would come to the hotel that we used when I was in Detroit. The Homewood Suites in Troy was our second homes. We would meet their all the time and the people at the hotel knew us by first names. I spent so much money at that hotel and so did he. He was going to let Eric take him home and change clothes and he would meet me at the hotel later. Later became 2:30 am. He finally showed up at the hotel with his gym bag full of clothes and again on his cell phone. When he walked into the room I could not sleep and I was on the computer. He startles me because I did not think he was going to come over. It was so late, and he had not called me to tell me what was wrong. He was talking on the phone when he got into the room and he was arguing with someone.
I had never had an argument with Stephen and I had never heard him argue with anyone. However, it is 2:30 am and he is arguing with someone on the phone about receiving too many phone calls in the middle of the night. I assume it was Michael, but he did not volenteer any information or tell him who he was talking too. He finally got into bed and said he was so glad to be there.
The next morning he said he had somewhere to go early and would see me later in the afternoon. He also said that he sleep well because he was with me and that his anxiety was gone. He left and I proceed to spend my time doing anything to keep myself busy until he got back. He did not call that evening at all and I had no idea what to make of the situation with him. He did not answer his phone and he did not answer the door at the house. His car was there, but he did not acknowledge me at all. Was he home or was he out with someone else. It was so disrespectful that I could not stand. Here is the man you love and he would not answer his phone.
I had every signal I should have needed to know that the man I love was cheating on me and he constantly disrespected me. All of Saturday, August 26th came and went and all of Sunday, August 27th came and went. I went back to Midland a broken man. I was so upset that I did not want to speak to anyone, but my family knew something was wrong. It was hard to not tell them what happen and it was hard to tell myself what happen.
I called him every day and finally he answered the Tuesday, August 29th which was the anaverisary of our meeting each other. I expressed to him that I loved him and that I wanted to see him. That I understood what he was going through and I would be there for him and I would give him the space he needed to get through whatever he was going through. If you love people sometimes you have got to let them go and see if they will come back to you.
The next two weeks was crazy. I do not remember what happen, but Stephen treated me like crap. He would not return phone calls, he would cry with me at times and he would blame me for everything. What he was talking about at times I did not know and eventually he decided that I was not the problem and that he was able to continue with a relationship with me. In short, he kicked me to the curb and then he decided that I was someone he could continue to abuse.
According to Christopher's blog, he was communicating and having dinner with Christopher in late August. I should have known something was up because if memory held true, Stephen's relationships sort of ran about a year and then he was ready for a new Adventure. I always felt that he and Michael had this understanding that they could date outside of their relationship and yes I always thought they had an Open Relationship, but the deal was they could never go pass a year. Or Stephen had him completely fooled and was playing him and many others at the same time.
Nevertheless, when I left Michigan on that business trip, I do not think I saw Stephen. He had disappeared from my view. Things got better, but according to Christopher's blogs, he and Stephen had connected and they were spending time together. I feel like such a fool. I sort of thought it was with this guy name Eric that he was having something with or this older guy name Chris. I thought this because once Stephen had to go back to Detroit to for some reason, a job interview at BCBS and when he got back I needed to used his camera to go to a meeting. When I looked through the pictures in the camera I saw this light complexion older guy, whom I think he said was Chris. Why his picture was in his camera, well Stephen was full of mystery.
So, when September rolled around I was convinced that he was not feeling me anymore and that he was ready to move on. His history stated this and everyone that I had heard of was over in about a year, if they made it that long. I was considered one of the lucky ones. But Carl, Dan, Leon, Ray, and a host of others that I cannot remember lasted less than a year. I did not think too much of this because a Black Male Gay Relationship is very hard to maintain and have. I did not know of but one that has lasted more than a few months.
Posted by Charles Kelly at 4:17 PM
The Truth will always come to the Light.....
I read Christopher Flournoy's Blog today and again, I was forced to deal with the Truth of Stephen Christopher Harris. As I saw the picture and read the email that he sent to him, I was suddenly aware of the level of deceit and dishonesty that I had lived with for the past year.
I always wondered why I did not want to believe the alienation of affection and the disrespect that was shown during the time we were together. The only thing I can come up with is that I loved him so much and I was willing to accept him for who he was. I have always been told that you cannot change people and that the only thing one can do is accept people for who they are. So here I was trying to accept the man I love for who he was and to let him be himself. Communication and honesty is at the root of all good relationships. I felt that the only way to get to a level of honesty and trust with Stephen was to let him be who he was and that he would see that I loved him for him and not what I wanted him to be.
This note on August 22, 2006 from "Chris Stone" who said he was from Tampa, Florida sort of shocked me and yet it should not have. Why Stephen would be reaching out to anyone when he was in what I thought was a happy relationship with me. It is so interesting that the week before he sent the note to Christopher, we were in Boston together. We spent 4 or 5 days together touring Boston and Maine. I thought we had a great time together. He was on an assignment and he was not going to come home for the weekend; so I decided to spend time with him in Boston.
I remember when I got to Boston; he was lost trying to find his way around the Boston Logan Airport. He was getting more and more frustrated trying to find the Terminal that I had arrived and therefore I was waiting outside for him to pick me up. When he finally found the correct terminal, he was so glad to see me that he got out of the driver’s side, gave me a hug and then he gave me the keys. He wanted me to drive because he had had it. It was always interesting, that when we went anywhere he wanted me to drive. He would sit on the passenger side and either talk on the phone or just hold my hand the whole time.
That trip to Boston was sort of telling because he had fallen into a routine together. He would go to the gym religiously and he would always want to eat some that he shouldn't. We would always have more food than he or I could eat. He was so happy that I was there with him. I remember our trip to Newport, Maine. He wanted to buy me a Lobster Dinner so I would be happy. Lobster is a wonderful delicacy, but I try not to eat too much shell fish because it might raise my cholerestol. He does not eat shell fish because he might break out in hives.
That trip to Boston was so interesting in many ways. He did not want me to leave, but it is hard to spend all ones' time with him. He wants you to hold him all the time and to just lie beside him. He had real issues with separation.
Things never seem to be as good as they use to be because of his tendency to hide behind things. Things like his emotions, his anxiety, his work, his secrets and his demons. After I left for home after that trip he was in a bad funk about a lot of things. What those things were I do not know. He hated his job and he hated the account that he was doing his auditing work. He was working for Datamatics at the time and talking to Welborn Preston on a regular basis as to what needs to be done at the account.
Stephen wanted to leave this project and he hated what he was doing so much that I was afraid he would walk on the project. I have seen him walk out of projects before, sabotage his work, avoid contact with managers and sort of do half ass work. This had become a pattern and if I am correct it is still the pattern today. He sort of gets by because no one calls him on his slack. Or others pick up his slack because they to protect him.
The next week, I was back in Michigan for another week on assignment. I was going to come in on Saturday and spend the weekend with him, but he did not want me to come that weekend because he was having one of his anxiety attacks or something that did not include me. I asked when he wanted to see me and he sort of pushed me to the back of the pack. Finally, I had to make air reservations and schedule my trip to Michigan. I decided to come in on Monday, August 21st. I rented a car and I met him at the public library in Southfield. Once I got there, he wanted to get a private room and talk to me. He said he was better now that I was there, boy could he play with my head.
He was trying to finish up the project in Boston and was having a block as to how to wrap up his findings. He was stressed out at the possibility of getting this project done. He wanted to spend time with me, but he also had to finish the project and I had to drive to Midland; and get ready for my week.
I talked to him the entire time I drove to Midland. I had to hang up because I had to spend some time with my family. After I got settled in, we talked some more until he fell asleep. The next day he got an assignment to go to New York on Wednesday for Hasbro Toys. He was all excited about going to New York and he needed a hotel to stay in close to the offices of the Toy Company. He called Frank who works for the Marriott and he got him in the Courtyard by Marriott in Midtown. We talked a lot on that trip to New York, however it was the strangest conversation I had ever had with Stephen Christopher Harris.
Thursday night, August 24th we talked about a lot of things. He finally told me that he wanted to end his life and that he was done. I was so concern about this that I forced him to talk to me more and more so that I could help him getting through this anxiety and stress. We hung the phone up around 1 am, which is very odd for Stephen because he likes to go to sleep early even though he will wake up in the middle of the night. However, as long as he was holding on to someone he was okay.
I was so concern that he was stressed and sad, that I made it a point to meet him at the airport and show him that he was not alone and that he had me in his life. When I got to the Detroit Airport, I waited until he came to the baggage claim area and I wanted to surprise him that I was there for him. Things seem strange right off the bat. He was on the phone as he always is on the phone and he mention that someone had promised to pick him up at the airport. I was deivasted and was wondering why he needed anyone to pick him up because he made decent money and we had left his car at long term parking before. He was only gone 2 days, so why did he need someone to drop him off, but he explains that Mike Fisher did this on regular basis.
In this case it was not Mike coming to pick him and he did not want to disappoint this person name Eric who I did not know and had never heard him mention before. He said he wanted so new friends and that he had met Eric and they were trying to become friends. That there was nothing going on with them except that he promised him that he would spend some time with him on that Friday. I was very hurt by these developments and wanted him to tell him that I was here now and he did not need him to pick him up. He looked liked he wanted to be with me so bad, and he was so glad to see him, but he left with whoever this Eric person was whom I did not meet.
He said he was going to take him home and he would come to the hotel that we used when I was in Detroit. The Homewood Suites in Troy was our second homes. We would meet their all the time and the people at the hotel knew us by first names. I spent so much money at that hotel and so did he. He was going to let Eric take him home and change clothes and he would meet me at the hotel later. Later became 2:30 am. He finally showed up at the hotel with his gym bag full of clothes and again on his cell phone. When he walked into the room I could not sleep and I was on the computer. He startles me because I did not think he was going to come over. It was so late, and he had not called me to tell me what was wrong. He was talking on the phone when he got into the room and he was arguing with someone.
I had never had an argument with Stephen and I had never heard him argue with anyone. However, it is 2:30 am and he is arguing with someone on the phone about receiving too many phone calls in the middle of the night. I assume it was Michael, but he did not volenteer any information or tell him who he was talking too. He finally got into bed and said he was so glad to be there.
The next morning he said he had somewhere to go early and would see me later in the afternoon. He also said that he sleep well because he was with me and that his anxiety was gone. He left and I proceed to spend my time doing anything to keep myself busy until he got back. He did not call that evening at all and I had no idea what to make of the situation with him. He did not answer his phone and he did not answer the door at the house. His car was there, but he did not acknowledge me at all. Was he home or was he out with someone else. It was so disrespectful that I could not stand. Here is the man you love and he would not answer his phone.
I had every signal I should have needed to know that the man I love was cheating on me and he constantly disrespected me. All of Saturday, August 26th came and went and all of Sunday, August 27th came and went. I went back to Midland a broken man. I was so upset that I did not want to speak to anyone, but my family knew something was wrong. It was hard to not tell them what happen and it was hard to tell myself what happen.
I called him every day and finally he answered the Tuesday, August 29th which was the anaverisary of our meeting each other. I expressed to him that I loved him and that I wanted to see him. That I understood what he was going through and I would be there for him and I would give him the space he needed to get through whatever he was going through. If you love people sometimes you have got to let them go and see if they will come back to you.
The next two weeks was crazy. I do not remember what happen, but Stephen treated me like crap. He would not return phone calls, he would cry with me at times and he would blame me for everything. What he was talking about at times I did not know and eventually he decided that I was not the problem and that he was able to continue with a relationship with me. In short, he kicked me to the curb and then he decided that I was someone he could continue to abuse.
According to Christopher's blog, he was communicating and having dinner with Christopher in late August. I should have known something was up because if memory held true, Stephen's relationships sort of ran about a year and then he was ready for a new Adventure. I always felt that he and Michael had this understanding that they could date outside of their relationship and yes I always thought they had an Open Relationship, but the deal was they could never go pass a year. Or Stephen had him completely fooled and was playing him and many others at the same time.
Nevertheless, when I left Michigan on that business trip, I do not think I saw Stephen. He had disappeared from my view. Things got better, but according to Christopher's blogs, he and Stephen had connected and they were spending time together. I feel like such a fool. I sort of thought it was with this guy name Eric that he was having something with or this older guy name Chris. I thought this because once Stephen had to go back to Detroit to for some reason, a job interview at BCBS and when he got back I needed to used his camera to go to a meeting. When I looked through the pictures in the camera I saw this light complexion older guy, whom I think he said was Chris. Why his picture was in his camera, well Stephen was full of mystery.
So, when September rolled around I was convinced that he was not feeling me anymore and that he was ready to move on. His history stated this and everyone that I had heard of was over in about a year, if they made it that long. I was considered one of the lucky ones. But Carl, Dan, Leon, Ray, and a host of others that I cannot remember lasted less than a year. I did not think too much of this because a Black Male Gay Relationship is very hard to maintain and have. I did not know of but one that has lasted more than a few months.
Posted by Charles Kelly at 4:17 PM
*****
And as always... "Fear Eats the Soul"
And as always... "Fear Eats the Soul"
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments may be moderated and will appear within 12 hours if approved.