"The Truth Today..."

Stephen Christopher Harris and "The Lady"

Yesterday at the hospital, while visiting with my family and watching the news, we were watching a report about Chastity Bono becoming Chas. This prompted me to tell my family about my considering getting a sex change... They were quite surprised, but then they began to understand when I explained further.

Firstly, I have no real desire to be anything other than male... I'm not at all gender-confused (suffering from Gender Dysmorphic Disorder), but it was for Stephen that I first got that idea. When Stephen and I began our intimate relationship, in the "afterglow" when we'd just lie in each other's arms and talk, he'd often say to me, "I'm gonna get you a backless and strapless dress for the wedding." He'd often say it jokingly, but he'd say this and more, and so often that I began to think maybe that was what he really wanted.

At first, I was deeply disturbed by his comments, though I didn't let him know it. But as I was already deeply in love with him, I began to consider if it was something I was willing to do. In very short order, I realized it was, not because I had any desire to be a woman, but because I loved him with all my heart and I realized there was nothing I wouldn't do for him, absolutely nothing if it would make him happy.

I began to do some research about sex reassignment surgery since I'd never given it any serious thought before. I even found the local support groups and got the names of therapists who could help me begin the process (yes, I tend to research and plan things). Satisfied that I could live with such a decision, and at the time having the resources to do it, I asked him one morning during the "afterglow" if he wanted me to be a woman for him. I explained that I was willing to have a sex change if that was what he wanted. Stephen didn't say anything at first, then after a long pause, realizing that I was serious, he asked me, "Would you really do that for me?" I told him yes, I would, because I loved him... After another long pause, while he looked deeply into my eyes, he finally said, "That's not what I want, I love you just as you are."

I was relieved that he said he loved me as I was, I didn't want to be anything but me, but because I loved him, I was perfectly willing to be the "me" he wanted me to be. Over breakfast that morning, he asked me what made me think of becoming a woman... I told him it was all because of his comments about putting me in a dress. He said he was sorry, that he didn't really mean it that way, he was just being playful. I accepted that and I told him I didn't really care for when he made those comments. The funny thing is, he kept making those comments and more, especially after our intimate encounters, which always made me wonder what he really wanted.

As I told my family about it yesterday, the shocked look on their faces was almost amusing... I reassured them all that I had no plans to become their sister or aunt and I dismissed my own comments with the truth of the matter... "You never know what you'll do for love."

Yes, I love Stephen Christopher Harris this much.

"Fear Eats the Soul"