And now, the rest of the story…
The airport in Sacramento hadn’t changed much in the eight or nine years since I’d last been there… I remembered and recognized the way to the rental car facility and as I climbed aboard the shuttle, I remembered the time Stephen accidentally sent me a text intended for Alonza Gray. It said, “I’m on the rental car shuttle, see you soon :-)” He was supposedly going to Charlotte to attend a test preparation seminar. He’d lied to me and led me to believe that he was staying in the hotel where the seminar was being held, when in fact, he was staying with Alonza that weekend in the spring of 2007. But even when he tripped himself up in his own lies, I forgave him because I loved him. On the short ride to the rental car facility, I imagined Stephen riding there with me, gathering the luggage and walking to the counter with me, we’d be all smiles and happy thoughts of the future. But no, he wasn’t there.
The Westin in downtown Sacramento is a beautiful hotel, just down the street from the Capitol Building. We would have stayed there, in the honeymoon suite no less. I’d stayed in that hotel the last time I was in Sacramento, and at that time, I knew if I was to ever return, that it would be the hotel we’d stay at. On Sunday, I visited the Westin and as I sat in the lobby I could see in my mind’s eye the two of us in the atrium restaurant enjoying brunch and excitedly talking about the special day to come on Monday. I thought of how later, we’d visit the Capitol grounds and find the place where we would be exchanging our vows the following day.
Stephen never wanted to discuss the details of our getting married. Last year, when he agreed that we’d finally get married in Sacramento, he said, “I’ll leave that up to you.” To my mind I’ve always thought that there is nothing more important than the vows a couple make to one another. As I sat in the hotel that Sunday thinking about this, I knew that were he there with me, we would’ve spent some time tweaking our own. But knowing Stephen wouldn’t do it, last year I sat down to write the vows we’d make on the day of our marriage.
Having had a couple of years to think about what marriage would mean for us and about the vows we should make, I had settled on these which are based upon the traditional Church of England vows… I first got an inkling that the C of E vows would be my starting point way back in the winter of 2006-07. Stephen and I were in bed watching my favorite television program one Sunday morning. I’ve watched the British drama series “Coronation Street” for more than 30 years now, and in that time, I’ve seen many weddings on the show, and that particular Sunday morning, Todd and Sara were getting married. Stephen commented that the vows they were saying were different from what you typically hear in the U.S. and he seemed to like them. I remembered that ever since that Sunday when as I lay in his arms in bed watching Todd and Sara, I dreamed of the day when we’d be exchanging our vows.
Leaving the hotel, I walked through the gardens around the Capitol stopping at all the spots that looked like they’d be interesting to Stephen. I was looking for the spot in which we’d have gotten married. Although he wasn’t there, I imagined all that he’d be saying about what we were seeing. There’s a replica of the Liberty Bell on the Capitol grounds and as I paused in front of it, I remembered when he and I stood in front of the actual bell in Philadelphia. I remembered the fun that we had visiting the sites of old town Philadelphia, especially Betsy Ross’ home. I could hear Stephen’s comedic revisions of the old Sacramento’s history just as he’d joked about what life was probably like in early Philadelphia. Then, just as I thought I wouldn’t find the “perfect spot,” I noticed a beam of sunlight shining through a grove of trees on the northeast corner of the Capitol Park. As it caught my eye, it seemed to be calling out to me…
Arriving on the manicured lawn beneath a beautiful orange tree loaded with fruit and surrounded by long needle pine trees, I knew that I had found the spot that was supposed to be ours. I stood there for a few minutes lamenting the unbearable truth that he wasn’t there. I sat on the grass beneath the trees and closing my eyes, I dreamed of what the following day should have been. In my mind, I could hear us exchanging our vows in front of a couple of willing tourist who’d agree to be our witnesses and in front of the MCC minister that would have solemnized our vows… I could hear and see it all in my mind as I lay in the freshly mowed grass in the bright afternoon sun…
The minister said…
We gather here today to celebrate and dedicate the joy and deep meaning of
the union of Stephen and Christopher in this sacred commitment. The essence of
this covenant is the acceptance of each other as Lover, Companion and Friend. It
is therefore a decision which is not entered into lightly, but rather undertaken
with great consideration and respect for each other and ourselves.
This ceremony can set the tone for your entire life together. It is the visible
symbol of the ongoing wedding process in which the two of you grow in love and
union. It represents the welding of two souls as one. It is also a demonstration
of the bonding which will strengthen and free you to each grow in your own
unique way but yet still together.
And now, would you please join hands and share with each other and these witnesses in the presence of God Our Heavenly Father, your promises and vows to one another.
And even as I imagined this with my eyes closed there on the grass, I felt my lips moving as my heart and soul began to speak these words…
In the presence of God, and these witnesses, I, Christopher Flournoy, take you, Stephen Christopher Harris, to be my lawfully wedded, husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward.
With my body I thee pledge, with my heart I promise you truth and fidelity and every good thing that life can bring to us.
I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow.
I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for time and all eternity.
Then, even as I opened my eyes to the reality that he wasn’t there, I could hear Stephen saying…
In the presence of God, and these witnesses, I, Stephen Christopher Harris, take you, Christopher Flournoy, to be my lawfully wedded, husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward.
With my body I thee pledge, with my heart I promise you truth and fidelity and every good thing that life can bring to us.
I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow.
I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for time and all eternity.
And minister would have said…
May I have your rings please.
Your rings by their very shape are symbols of eternal unity without beginning or end. They are the emblem of the love that exists between you and characterize your devotion to one another. Let them always remind you of the commitments you make today.
Please place your rings upon each other’s hands and repeat after me.
“With this ring, I promise to grow with you to build our love, to speak openly and honestly, to listen to you, and to love and cherish you for all the days ahead. From this day forward you shall not walk alone. My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home. With this ring, I thee wed.”
And we placed our rings upon each other’s hands as we spoke those words in unison.
And then the minister said…
By the act of joining hands and the exchange of rings, you take to yourself the relation of man and husband, husband and man and solemnly promise to love, honor, comfort, and cherish each other from this day for evermore. Therefore, in the name of God, in accordance with the laws of the State of California and by virtue of the authority vested in me thereby, I pronounce you joined in marriage.
You came to me as two single people and you will now leave as a married couple, united to each other by the binding contract you have just entered. Your cares, your worries, your pleasures and your joys, you must share with each other. May you know the best of good fortune and may God bless you both.
Stephen and Christopher, you may kiss your husband.
Ladies & Gentleman, it is my privilege to introduce to you for the first time, the Flournoy-Harris’.
...And with that thought complete, a rude awakening came as a ripe orange fell from the tree stirring me from the dream I had held in my heart since long before I ever knew that his name would be Stephen.
The county clerk’s office opened at 8:30 a.m. Monday morning and I was standing there outside the building. I went in and I found the right counter and I even asked for an application for a marriage license. I looked at it and I imagined what it would have looked like with our names and information there. I read the instructions on the form and I looked it over carefully before leaving it at the counter, it was too late and he wasn’t there. As I walked out of the building, I remembered the first time Stephen and I actually tried to fill-out our marriage license application; it was in December of 2006. At that time, he didn’t get any further than writing his name down…
On this particular Monday in June, more than 2 years later, we (I) didn’t get any further than before… actually not even that far. But before I headed to the airport to return to the "house that’s not a home," I walked over to the spot I’d found on Sunday, and in the grove of trees on the capitol grounds, I said a prayer for us. As I stood under the beauty of the orange tree laden with sweet fragrant fruit, I wondered why God had brought me on this journey, and I thought, “Why is there no truth in Stephen Christopher Harris?”
The airport in Sacramento hadn’t changed much in the eight or nine years since I’d last been there… I remembered and recognized the way to the rental car facility and as I climbed aboard the shuttle, I remembered the time Stephen accidentally sent me a text intended for Alonza Gray. It said, “I’m on the rental car shuttle, see you soon :-)” He was supposedly going to Charlotte to attend a test preparation seminar. He’d lied to me and led me to believe that he was staying in the hotel where the seminar was being held, when in fact, he was staying with Alonza that weekend in the spring of 2007. But even when he tripped himself up in his own lies, I forgave him because I loved him. On the short ride to the rental car facility, I imagined Stephen riding there with me, gathering the luggage and walking to the counter with me, we’d be all smiles and happy thoughts of the future. But no, he wasn’t there.
The Westin in downtown Sacramento is a beautiful hotel, just down the street from the Capitol Building. We would have stayed there, in the honeymoon suite no less. I’d stayed in that hotel the last time I was in Sacramento, and at that time, I knew if I was to ever return, that it would be the hotel we’d stay at. On Sunday, I visited the Westin and as I sat in the lobby I could see in my mind’s eye the two of us in the atrium restaurant enjoying brunch and excitedly talking about the special day to come on Monday. I thought of how later, we’d visit the Capitol grounds and find the place where we would be exchanging our vows the following day.
Stephen never wanted to discuss the details of our getting married. Last year, when he agreed that we’d finally get married in Sacramento, he said, “I’ll leave that up to you.” To my mind I’ve always thought that there is nothing more important than the vows a couple make to one another. As I sat in the hotel that Sunday thinking about this, I knew that were he there with me, we would’ve spent some time tweaking our own. But knowing Stephen wouldn’t do it, last year I sat down to write the vows we’d make on the day of our marriage.
Having had a couple of years to think about what marriage would mean for us and about the vows we should make, I had settled on these which are based upon the traditional Church of England vows… I first got an inkling that the C of E vows would be my starting point way back in the winter of 2006-07. Stephen and I were in bed watching my favorite television program one Sunday morning. I’ve watched the British drama series “Coronation Street” for more than 30 years now, and in that time, I’ve seen many weddings on the show, and that particular Sunday morning, Todd and Sara were getting married. Stephen commented that the vows they were saying were different from what you typically hear in the U.S. and he seemed to like them. I remembered that ever since that Sunday when as I lay in his arms in bed watching Todd and Sara, I dreamed of the day when we’d be exchanging our vows.
Leaving the hotel, I walked through the gardens around the Capitol stopping at all the spots that looked like they’d be interesting to Stephen. I was looking for the spot in which we’d have gotten married. Although he wasn’t there, I imagined all that he’d be saying about what we were seeing. There’s a replica of the Liberty Bell on the Capitol grounds and as I paused in front of it, I remembered when he and I stood in front of the actual bell in Philadelphia. I remembered the fun that we had visiting the sites of old town Philadelphia, especially Betsy Ross’ home. I could hear Stephen’s comedic revisions of the old Sacramento’s history just as he’d joked about what life was probably like in early Philadelphia. Then, just as I thought I wouldn’t find the “perfect spot,” I noticed a beam of sunlight shining through a grove of trees on the northeast corner of the Capitol Park. As it caught my eye, it seemed to be calling out to me…
Arriving on the manicured lawn beneath a beautiful orange tree loaded with fruit and surrounded by long needle pine trees, I knew that I had found the spot that was supposed to be ours. I stood there for a few minutes lamenting the unbearable truth that he wasn’t there. I sat on the grass beneath the trees and closing my eyes, I dreamed of what the following day should have been. In my mind, I could hear us exchanging our vows in front of a couple of willing tourist who’d agree to be our witnesses and in front of the MCC minister that would have solemnized our vows… I could hear and see it all in my mind as I lay in the freshly mowed grass in the bright afternoon sun…
The minister said…
We gather here today to celebrate and dedicate the joy and deep meaning of
the union of Stephen and Christopher in this sacred commitment. The essence of
this covenant is the acceptance of each other as Lover, Companion and Friend. It
is therefore a decision which is not entered into lightly, but rather undertaken
with great consideration and respect for each other and ourselves.
This ceremony can set the tone for your entire life together. It is the visible
symbol of the ongoing wedding process in which the two of you grow in love and
union. It represents the welding of two souls as one. It is also a demonstration
of the bonding which will strengthen and free you to each grow in your own
unique way but yet still together.
And now, would you please join hands and share with each other and these witnesses in the presence of God Our Heavenly Father, your promises and vows to one another.
And even as I imagined this with my eyes closed there on the grass, I felt my lips moving as my heart and soul began to speak these words…
In the presence of God, and these witnesses, I, Christopher Flournoy, take you, Stephen Christopher Harris, to be my lawfully wedded, husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward.
With my body I thee pledge, with my heart I promise you truth and fidelity and every good thing that life can bring to us.
I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow.
I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for time and all eternity.
Then, even as I opened my eyes to the reality that he wasn’t there, I could hear Stephen saying…
In the presence of God, and these witnesses, I, Stephen Christopher Harris, take you, Christopher Flournoy, to be my lawfully wedded, husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward.
With my body I thee pledge, with my heart I promise you truth and fidelity and every good thing that life can bring to us.
I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow.
I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for time and all eternity.
And minister would have said…
May I have your rings please.
Your rings by their very shape are symbols of eternal unity without beginning or end. They are the emblem of the love that exists between you and characterize your devotion to one another. Let them always remind you of the commitments you make today.
Please place your rings upon each other’s hands and repeat after me.
“With this ring, I promise to grow with you to build our love, to speak openly and honestly, to listen to you, and to love and cherish you for all the days ahead. From this day forward you shall not walk alone. My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home. With this ring, I thee wed.”
And we placed our rings upon each other’s hands as we spoke those words in unison.
And then the minister said…
By the act of joining hands and the exchange of rings, you take to yourself the relation of man and husband, husband and man and solemnly promise to love, honor, comfort, and cherish each other from this day for evermore. Therefore, in the name of God, in accordance with the laws of the State of California and by virtue of the authority vested in me thereby, I pronounce you joined in marriage.
You came to me as two single people and you will now leave as a married couple, united to each other by the binding contract you have just entered. Your cares, your worries, your pleasures and your joys, you must share with each other. May you know the best of good fortune and may God bless you both.
Stephen and Christopher, you may kiss your husband.
Ladies & Gentleman, it is my privilege to introduce to you for the first time, the Flournoy-Harris’.
...And with that thought complete, a rude awakening came as a ripe orange fell from the tree stirring me from the dream I had held in my heart since long before I ever knew that his name would be Stephen.
The county clerk’s office opened at 8:30 a.m. Monday morning and I was standing there outside the building. I went in and I found the right counter and I even asked for an application for a marriage license. I looked at it and I imagined what it would have looked like with our names and information there. I read the instructions on the form and I looked it over carefully before leaving it at the counter, it was too late and he wasn’t there. As I walked out of the building, I remembered the first time Stephen and I actually tried to fill-out our marriage license application; it was in December of 2006. At that time, he didn’t get any further than writing his name down…
On this particular Monday in June, more than 2 years later, we (I) didn’t get any further than before… actually not even that far. But before I headed to the airport to return to the "house that’s not a home," I walked over to the spot I’d found on Sunday, and in the grove of trees on the capitol grounds, I said a prayer for us. As I stood under the beauty of the orange tree laden with sweet fragrant fruit, I wondered why God had brought me on this journey, and I thought, “Why is there no truth in Stephen Christopher Harris?”
*****
“Fear Eats the Soul”
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