"I Am Always Remembering..."

The phone on the desk rang, "Hello..." 

"Christopher, I'm here to pick you." (I loved the way he always left off the "up")

"I'm not quite ready, would you like to come up? I'm in room 940."

"Ok"

"I'll see you in a minute then."

Of course, there was nothing innocent in my still getting dressed at the agreed to time. It was a brave ploy to create an opportunity for something more, for what I'd been feeling when we parted the night before.

Just as I fastened the last button of my shirt, the knock I'd been dreaming of in a lifetime of fantasies had finally come to my door. With some fearful hesitation, I turned the knob and opened the door to see him who had brought me such joy from just being with him. His name was Billy and he was tall and trim, with a sun-blest burnt sienna complexion that reminded me of my father. He had the same nervous look on his face that I was sure he was seeing on my own.

"Christopher," he said as I opened the door.

"Billy, won't you come in? Have a seat, make yourself comfortable. I just need to grab my jacket." 

As I motioned for him to come in, he strode across the large room in just a couple of steps and settled into a comfy chair on the other side of the room near the window. I reached into the closet for my sports coat and putting it on, I looked at my watch.

"We've got a little while to wait before our dinner reservation... why don't we sit and talk here for a bit?"

I remember he politely asked me about my conference (which is why I was in Kansas City) and before I knew it I was talking about business and the company I worked for. As he listened to me drone on nervously, he kept flashing an electric smile at me that made me both nervous and excitedly happy. Looking at my watch again, it felt like time was standing still. I was sitting across from him in the other big chair in the suite and it occurred to me that I could offer him a drink from the minibar. 

"Would you care for something to drink?

"I don't drink alcohol."

"I don't really drink either (although there was gin on my breath from the after meeting mixer), how about a ginger ale?"

He smiled and nodded, yes and I opened a can and split it between  two glasses on the ice bucket tray. I walked over and handed him his. He smiled as he took the glass from my visibly trembling hand. And I went back to my chair on the other side of the room and looked at my watch again.

"I guess we can head out to dinner in a minute or two, okay?" 

And then Billy in his heavy but quite sweet sounding African accent said, "Can I kiss you?" 

As I hesitated to answer, he rose from his chair and in just two large strides was standing over me. And as I began to speak, he bent down and pressed his lips to mine while his hands caressed my shoulders and my neck. I remember feeling quite faint as he took a step back and I rose from my chair somewhat dazed but not confused. And then he began to apologize...

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he said.

"Don't be sorry, I'm not sorry... Maybe we should leave for dinner now?"

He reached for my still trembling hands and as he held them in his own, he said, "Thank you for that, Mr. Flournoy."

Over dinner, we talked and talked about everything under Sun... It was almost hard to believe that we found so much to talk about after that first night of talking for hours on end. We talked about where we were both from, about our families and finally, I told him that his kiss earlier was the first time I'd ever been kissed by a man. It was also the first truly romantic kiss of my entire life.

He smiled as he rustled the tablecloth reaching for my hand beneath the table. As he took my hand into his, he looked into my eyes and said, "Mr. Flournoy, I felt your love in that kiss." 

Eventually, we found our way back to my hotel. And as we were saying our goodbyes in the lobby, with one deep but hesitating breath that turned into barely a whisper, I said, "Well, goodnight then... unless you'd like to come up and stay the night with me?" Nothing more was said between us as we awkwardly stood there like two star crossed fools gazing into each other's eyes. Slowly I turned towards the elevators while waiting to see if he would follow. 

I felt his hand on my shoulder and then instantly he was walking beside me. He pushed the up button and we waited  by the elevators for what felt to me like an eternity. Finally, the doors opened and we stepped into the car. Nothing was said in the elevator even though we were alone. When we arrived at my floor and reached the room, my hand shook with fear and excitement as I struggled to insert the key card into the lock. He gently steadied my hand with his own and I stepped through the door and beckoned for him to follow.  

The rest of our story I'll keep for myself... but I have never forgotten the joy, and the passion, and the love on that night of firsts in my life. 

 

His name was Billy and I was in love. 

It was May 17th 2004.

I am always remembering... Always