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| Edit: The flowers I left on Mother's Day 2022 |
It was early in our love affair when I think neither of us really knew what it was that had drawn us together, but it was in those days of wonder and discovery when you learn of why you love someone that he came with me to "meet" the only person I could say I love more than him...
Stephen had heard me speak of my mother often and in fact, it was an online post about taking flowers to my mother's grave that started our first fleeting conversations. But on that sunny May day, now so long ago, when I asked if he wanted to join me on my visit to her final resting place, and he said yes, my heart found a fullness of love that I don't know if I'd ever felt before or since.
As if it were yesterday, I remember him standing beside me as I said a prayer over Mother's grave. And as he helped me place a wreath above her gravestone and our hands touched, I knew then that my visits to Mother's grave would never be the same... that place would thereafter impossibly become just a little more sacred to me.
And as is true for all the places that we spent any time together, whenever I visit the cemetery or even find myself driving by, I am reminded in my mind's eye of that day and of my love for him then and now. In an other-worldly way, that day was like my coming-out to my mother, for although she knew the truth of my heart from the time I was a little boy, we never discussed it. But there at my mother's grave that day, I felt her hopeful blessings and happiness for us from beyond the veil.
When I visit the cemetery today, I know I'll be thinking of that sunny day in May when Stephen was there beside me.
I am always remembering... And my greatest fear is that I may now live long enough to forget.
"Fear Eats the Soul"
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