"Reflections On Married Life..."

Our Family Home

It's been a while since I've shared some thoughts and the goings on in my life as a married man with children...

Ed and I are still raising our boys D'Mitris and Dustin.  Everyday I marvel at how quickly the years have passed and at how quickly they are growing into two fine young men.  D'Mitris (we call him "Meechie" turned eighteen this summer and is a senior in high school. Helping him register for the draft (Selective Service) and opening his first checking account were memorable milestones that I helped him with.  He doesn't drive yet, although he's had his learner's permit since he was 15... his medical challenges have kept him from being confident enough to want to get on the road on his own.  This summer we finally found a solution to his main medical problem at University of Michigan Medical Center in Ann Arbor, so soon he'll probably get his license to drive.

Meechie has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for about 4 years now, and he's convinced that she's "the one." They are both planning to attend Wayne State University here in Detroit with both of them having an interest in a career in federal law enforcement. We had some good news about their plans last week when out of the blue, Wayne State announced that undergraduates residing in the City of Detroit who graduate from any high school in the state will attend tuition-free beginning with the class entering in fall 2020. That's good news since Meechie and his girlfriend seem to be making plans to marry in the next couple of years.

I'd already been making my plans for helping them should they get married while still in college... For the last couple of years or so, I've been busy with one of the last major projects in the restoration of our old house. The basement was originally designed and built to be an occupied space and once had  beautifully finished rooms with plaster walls and ceiling.

Completed Rumpus Room

Unfortunately, the basement suffered the same fate as the rest of the house during the prior owners tenure. Deferred maintenance and failed waterproofing destroyed that floor of the house. I'm about 40% done with the work downstairs and last Christmas, I completed the Rumpus room and the bar room which is now a full kitchenette.  My goal for the basement is to make it a "Married Son's suite" where he and his apparently soon to be wife can live rent free while they finish their schooling.

Dustin is now 14 and he's rapidly growing up too... I've always lovingly called Dustin, "My Little One," but he too is not so little anymore.  He is in the eighth grade this year, so we're agonizing over whether he should stay in the charter school system that he's been in since kindergarten, or switch to another for high school. I have to say that I am happy that Dustin still likes kid things... cartoons, video games and helping Dad around the house. He doesn't have any love interests (at least none that he's let us know about) and unlike his brother Meechie, Dustin is less clear about what his career interests are.

Dustin is surprisingly talented at drawing and art and he also enjoys playing the piano having taken lessons for just under two years now. Attending his first recital this summer on Father's Day was a thrill for both Ed and I.

Marvin, Titus, McKenzie, Kayla and Melissa

My eldest son, Marvin (adopted before I came out) is now 36 years old... (Wow, that really makes me feel old.)  He is happily married to his wife, Melissa for 14 years now with 3 children of his own.  My grandchildren are just such sweet and lovely kids... McKenzie is 11, Kayla is 8 and grandpa's little guy, Titus will be 3 just before Christmas.  Grandpa is sorry to say that he doesn't get to see them often as they live in Utah, but distance never gets in the way of love.

As for Ed and I, we are faithful companions to one another... Although our relationship is not what I had hoped and dreamed it would be, we rely upon each other and find joy in our family life. It seems that he understood what I never did, that my true heart belongs to another and perhaps it always will, but his nature is such that he's not bothered by that. We both know that we love each other in our own way and that's enough. We'll have been married for 9 years this coming April and will have been together for nearly 10 years soon.

Ed is retired since his heart condition was diagnosed and he underwent open heart surgery several years ago.  He stays home and I work to support our family.  I work a lot of hours to provide a good life for us which means I'm usually gone from the time I drop the boys off at school every moring until late in the evening when I can sometimes join Ed and the boys for dinner.  I don't work in death care or sales anymore, for the last two years I've been in operations management, it's interesting work that I do now and the team of 40+ that I lead are fun to work with.  I think  it's likely that I'll be like my parents, I hope to be able to work well into my senior years if my health will cooperate.

Last night when I came home from work, I was pretty tired having walked more than 7 miles at work during the day. After dinner, I knew Ed and the boys were planning to carve the pumpkins for Halloween, but I was just too exhausted to stay up and watch, but thankfully Ed took the photos above.  Today, I'm off work for a well deserved rest and so I can help Ed and the boys pass out the candy this evening. Ed decorated the porch and yard for fall and Halloween so here are some photo's of his handywork.

All in all, I can say that it does get better...

"Fear Eats the Soul"