"The Truth About Who We Are..."

Stephen, Creative Director, Portland, Oregon
by thegaymenproject
photos by Kevin Truong

Stephen, in his own words: "While I do identify as gay as to my sexual preference, my orientation really has no effect in how I conduct my life except in my travels where I may have to be a bit more hidden with my identification.

My challenges: running a business, looking for and keeping a partner, dealing with loss of loved ones, memory issues

My successes: running a business, having been in love, being resilient, being a superlative parent to my dog, and taking care of me.

I came out in 1978 at age 19. My parents were sad and surprised but they did not abandon me or force me to be something I was not. It was a home without religious oppression.

I knew I was homosexual as a 12 year old though I never knew the word for it until a few years later. I read about it but kept it hidden until I was in college as I did not want to embarrass my friends or family in my community where I grew up. I had resolved by age 16 that I was fine who I was although I really had no plan on how I would live my life.

In college prior to speaking to my friends and family, I sought a counselor who said I should probably move to San Francisco because that was where gay people lived. I didn’t follow his advice.

I think today most places are pretty inclusive. Though I have no proof of it, I would assume two men dancing at a mixed club would receive little attention. I really do not go out to gay clubs because noise and crowds are not of any interest to me. I’m happy doing what I do: museums, walks/running, the gym, wine tasting and visiting friends. I’m just not a gay scene kind of guy.

(Advice to my younger self) Invest in Apple. Know Thoreau: All men lead lives of quiet desperation. I would also suggest that when choosing a mate, look for things deeper than beauty. Finally, count to ten before you speak."