Gayguys.com
By: Jerry Plaza
July 28, 2015
Men of a certain age know more than guys in their twenties—that’s a fact. They’ve been there, done it, got the t-shirt, and rarely want to repeat the same mistakes. For young guys still trying to figure it out, dating a man with more wisdom and experience is like finding a unicorn. We all want to find a unicorn.
The most fruitful relationships or flings I’ve had in my life were with men that had a good ten years plus on me. They benefited my life in ways I can’t explain, and vice versa. Age gaps in relationships are super common in the gay community, as they should be. For those men—younger or older—who try to stay within their own range, I say it’s time to open yourselves up a little more.
I know this for a fact because young guys nowadays care more about getting off than they do having an emotional connection. We’ve trained ourselves to be that way—sex is instant gratification. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely some youngens who love connecting but for men of a certain age, sex means a little more than a swipe & type. Plus he has a good couple of decades on you—he knows what’s up.
#2) He knows more about life, which means he can hold a conversation.
This is a given not just because of his age, but because of how vastly different our culture has changed in the last ten years. Before we had smart phones and social media, we had to communicate with each other—face to face. He understands the value of community and can probably tell you stories that put your Disney-centric gossip to shame. Being social was a part of his upbringing. He wasn’t unlucky enough to find his teenager years hidden behind a computer or webcam. He was out living it, and he’ll enlighten you with this knowledge.
#3) He doesn’t waste his time with phonies anymore.
Something happens when you leave your thirties. You realize that time is precious and you’d rather spend with people real people—men and women who aren’t trying to be something they’re not or still desperate for the world’s approval. Being around that kind of energy drains your progress and brings you down, so guys who know better will always surround themselves with stronger and thicker-skinned people. Your network of friends will ripen.
#4) He’s been “fixed” numerous times before you.
He’s probably had a series of long-term relationships before shacking up with you, which is a good thing because it means he recognizes toxic qualities in himself that have inhibited him in the past. He has a good vision now of how to be a better boyfriend because he’s learned the hard way. With every lover, every broken heart, he’s gained new perspectives—a perspective he’ll bring to you.
#5) He knows himself.
He’s gone through a battle of the twenties, lessons of the thirties, and peace and tranquility of the forties. He knows what lies behind the bush because he’s been there, done it. He knows his boundaries and actually pays attention to them rather than ignoring it because he knows the dangers of doing so. This kind of attitude will flourish any relationship while inspiring you to find your own self. He is wise, mature and a better lover.
#6) He’s found his purpose & wants you to, too.
People who know their purpose in life live with meaning. Every breath, every second is meant to fulfill that purpose, and part of that purpose is to bring his lover up to his level. He wants you to find purpose too, and he’ll always be there to lift your spirits when you feel lost—which will be often.
#7) He fights for what’s right rather than what’s popular.
He’s learned that fighting for what’s popular keeps him afloat, but fighting for what’s right lifts his spirits to gain much-needed awareness of what life should be. All of this is a part of maturity—knowing what’s important and fighting for it. He no longer wants to be a follower; he’s a leader, and a leader does what’s right for the greater good and bigger picture. You’re always going to be on the winning team when you’re associated with someone like him.
#8) He doesn’t sweat the small things.
Why should he? He’s learned that the more you dwell on tiny things the more likely it is to explode into something more destructive. He’s seen the aftermath of placing energy where it needn’t be, and chances are he doesn’t ever want to repeat the same mistakes.
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