"The Truth About Who We Are..."

Tyler, Acrobat/Circus Teacher, Vashon Island, Washington by thegaymenproject

photos by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

Tyler, in his own words: "Being gay has meant very different things to me in different stages of life. When I was young it meant deep shame and pain--I thought my attraction to guys was a curse. It meant feeling different. Being gay meant severing my sexuality and desire in ways that later took years of undoing. It meant many years of hiding a very basic human part of me.

Now, after numerous years and a lot of good (and hard) therapy, I can wholeheartedly say that it is a gift (that said, I don't always feel it is easy). Being gay--being different--is an opportunity to expand humankind's imagination of desire and of what love can be and do. This truly is Good news. For me, being gay has been an invitation to take a deep and difficult look into my own life and story, and I feel grateful for that.

My coming out was a slow process. Although I didn't have language or even a context for what being gay was when I was young, I was aware of my difference quite early on. When I was 19 years old I called my immediate family together and told them that I was attracted to men. The home and environment that I grew up in was a very conservative Christian one and so at that time in my life I was very much not okay with the idea of being gay. I told them that I was never going to date a guy and that I wasn't relationally attracted to men, which at the time I entirely believed myself.

After college I began to realize that I really needed to address my sexuality and I began to wonder if sexuality was indeed a gift from God--even for me--as I had been told it was for everyone else growing up.
I began dating men when I was 25, and it wasn't until 28 that I officially came out to myself and to my parents.

I think the biggest challenge and greatest success are one in the same--the process (and ever-ongoing process of) accepting the many and interconnected parts of myself. The work of undoing; taking down the walls of the closet that I built around myself to protect me from a world that could not bless my difference.

I've often wondered about what advice I'd give to my younger self, and whether I'd be receptive to it or not....but I think I would say, "Be kind to yourself, Tydo."