"A Little Sane Advice..."

HOW TO TELL A MAN DOESN’T LOVE HIMSELF ON THE FIRST DATE

Julia Austin

You know the saying, “You need to love yourself before you can love somebody else?” Well, maybe you love yourself just fine. Maybe you’ve done all of your personal work, you’ve gotten over old insecurities, you’ve let go of past relationship luggage, and you even got over your trauma of being called pizza face in middle school. You love yourself, but you are only half of a couple. If you’re going to find a person you can get into a long term relationship with, he is going to need to love himself. And sometimes, it can take a long time to realize a man doesn’t quite love himself yet—in fact, it can take so long that by the time you realize it, you’re already attached, so you just stick it out. But that leaves you in a place of healing wounds you didn’t create, and that’s not fair. So here are signs a man doesn’t love himself that you can look for on a first date.

HIS STATEMENTS ARE QUESTIONS
When he states his opinion on something or tells you something about himself, his voice goes up at the end like it’s a question. He’s almost asking you if what he just said is okay, and he’s willing to take it back at a moment’s notice.

HE SAYS SORRY A LOT
People who say sorry after and before almost every sentence tend not to feel very good about themselves.

HE BACKPEDALS
He’ll say something and then seem to take it all back. He’ll go into over-explaining mode, hoping to negate when he just said.

WHEN YOU SAY WHAT YOU LIKE…
If you even hint at liking adventurous people, he says, “Oh. I love adventure. I’m the most adventurous. I go on adventures all of the time.”

HE WON’T LET THINGS GO
He keeps bringing up that one thing he said two hours ago, just making sure that you understood his meaning.

WHEN HE SPEAKS OF EXES
He says that they were smart to leave him, that he didn’t deserve them, and that he totally gets why they dumped him.

HIS FRIENDS
His friends are kind of mean to him. He is the butt of their jokes, a lot. From his stories, they flake on him a lot and take advantage of him.

HE AVOIDS EYE CONTACT
Avoiding eye contact is often a sign of not feeling good about one’s self.

HE SLOUCHES
Slouching, or keeping his hand’s under him or behind him, can be a sign of insecurity. When people slouch or hide their hands it’s almost as if to say, “I’m sorry that I’m even here. Let me make myself smaller.”

YOU’RE EXTREMELY LATE
And he says, “It’s fine it’s fine it’s fine!” He even offers you explanations that you can use as to why you’re late. He seems embarrassed that anyone would apologize to him.

WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT HIS WORK
He only talks about how he could be doing better, or all of the times he’s screwed up.

WHEN HE ASKS YOU OUT AGAIN
He asks, “Do you want to go out again sometime? Or, no you’re probably busy. You probably have a lot going on.”

HE ASKS TO TOUCH YOU
He puts his hand on your hand but he asks, “Is this okay?”

WHEN HE TALKS ABOUT THINGS THAT WENT WRONG
When he talks about times things went wrong in his life, he gets really angry at himself. He goes over the things he could have done differently over and over again.

HE ASKS FOR A REVIEW
At the end of the date he wants you to review him like this is Yelp. “How’d I do? Did I talk too much? I hope I didn’t come on too strong.”