February 26, 2015
There’s a difference between a type and a preference. I’m in the dating pool right now, so I’m well versed on what it means to have a “type.” I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. For example, I have a thing for gingers. I also like guys who ride skateboards and wear satchels, but that’s neither here nor there. But one thing has troubled me in the last year or so. How much have we managed to stretch the word into a completely new definition? One that makes us not only sound racist, but also completely ignorant.
It’s hard not to see an online dating profile that doesn’t have some kind of prejudice undertone. It used to be things like “Please have a job” or “Please have a car.” Now it’s “Please be white” or “Please be a bottom” or “Please have a big d**k.”
The other day, my friend asked me about my ginger fetish. We sat in a coffee shop while he pointed out various guys to see if I found them attractive. Obviously most of them weren’t redheads, but I still found them attractive. “Would you diss them if they flirted with you?” he asked. I said no. But as our lunch unfolded I discovered something interesting. The only guys he asked me about were white. Why didn’t he ask me about black guys, Asian guys, or Latin men?
In today’s culture, a particular trait is easily compensated for other traits we find attractive, like a sense of humor, an interest in video games, similar fashion styles, etc. But still, race is the one aspect that is almost never compensated for others even if you’re compatible in all other areas. Instead of calling a spade a spade (or a racist generalization a racist generalization), we cloak it with the word “type” or “preference” so we feel better about ourselves, henceforth blinding us to reality.
For someone not to date someone because of the color of their hair sounds stupid, yet each and every day, racial preferences are considered to be a legit aspect of sexual types. Questioning it always results in a person feeling accused as being a racist. Well guess what, it’s not so far off.
None of us are defined by our ethnicity. We’re defined by who we are as a person. By saying “I’ve been there, done that” in regards to dating a different race isn’t a valid excuse. If your ex-boyfriend happens to be black, who the hell are you to say that by dating another black man, you’ll have a similar circumstance? If your ex had an infatuation with cars, would you then not date anyone who also liked cars? If your ex was bald, would you then think all bald guys are the same? Of course not. Why, then, does this logic apply to race?
I get that we all have different ideas of what appeals to our personal taste, but if someone’s skin color alone is the basis behind what makes a man attractive or not, maybe it’s time to reflect on your past life decisions. Preferring one race over another doesn’t make you a racist, per say, but it makes you slightly more ignorant than other guys.
Skin color has been an easy tool for us to judge people. Thanks to ignorant colonial settlers of America, we’ve been told a three hundred-year-old lie that white people are somehow “better suited” than other races. We’ve learned since then that it was all a bunch of bullshit, but the idea is still prevalent in our society and we can’t explain why.
There is a racial superiority complex we have if we think our way of life is better than someone of a different race. For gay guys, it’s easy to link attraction to sexual desire as a whole. If we can’t envision ourselves having sex with them, then they’re no longer attractive. I’ve known plenty of gay men who have sexual “types.” We all have them but are too ashamed to admit it. No one wants people to think they’re close-minded when it comes to judging others, yet, we’re totally okay with them knowing who we enjoy f**king.
It’s easy to link it all back to what gets us “up,” but the root of it lies much deeper than sex. We see it every day, but we never see through it. Why has it become normal to squeeze racism into a “type?” It’s never going to be judged accurately, but rather on stereotypes we’ve managed to collect throughout our lives. Personally, I think a type and racial preference are more similar than they are different. Neither of them deserve to be used as a tool to limit our options when searching for love.
*******
Today, race is a far less accurate predictor of a person's culture and beliefs, so you never know what (or who) you'll find a person to really be by just looking at the color of their skin... It's time to do as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. advised... get to know someone by "the content of their character."
"Fear Eats the Soul"
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