Monday, January 14, 2013

"That Fateful Winter's Day..."

I had lain awake for most of the night... my mind and even my body wracked with pain and anguish even as he held me close in his arms.  I had given all that I had to my love.  I had given everything and everyone.  I had sacrificed it all and held nothing back.  Yet that morning, as I listened to him softly breathe, the most painful day of all, I thought was still a day away... Neither of us knew that morning as the sun rose in the east and crept through the windows, that it would be that winter's day, that fateful day, the day before "The Anniversary That Never Was" that the sun would rise to shine on us together for but one last time.

That morning, I tried to tell him how great the pain was, but he said to me again, "Don't speak... don't think about it..."  And so in silence, I wondered, while trying not to, "How many times can a heart that loves someone hear that...?"  Later that fateful day, we both finally knew the answer.  He could see it in my eyes, but he mistook the pain he saw there for anger... "Are you going to kill me now?" he asked over and over, knowing he deserved no less.  But the heart that loved him... it still loved, and the soul that dreamed of love's promises still dreamed, and it was that, and that alone that stayed the angry wounded hand.

But with the new lies he told that day and thereafter, something did die on the eve of "The Anniversary That Never Was..." And it was on that day that a part of my soul and a part of my heart died and fell into darkness... And even now, and I fear forever more, those places are filled with the painful darkness of always remembering.

"I am always remembering..."

"Fear Eats the Soul"

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