Monday, October 20, 2014

"Gay PDA Is Okay!"

"Love Is The Most Important Lesson Of Life... Live Fearlessly "

"Same Gender Loving People - No. 1821"

"Let Love Make You Happy..."

Positive images of people like me... The truth of the matter is that we all need to see people like ourselves. So everyday, I'll post a photo, drawing or some other artwork that depicts Same Gender Loving People as what we are... Only Human.

"The Truth About Gay Sex..."

How To Be Better At Bottoming

October 15, 2014

The last post was dedicated to becoming better at topping, you can read it here just in case you missed it. But with that out of the way, sex still remains a two way street, so here’s part two on to become better at bottoming.

Have you ever looked at gay porn and thought, “How can they make bottoming look so easy?” A hung top sticks it in like a glute inject and the bottom doesn’t even flinch. Bottoming isn’t just about the physical sensation of being penetrated, it’s the emotional high of accepting someone else’s presence in your body. It’s the psychological thrill of being momentarily “owned,” of submitting yourself to the strength of another man.

This is the single biggest emotional stumbling block gay men have about bottoming—being labeled less than a man. For many of us, bottoming isn’t an opportunity to enjoy a pleasurable sexual experience but an act that threatens our sense of masculinity and the respect that goes with it. Many gay men believe that if they bottom they will become “a bottom.” They fear that bottoming will create a new unwanted identity for them. It just may be that you haven’t been able to bottom (or been able to enjoy it) because you have so many emotional issues around the act. If you can get away from the falsehood of bottoming as an identity and see it for what it is—an erotic activity—the more relaxed and receptive you will be.

We label men “tops” or “bottoms” in part because we’re living out antiquity’s fear of the feminine. In heterosexual thinking, the penetrator (man) is more valuable than the penetrated (women). We’ve adapted that consciousness in our own community, where the penetrator (top) is more valuable than the penetrated (bottom). Clearly, labels like “top” and “bottom” can be useful shorthand for sexual likes and dislikes. But instead of stating what we prefer— “I like to bottom”— we turned that preference into an identity —“I’m a bottom.”

Masculinity isn’t about what you put into your body.
It’s about what you put out in the world.

“Anticipatory pain” is a psychological term for the expectation of pain. It speaks to the emotional and physical consequences of this expectation. This expectation of pain contributes greatly to your inability to relax. With the right conditioning your anal muscles can relax enough to easily accommodate a penis without any pain. The two words you’ve probably heard from partners who tried to top you.. “Relax! Relax!”

Deep, slow breathing operates on a feedback loop: Relaxation causes deep, slow breaths which causes more relaxation which causes more deep, slow breaths. You can get muscles to relax more by first increasing the tension. When you release the tension there’s a more dramatic experience of relaxation.

Getting Clean

Improve your diet, specifically incorporate more fiber and drink enough water. By “bulking up” waste matter and shaping it for easier transit, fiber ensures that feces leave the rectum and anal canal virtually intact. Examples of soluble fiber include bananas, apples, brown rice and white beans.

Enemas are harmful. Pushing water or a mixture of water and chemicals up your bum creates a powerful peristalsis (accompanied by bloating and cramping) that “evacuates” everything in your lower intestinal tract. Douching could have some serious negative effects as well. Firstly, frequent douching (even if it’s just plain water) may compromise the natural protective fluids and lining in your anus. An intact mucus layer protects your rectal tissues from abrasions, tears or cuts that could endanger your health. Here is the best way to get clean – using an ear syringe.

Ear syringes hold about one ounce of water—enough to get the job done but far too little to remove rectal mucus or cause peristalsis and its consequent “douche dependency.” Here’s how to use it:

1. Fill the ear syringe with warm water.
2. Apply lubrication to the tip (always use a soft-tipped syringe).
3. Insert into your anus gently.
4. Squirt gently.
5. Retain for a moment. Release.
6. Repeat until clean

Getting Into It

After you or your partner has safely put on a latex condom, the best position for first timers is squatting over your partner which straightens out the S curve better than any single position. Squatting loosens the puborectal sling, allowing the rectum to straighten out so that it comes close to being vertical. With entry in other positions, you—not your partner—must guide your partner’s penis in so that it slides along the rectal wall rather than poke at it. Only you intuitively know what path the penis should take. All things being even the best angle of entry is about 15 degrees away from your navel. Remember to use lots of lube, way more than you probably are using now, add lube every five minutes or so to your partner’s penis as well as your anus. Try having your partner use a circular rather than a thrusting motion. Some guys initially don’t like the straight in-and-out business (it can happen if you partner’s penis is unusually stiff, straight or longer than average).

Experiment with different positions. If missionary isn’t working, try resting one leg over his shoulder and the other one on the bed. Or try laying on your side, facing away from your partner as if you were spooning. Because it’s a common sleeping position, it helps the body relax faster and deeper. Don’t be afraid to try things that seem a little odd. If it feels good it’s because your S curve straightened out and your partner’s penis stimulates the prostate in a more effective way.

Stop when it feels uncomfortable or if you need a break. This is your maiden flight. Do not push yourself, pace yourself.

Final tips
  • Don’t worry if you lose your erection or only get a partial one. While it may be a reflection of your emotional discomfort, it’s just as often the case that your erotic attention shifted away from your
  • penis to your anus.
  • Try to avoid doggie style at first. This position allows the maximum insertion of the penis into the rectum, which may be uncomfortable the first few times you bottom.
  • ALWAYS be safe. Use a latex condom and get tested regularly.


I debated whether or not to repost this article, but in the end, I realized that I thought a lot of the advice offered was very good.

With that being said, I thought I'd share some of my own advice/experiences. I'm sure most readers of this blog realize that I believe in love, so in my mind, love and sex are inextricably linked... In my world, you can't have one without the other (I know that's not what a lot of men think). Also, I think monogamy in a loving committed relationship gives one the best chance of sexual and emotional happiness.

On the issue of cleanliness, I was most encouraged by the author's advice to avoid douching and enemas. From what I've read, aggressive douching and enemas can be harmful for just the reasons the author points out. In my experience, a diet with moderate amounts of fiber (which prevents loose stools) is about all you need to do.  I've never encountered a cleanliness problem without ever engaging in internal cleaning. The fact of the matter is the anus is a self cleaning organ. The anus is ordinarily free of fecal matter, it is only when one fills the need for a bowel movement and then shortly thereafter that there will be any trace of feces present. As a general rule, I'd add the tip of avoiding sex for 1-2 hours following a bowel movement, and of course after a heavy or high fat meal.

As far as using artificial lubricants are concerned, I think they are okay but are often unnecessary, I never use them for lovemaking (I know, you're going whoa, what'd he just say!")  When intercourse is the culmination of lovemaking and is preceded by lots of foreplay and enough time to build your arousal and thus your body's natural response, in my own personal experience, your own body will produce more than enough natural lubrication in the form of pre-coital fluid (pre-cum). And like artificial water-based lubricants, your own lubricant gets slicker when it encounters the natural moisture found in the anal canal.  So with that said, to answer the question in your mind, "Does he use condoms?"  No, I don't... Using your own lubrication in most cases precludes the ability to also use a condom (which absolutely should be used with lots of lubrication).

My decision to not use condoms was not one I made lightly... I realized early on the risks of sexually transmitted diseases including HIV that are inherent in all barrier free sex acts.  But I've always minimized my risks by avoiding casual sex acts; testing and knowing my status and that of my partners; and by limiting my sexual encounters to my mutually monogamous partner, which in my case is now my husband.

I know my own beliefs about love and sex are not shared by all, so I do encourage the use of condoms for sex if you and your partner(s) are not in a status-known, mutually agreed, long-term, monogamous relationship.  Sex without condoms is a risky act whether you're gay or not and that's why I think love is so essential... If you really love someone, it's very hard to intentionally put them at risk... So it goes without saying, the ability to have frank, honest and open discussions about sex with your partner is essential to protecting yourself and the one you love and to have a fulfilling and enriching sex life.

So there it is...

"Fear Eats the Soul"

"The Truth About Who We Are..."

photo by Kevin TruongGiancarlo, Historian, Lima, Peru

by thegaymenproject
photos by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photos by Kevin Truong
Giancarlo, in his own words: "Ser gay para mí es buscar lo que realmente me hace feliz. En Lima creo es un desafío constante, sabes que te vas a enfrentar con grandes retos, pero hasta hoy creo que es la mejor decisión que he tomado. Tienes que entender que amar a una persona no depende de su género, ni es una elección. Lo único que puedes elegir actualmente, es la forma como lo vives, en mi caso, decidí no esconderme porque siempre he buscado ser honesto conmigo mismo.
No puedo negar que el camino es difícil, tuve la suerte de encontrar personas que me quieren por como soy, pero reconozco que algunas personas antes de conocerme juzgaron mi forma de vivir mi homosexualidad. A pesar de eso debo valorar a las que se quedaron y me conocieron, que vieron más allá de la diferencia, reconociendo que era un amigos más. Por esto, creo que una de las labores que hacemos los chicos abiertamente homosexuales hoy, es que los demás entiendan que no somos extraños o enfermos, que no somos menos que ellos.
Sabemos que todo está cambiando, la gente habla de la homosexualidad, así sea en contra porque esto hace que la gente no tenga miedo a decir existen personas gay. También es notable que el activismo en Lima ha crecido, se nota que hay un esfuerzo por visualizar nuestros problemas y buscar soluciones. Aunque aún no tenemos todos nuestros derechos podemos decir que se discute los derechos gay, cosa que diez años atrás se veía como un imposible.
Salir del closet es un acto de madurez y de valentía, sobre todo con tus familiares por las expectativas que tienen de ti. Cuando tome conciencia de mi homosexualidad, rápidamente supe que para lo único que quería mi closet era para mi ropa. Poco a poco fui abriéndome con mis amigos; la experiencia fue liberadora, a pesar de las dudas y el miedo. Contarle a mi mamá fue una experiencia muy fuerte, en un primer momento no lo tomó tan bien, pero después entendió que soy feliz así y a pesar de no entenderlo, me respeta.
Viendo en retrospectiva sigo pensando que ha sido una de las mejores decisiones que he tomado. Sé que hay muchas personas que tienen temor, pero lo que puedo decir, a pesar de todas las dificultades que supone, lo vale. Sé que puede sonar muy cliché decir que todo mejora, es mas podría decir que a veces parece todo lo contrario. Lo que puedo decir es que mejora cuando entiendes que el error esta en las demás personas por juzgarte y que si no pueden vivir con ello, pues es su problema no el tuyo."
In English:
"Being gay for me means finding what really makes me happy. In Lima I think it is a constant challenge, you know you're going to face major challenges, but so far I think it is the best decision I ever made. You have to understand that loving a person does not depend on gender, nor is it a choice. All you can choose now, is the way to live, in my case, I decided not to hide because I always wanted to be honest with myself.
I can not deny that the road is hard, I was lucky to find people who want me as I am, but I recognize that some people judged me before meeting because of my way of living and homosexuality. Despite that I value those who stayed and who saw beyond the difference, recognizing that I was a friend. Therefore, I believe that one of the tasks we do today is to live openly as gay guys to show to others that we are not strangers or ill, that we are no less than them.
We know that everything is changing, people speak of homosexuality, and it makes it so people are not afraid to say there are gay people. It is also notable that activism has grown in Lima, and that there is an effort to display our problems and seek solutions. Although we still do not have all our rights we can say that we have gay rights that ten years ago were seen as impossible.
Coming out is an act of maturity and courage, especially with your family by the expectations that they have of you. When they were aware of my homosexuality, I quickly learned that all I wanted in my closet was my clothes. Little by little I was coming out with my friends; the experience was liberating, despite the doubts and fear. Telling my mom was a very powerful experience, at first she did not take it so well, but then realized that I am happy and despite not understanding, respects me.
Looking back I still think it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I know there are many people who are afraid, but I can say, despite all the difficulties, it is worth it. I know that may sound very cliché to say that every improvement is more I could say that sometimes seems quite the opposite. What I can say is that it improves when you understand that the error is in other people judgements and if they can not live with it, it is their problem not yours."


"El miedo come el alma"
(Fear Eats the Soul)

"The Truth About HIV/AIDS..."

"Fear Eats the Soul"

"The Truth About Love..."

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

"Wild Geese"
Mary Oliver

"We Were Always There..."

"He didn't want to take this photo, but he did it to make me happy, he loved me..."

"The Views To Love..."

There are many ways and places to kiss, they all say, 'I love you.'

"A Thought To Ponder..."

"Fear Eats the Soul"

"The Artist's Corner..."

Steve Walker

Sunday, October 19, 2014

"Gay PDA Is Okay!"

"Love Is The Ultimate Freedom... Live Fearlessly "

"The Truth About Love..."

"If two people are in love they can sleep on the blade of a knife."

Edward Hoagland

"Thoughts To Ponder..."

"Fear Eats the Soul"

"Same Gender Loving People - No. 1820"

"Only Love Can Make You This Happy..."

Positive images of people like me... The truth of the matter is that we all need to see people like ourselves. So everyday, I'll post a photo, drawing or some other artwork that depicts Same Gender Loving People as what we are... Only Human.

"The Truth Of Love In Song..."

Love is hard to do, if it wasn't we'd all have it...

"Fear Eats the Soul"

"Love And Life's Journeys..."

From the work of Chicago born photographer Richard Renaldi. Over the course of more than a decade, Richard has recorded images of himself and his partner Seth Boyd in their hotel rooms across the country and around the world for his project "Hotel Room Portraits."

I fell in love with these images from the very first time that I saw them.  There is something incredibly familiar and comforting in recognizing not only the love between Richard and Seth, but also the rigors of travel and the occasional weary eyes and tiredness that we all fall prey to.  Moreover, these photos reveal an intimacy and comfortableness that one finds only when two people are truly in love... They reveal "love and life's journeys."

Richard RenaldiRichard Renaldi was born in Chicago in 1968. He received his BFA in photography from New York University in 1990. Exhibitions of his photographs have been mounted in galleries and museums throughout the United States, Asia, and Europe. In 2006 Renaldi's first monograph, Figure and Ground, was published by the Aperture Foundation. His second monograph, Fall River Boys, was released in 2009. Richard Renaldi is the founder and publisher of Charles Lane Press.

"A Little Sane Advice..."


Too much time, we hear how the guy always gets the girl in the movie… book…video game… And what a subconscious message that is… that you will be happy once you have her… disregarding the fact that there are many of us who want to be happy with a man… not a woman.

It’s one of the many ways we’re told to embrace their ways… but I’m here to tell you… Love your homosexuality!  Love other men… it’s ok!  :-)

So many guys out there feel ashamed to look at another man… let their dicks get hard for other men… feel ok in their own homosexual skin.  I promise you… it’s beautiful… all of it!

The way a man’s scruff feels as you kiss him… how he presses his cock to yours and you both grind… the smell, the taste, the feel of another man naked and in your arms.  It’s beautiful.

It’s good to love men.  It’s good to love cock.  We don’t need to be ashamed for how we feel.  It’s natural to have our dicks respond the way they do to men.

Being gay has such depth and meaning.  The ability to “be a man” and be all tough when you need to be… but then let loose and let another man see you that way… is beyond words.  You can go out together and people assume you’re buddies… and when you’re ready… you can go home and shed those clothes just to be who you really are with your man.

Embrace your gayness.  Know that your homosexuality is not only beautiful but so fulfilling.  Being able to share your life with another man in ALL ways… you WILL have it.  The bond that men share really does go beyond words.

So love your homosexuality… Love your gayness… know that how you feel is special and really should be embraced.



Advice from the author of 

"We Were Always There..."

"The war was over and the world had changed, we weren't afraid of love anymore..."

"The Views To Love..."

Sundays are the best day of the week...

"The Artist's Corner..."

"Prince of Tides"
Acrylic on canvas
Steve Walker


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