Smile, It's Halloween!
Friday, October 31, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Apple CEO Tim Cook came out as gay in a powerful essay for Bloomberg Businessweek.
In the essay, published Thursday, Cook said that he has never denied being gay, but has not publicly discussed his sexuality until now: "So let me be clear: I’m proud to be gay, and I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me."
He described how his sexuality has given him an acute social perspective.
"Being gay has given me a deeper understanding of what it means to be in the minority and provided a window into the challenges that people in other minority groups deal with every day. It’s made me more empathetic, which has led to a richer life. It’s been tough and uncomfortable at times, but it has given me the confidence to be myself, to follow my own path, and to rise above adversity and bigotry. It’s also given me the skin of a rhinoceros, which comes in handy when you’re the CEO of Apple."The revelation comes just days after Cook advocated on behalf of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights in his home state of Alabama.
"[Alabama is] still too slow on equality for the LGBT community," he said, per the Associated Press, while calling for laws protecting people based on sexual orientation and gender identity. "Under the law, citizens of Alabama can still be fired based on their sexual orientation. We can't change the past, but we can learn from it and we can create a different future."
Cook's sexuality has been a point of speculation for quite some time. Gawker reported that Cook was gay back in 2011 before he succeeded Steve Jobs.
Since then, Cook himself has seemingly dropped hints about his sexuality. Last year, during a speech about human rights at Auburn University Cook discussed the discrimination he faced as a young person, according to ValleyWag.
"Since these early days, I have seen and have experienced many types of discrimination and all of them were rooted in the fear of people that were different than the majority," he said.
However, since the 53-year-old had not publicly come out, the question still remained. In May, the New York Times ran a story titled "Where Are The Gay Chief Executives?" and had to subsequently clarify their definition of "openly gay." CNBC's Simon Hobbs made headlines for mistakenly saying Cook was "fairly open" about being gay during a live segment back in June.
Head over to Businessweek to read Cook's full essay.
"Fear Eats the Soul"
"This Is What Love Looks Like..."
Positive images of people like me... The truth of the matter is that we all need to see people like ourselves. So everyday, I'll post a photo, drawing or some other artwork that depicts Same Gender Loving People as what we are... Only Human.
Nick "Living Dead" Delmacy
December 2, 2012
Let’s face it, modern masculine gay men of color have been programmed to think that the only way to meet other Gay men for dating is online on sex hookup sites. There are many masculine men (like the founders of Discreet City) that don’t even visit those sites, so many guys are missing out on quality potential mates.
The number one question Discreet City gets in emails is, “How do I meet other masculine Gay men?” Well here’s your ultimate guide. Discreet City’s Nick Delmacy joins GuyTrap.com founder Stingwood to share the top 12 ways to get those precious 7-digits from the man in your sights…whether you know if he’s Straight or Gay.
Obviously it helps to approach a guy for potential dating if you already know that he’s Gay. And if you’re like me, you prefer to meet a guy at least as masculine as yourself. We get so many emails from young readers asking “How can you tell that a masculine man is Gay?” The easiest answer: Ask Him. I’m serious.
You may not want to be that direct, but there are still many indirect questions that can be inserted into normal conversation that will let you know if a man is Gay/Bisexual. One “straight” friend that I was interested in mistakenly slipped up and said “X-Tube” instead of “YouTube.” Whether he slipped up on purpose to give me a hint or not, it was all I needed to begin putting the moves on him without fear that he was actually heterosexual. Before that moment, we both assumed that the other was straight. Key things to remember though: Don’t bank all of your dating prospects into seemingly heterosexual men and don’t waste a lot of time playing the “is he or isn’t he Gay” guessing games.
When it all comes down to it, you may meet men that you hope are Gay but aren’t. They may convince you that they’re straight or maybe they eventually see your clues and tell you that they’re just not into you (in that way). This is fine, at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with having more friends, even sexy straight ones.
Have you ever seen a super-hot guy wander off with someone you wouldn’t give the time of day? That’s because the art of seduction has a lot more to do with social skills than with naked physical attraction. It’s not 30 pounds you need to lose to pick up more men—it’s your inner fears.
The mistake that many of us make is prejudging potential objects of affection on what we THINK they’re attracted to before we’ve even said one word to them. You see a muscular guy and just assume that he ONLY likes other muscular men. This could be far from the case; you could be the just type he’s looking for. Also, remember this: No matter how fine a guy is, he’s still got some insecurity of his own. Sexy men can be shy too.
Confidence goes a long way. I’ve even been a victim of it in the past to guys I wasn’t superficially attracted to but had the courage to approach. Dope personality, style, swag, demeanor, intellect, etc can get me to give up the digits just as fast a sexy body or a cute face. Careful not to become TOO confident, though. No matter how attractive or unattractive a guy is, being the “groper” in a party/club just comes of sleazy.
I’ve mentioned this before but it’s worth repeating: Let go of the antiquated Gender Roles! If you’re a Bottom that doesn’t want to be considered a woman, then stop wanting to be treated like one from an old 1950’s movie. I get it, you’re submissive…but that doesn’t mean you can’t at least make the initial contact to get the ball rolling.
Tops, just like many heterosexual men, can be shy and/or wallflowers as well. Sometimes they need help breaking the ice. My grandmother always used to say: A closed mouth doesn’t get fed. If you don’t even try to go after what you want, you can’t complain when it doesn’t come to you.
It’s a Numbers Game. Think of rejection as a good thing. Its practice for the next man you talk to at the party. Approaching only one guy at a party or club is pretty much a wasted evening if your goal is to meet men…especially if he rejects you. And yes, you must get out of the house and go to a party or club where there is a likely chance gay men will be. You can’t be a hermit locked away in your house and complain about how hard it is to meet men.
One thing that helped me in the early days was saying this to myself, “I’m not leaving here until I get at least 3-5 phone numbers.” That didn’t necessarily mean that I was looking for sex with all of them, it was just simple conversation that eventually led to me asking for their phone number.
To get started in the pick-up game, you need to go where gay men are and learn to approach them. And not just one or two guys, but many guys. If you can’t strike up a conversation, you don’t have a chance to pick-up and eventually seduce someone you’re attracted to.
Right and one last thing, don’t worry about guys you’ve already talked to seeing you. If they’re adults, they know what the deal is…If anything it can make you look more popular, attractive and desirable.
Nothing conveys indecision and nervousness like hesitation. Indecision and nervousness are not attractive traits. So practice the three-second rule: train yourself to approach your target within three seconds of seeing him.
The three-second rule is so essential. How many times have you seen someone you found attractive at a party but internally talked yourself out of approaching him. Or worse, you just keep glancing at him the whole evening, trying to build up the confidence to approach not knowing that he’s already noticed you looking and now you’re just coming off as a creepy stalker. Whenever you move around the party to a place he’s standing it looks like you’re following him. CREEPY!
So in the future, if three seconds go by before you make an attempt to approach him, let him go…move on to the next. Also, don’t get caught up on him being the best looking guy at the party thus being the only one worth approaching. In the chance that he rejects you, it’ll ruin the rest of your night. No man is THAT good looking. Whenever you think you’ve seen the best looking man in the world, hop onto a male admiration Tumblr blog…You’ll see that there are PLENTY more sexy men out there of all ages, shapes and sizes.
An approach is an excuse – any excuse – to start a conversation with someone: “How do I get to Hyatt Hotel?” “There’s some lint on your collar.” “I noticed something about you…” The easiest of all approaches is simply to smile and say “hi.” Forget pick up lines like “I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.”— they’re phony, convey too much sexual interest, and leave you no place to take the conversation.
If you’re unsure what to say to begin a conversation, just remember this: saying ANYTHING is better than saying NOTHING. I’ve met masculine men in many places by just striking up random conversations. I’ve met Masculine Gay guys in the gym just by just asking what goal were they working on, gaining muscle or losing weight. I even met a guy at a gas station by just saying the four magic words, “Yo…You look familiar.” If you’re at a bar/club, my go-to approach is to ask say, “Yo, what kind of drink is that, it looks good…” If I’m he’s receptive by giving me his number (and I’m feeling generous), I might throw a bonus in and buy him a new drink at the end of our conversation.
But if you go generic and use any of the above statements, try to still be interesting. If he has tons of tattoos, don’t just say, “I like your tattoos” and leave it at that. Plus I’m sure he’s heard that MANY times before. Get him involved by asking him what tattoo would look good on you. That way it becomes a conversation instead of an obvious attempt to hit on him.
Once you’ve exchanged a few words develop openers or standard conversational ploys that will attract your target. Try something startling: “That wasn’t your car on fire in the parking lot, was it?” “Did you see those two guys fighting outside?” Or get an opinion: “Hey, can I ask you a question? What’s the best way to get revenge on an ex? This guy I know…” Develop your opener into a little routine by adding vivid details. Get your target involved and keep him engaged until he gives signs of starting to relax. Sometimes it helps to give the opener a time constraint so that he thinks you’ll shortly be on your way (“I’ve got to go find my friend, but…).
Yeah, it’s all about conversation skills. It’s like a good job interview…showing up is just half the battle. Admittedly it helps if it’s a place where you’ll see the guy again, that way you can plant what I call “Conversation Seeds.” These are short nuggets of dialogue that gets the guy comfortable with over time (days/weeks) so that it won’t be awkward when you ask for his number.
For God’s sake, whatever you do, DON’T ask for his Facebook, Twitter or Instagram handle. Especially at the end of the first conversation. No matter how much you want to keep in contact with him, this comes off as “stalkerish.” Do like most people and get as much information as possible so that you can Google Search him when you get home. Stalk in Private (just kidding, just kidding).
Keep him off balance when he suspects you’re trying to pick him up. This allows time for his attraction to develop. Keep talking in a friendly way while pretending you’re not really that interested sexually.
Keep it casual and don’t come off desperate or “thirsty.” Ultimately you want him to think, “This is a guy that I want to get to know more of…”
However also remember that every connection doesn’t have to be a “Love Connection.” If you have a good conversation yet no contact information is exchanged, chalk it up to experience/practice and move on to the next guy. Meeting guys that you don’t click with can still help you in the long run. They may play matchmaker in the future and introduce you to one of their friends that’s perfect for you.
The lower your expectations, then the lower your disappointment will be. If you have that attitude, it usually has the opposite effect when meeting men. They become more interested in you, the less you seem interested in them. This can backfire if you seem too disinterested though. Checking text messages or glancing around the room for your next target DURING your conversation with him is body language that says you’re bored.
When you meet a guy, don’t stop talking- just stop talking aimlessly. Learn to be funny and entertaining and cast yourself in a positive light in the stories you tell. Tell him how great your new gym routine is making you feel.
Talk about ex-boyfriends or hang a “friend” around your shoulder to demonstrate that others think you’re attractive. In other words, give him enough ammunition to justify an attraction towards you. Once an attraction develops, you’ll see the signals in his eyes and body language.
Again, meeting a guy is like that first Job Interview. The best interviews I’ve ever been on were conversational and free flowing. I also sold myself very well and was sure to compliment the person/company I was being interviewed by. The same applies to this first conversation. Just relax, be yourself and keep your expectations in check.
Without touching there is no sex. To get the ball rolling, touch early and often. Make sure your touches are sensual and motivating, not crude sexual pawing. Examine his cool wristwatch. Flatten his mussed-up collar. Slap away his too-familiar fingers. Read his palm. Test his kiss-ability quotient. Your fleeting touches will leave him begging for more.
Touching is okay as long as you do it with a purpose. Groping is not what we’re talking about. Copping cheap feels is not a good idea (unless you know that he’s down for it). Something as simple as holding his hand a little longer than normal on that first and last handshake/dap can be enough to tell him that you’re interested. A gentle hand on his shoulder or back while leaning in to his ear can often give off the non-verbal communication needed to get the digits.
It amazes me how many guys go to Gay parties and clubs hoping to meet guys but they STAY attached to their friends at the hip ALL NIGHT LONG! For starters, staying THAT close to their “best friend” makes it look like they actually came with their boyfriend. So they scare off potential mates. Secondly, most guys don’t like to pick up men if they’re surrounded by their friends. Even straight men generally don’t like to do this. Remember, the goal is to get him to focus on YOU.
You can accelerate this process by leading him to a neutral location away from his friends. Continue developing rapport and sexual interest. Invite him to a quiet corner of the bar, outside for a breath of air or to a nearby pizza place.
Some men, especially attractive masculine men, feel odd when they’re in the middle of a club/party/event and after you talk you pull out your cell phone to get his number. Not only is this somewhat emasculating, it also advertises to all those around that you got the digits. This may be off-putting and make him hesitant to share contact information, especially if he has a lot of admirers. He may want to keep up the appearance that he NEVER gives up the number to ANYONE.
What’s worked for me in the past is to lean in and ask the man to tell the numbers to me in my ear. Once we separate and I’m alone, I pull out my cell phone and punch in his number. Most times, I’ll immediately send a text reminding him of my name and a descriptive trait so he’ll know who I am when he sees the message.
With some men, all this won’t be necessary. They’ll just grab your cell phone, punch in their number and call it so that their phone rings, giving them your number too. These are the guys that REALLY like you. They want to make sure that they get your number and let everyone else in the party know as well. This can ultimately prove to be both a gift and a curse (see my later post about obsessive dudes). I prefer not to use this method because in the past I’ve been handed password locked or hard-to-figure-out smartphones that just create awkward moments of fumbling around.
If he’s texting or calling you even before you leave the party, it means he wants’ to have sex that night. Seriously. I’ve seen it time after time. The only alternative is that they’re lonely and can’t wait to have real human interaction. But typically when they’re that thirsty, they just want sex. Its up to you if that’s also what you want. Tons of essays could be written on whether sex on the first night of meeting each other can still lead to relationships. If sex was your goal in the first place, then you’re good to go.
It takes two to tango. Back at your pad, ask him to pick out some soft music, or turn down the lights, or massage your back. Let him be your partner in setting up the sex scene. You might both be surprised by what develops naturally. Make him feel at ease and develop things naturally.
Co-Author Stingwood is the founder of the now defunct GuyTrap.com, a Gay discussion website where men traded hints and tips on attraction, love and sex topics.
* The title of this article was modified from the original text of "Art of Seduction: The Top 12 Ways To Pick Up Gay/Bisexual Men of Color" to reflect that I think the advice given here is clearly applicable to how to "meet" men and not neccessarily just for the intentions of sex which the original title misleadingly implies.
"Fear Eats the Soul"
I learned the other day on NPR that Arthur Conley was a gay man and like many gay men in his time, he lived in fear that the fundamental truth of his heart and his life would keep him from achieving the success he dreamed of. Arthur eventually left the U.S., changing his name and settling down in the much more gay-friendly European city of Amsterdam. Although he went on to perform in Europe, under an assumed name, he was never able to achieve the success that he found performing his timeless 1967 classic and worldwide hit, "Sweet Soul Music."
Thanks for the memories Arthur...
January 4, 1946 – November 17, 2003
"Fear Eats the Soul"
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Ranked 2nd strongest middleweight in the world, Rob Kearney is a true man's
man: strong, intense, potently masculine and powerful as a superhero.
October 29, 2014
Rob Kearney did not roll out of bed on October 20th thinking he would change the world. He just went about his day.
Of course, one of Rob's days is a lot more – how shall I put it? A lot more macho than the rest of us. With his imposing shoulders and rebellious mohaked hair, Rob Kearney is undoubtedly a certain type of red-blooded man's man; the type of powerhouse that holds the rest of us guys absolutely dumbstruck.
The guy moves quite literally tons of weight each week with nothing but his bare, brute strength. Rob's lifting and training make the rest of us gym goers look like we're playing a lazy game of croquet. His ability to use his thick, muscular frame to make immobile objects take momentum is astounding, and even intimidating. Thousands of pounds of steel and cement obey his aggressive, almost hostile muscular force. But unleashed, male super-strength is not uncommon to Rob. It is just a part of his day.
Rob Kearney is like a strength hero.
But this particular Monday would be one where Kearney shifted the thinking of an entire community and stepped – quite suddenly – onto the pages of social change in the history America, and perhaps the world. He is no foreigner to the spotlight; Rob is not only a professional strongman (yes, that means he lifts heavy stuff for cash money, folk), but he is in fact an international-level strongman competitor, competing on the world stage among the strongest human beings currently documented. He even recently won in the middleweight division of this contest making him, in effect, officially the strongest middleweight man on planet Earth.
You see, global acclaim is not a foreign thing to Kearney. And having managed these accolade's before age 25, he is clearly comfortable with being received with awe, envy and admiration. He knows what it is to become an icon of accomplishment. But what it is to become an icon of social heroism? Yeah, that would be a new one for Rob.
Built. Mohawked. Powerful. Driven.
This guy has always oozed masculine intensity.
You heard correctly: Rob Kearney, Professional StrongMan, World's Strongest Man Champion, strength coach of some of the toughest guys around, is happily dating a dude.
“My [man-crush Monday post] goes to . . . my boyfriend! The past few months have been crazy, but throughout all of this you’ve given me a reason to smile.
So I guess this is me coming out and saying... I’m gay!!”
As soon as his post hit, the strength and bodybuilding communities shifted a little. It was as if Atlas himself – the original strongman – momentarily giggled with affirming glee, and the world of powerful, musclebound men became just little more progressive.— Rob Kearney's Facebook Status, October 20th
You see, it is not just the fact that Rob was casually coming out of the closet as a strongman. I mean, it would be more than enough for the heteronormative world of strength competitors to absorb that one of the best men in the game was proudly into gaming with men. That would have been more than enough impact to make men reconsider gender models and women realize that not all that is physically rough is necessarily psychologically rigid. But the news of Rob's "coming out" was notable for a far more historical reason.
Rob Kearney is the first self-acknowledged gay man to be actively competing in pro-level, international strongman competition. Which means the name "Rob Kearney" is now an indelible addition to the long history of sexual equality in America and the world. He is in a pantheon of brave souls who decided to not hide for the fear of harming their social status or career aspirations.
Coming out in any arena is a pressure-filled venture. We often forget that this world is still rather ignorant when it comes to same-gender love and sex. There is plenty of hate brewing – and plenty of folks who act on that hate to cause harm and instill fear in those who may love another of the same sex. To be the first of something unique is not something we all get a chance to experience in life. But to be the first 'gay" something can be just as frightening as it can be positive.
Rob is a romantic at heart, and can't deny
that romance with a guy is what fulfills him.
This all speaks to Rob's character as a man. He understood that there might be consequences. "I thought it was important to be honest," he told me. "People need to know that one of the top strength athletes on the planet is also gay. But I didn't want it to affect my ability to compete. And that possibility definitely crossed my mind before I made that post."
But once made, the first reactions were overwhelming. "I can't remember this many people being this supportive and encouraging in my life!" he raved to me. "I mean, I have always had people back me for events, but that was nothing compared to the sheer numbers of positive messages that came to me. It was really humbling!"
But Rob is aware that the real impact of his revelation would be felt more gradually over time. "I am not only the first actively competitive professional world strongman," he explained to me. "I am also a gay strength coach."
And this was where I gushed in return to my colleague. "At last!" I thought. "At last I am not so fucking alone!" As most of you know, I have been coaching in the bodybuilding and competitive world for over 15 years, and am not only usually the only queer coach in the arena, but often the only out gay man in a given contest. Period. Having someone else step forward bravely was one thing; having it be someone with certified international athletic status is another. But that it was someone I always already a peer with took my elation to a whole new level.
Rob Kearney is one of my strength heroes.
Thank you for sharing your truth and helping change the ideas
of what it means to be a same gender loving person.
"Fear Eats the Soul"
Did Cartoon Network just censor their first representation of a same-sex kiss on air?
During a recent episode of "Clarence," the network featured an (extremely) brief gay kiss between two characters -- on either cheek. According to Queerty, not only is this the first same-sex kiss on Cartoon Network, but the characters serve no relevant plot purpose and seem to be on the receiving end of a tired joke.
HuffPost UK notes the scene was "changed in order to get the green light from Cartoon Network, who air the show."
While the actor has since made his tweets private, the original tweet can be viewed here.
The Huffington Post reached out to Cartoon Network but had not received a response at the time this story was published.
Watch it below:
"Fear Eats the Soul"