"A Little Sane Advice..."

Gay Men: 7 Red Flags He’s NOT Relationship Ready


February 17, 2016

Red Flags He Is Not Relationship Ready

Are you casually dating a guy right that you like but are concerned about some of his behaviors? Is it hard to discern if this man’s pros outweigh his cons? Finally, is there a nagging voice inside your head that keeps telling you – see how it goes and be careful?

If you answered yes to these questions, you wouldn’t be alone. When you hit it off with someone new, it’s only natural to want to see how things play out. Plus, it’s easy to discount what seems like small stuff when the two of you are having fun.

Is there really anyway of knowing if the guy you like is relationship material? If so, then what are the signs?

What follows are seven red flags that strongly suggest that guy you dig is NOT relationship ready.


Some of these points may seem obvious while others will cause you to pause and reflect. Read them all in order to fully absorb their deeper meaning.

Are you ready? Let’s jump right in!

1. He’s frequently parties

If that guy you like frequently parties, using Tina, Coke, “G” or any or any of the other substances that are part of the drug alphabet, he’s not relationship ready. Period – end of story. Underline the word frequently.

That may be hard to hear but it’s true. Guys who regularly sniff, snort and/or inhale often do so to medicate to emotional pain. That’s just not a recipe for a successful relationship – no matter how hot he is.

And what if he “just smokes pot?” Sorry, but if it’s a daily thing – difficult as it might be to hear this – he’s checking out of reality and not checking into you.

2. Drinking is part of his daily routine

Having a drink here or there is OK but if that guy you like needs to drink as part of his daily routine, there’s a good chance something else going on. Bear in mind that he needs alcohol in order to be with himself, he’s going to need it to be with you.

Daily, regular alcohol use that goes beyond social norms could be a sign of addiction. In fact, it’s one of the main reasons relationships don’t survive for the long term. The key phrase here is drinking is part of his daily routine.

3. He doesn’t know how to spend time with you alone

Have you noticed that the guy you are casually seeing seems to need to be around others – all the time? When you have tried to get him to chill out with you and relax alone, does he seem uncomfortable? Is there a vibe you are picking up on him that suggests he thrives on the attention of others?

When you run across a guy who can’t be with himself, it’s a surefire sign he’s battling inner demons. How can he be comfortable with you if he’s not comfortable with himself?

4. He doesn’t take care of his home

When you have visited his home, does it pretty much look like a train wreck? Have you noticed that he doesn’t take the time – ever – to clean or organize his living space? Is his bed perpetually unmade? Is he past the age of 30 but still living like a teenager?

We hate to break it to you but these are all strong indicators of a guy who is not relationship ready. Why? Because he apparently thinks his mother or some other person is going to magically swoop in and take care of him. Do you really want to be the guy to step into that role?

5. Can’t tune into you

Does the guy you like seem to struggle with tuning into your needs. On the flipside, does he regularly use phrases like: I want, I need …?

As part of ongoing dialogue with him, do your needs ever get considered? If the answer is no, read what follows carefully.

Guys who are consumed with their own needs and completely oblivious to the needs of others, including yours, are major narcissists. We do not use that phrase lightly.

Narcissism is a serious personality disorder that is all about being devoid of a “chip” that allows a person to empathize or sympathize. If he can’t be attentive to your needs now, what makes you think he will be able to so in the future?

Look at the totality of behaviors, including what’s happening (or not happening) in the bedroom. For example, if he’s a pillow princess – run for the hills.

6. He’s super indecisive

Have you found that the man that you are eying struggles with decision making? Have you noticed that he has difficulty making even the smallest of choices – like where to go for dinner or what movie to see?

Having moments of indecision from time to time is normal however, if he’s constantly in a state of suspended animation because he can’t decide anything, you should proceed with caution.

There’s a good chance this man is codependent and therefore unable to make decisions on his own.

7. He never reaches for his wallet

This one is a biggie but is often overlooked. Going on out dates can sometimes mean having to navigate through uncomfortable moments – like who is paying for dinner, coffee, etc. Most guys will suggest a 50/50 split. And still others might opt for the traditional, “I’ve got this one and you can take care of the next.”

Both are cool, right?

Sure but… if the guy you like never seems to reach for his wallet, even for the smallest of things, consider it a major red flag.

Guys who expect others to pay for their way often have serious entitlement issues.

You have to ask yourself – if it’s like this now – what will it be like if things get serious?

Final Thoughts

The world of dating and relationships can often be daunting. This is particularly true during the initial stages of a courtship, where everything seems wonderful and possible.

But if you listen to your inner voice while seeing the guy for who he is rather than what you want him to be, you will save a great deal of time and energy in the long run.

Someone special is out there – just waiting to be met. However, if you are tied up with a person who isn’t relationship ready, you might just miss that opportunity to meet Mr. Right.