Wednesday, September 30, 2015

"Gay PDA Is Okay!"


"These Are The Joys Of Love And Life... Live Fearlessly"




"We Were Always There..."


"We were happy together, even though we often lived in fear..."



"Selfie Love..."


 "Selfie Love" - those beautiful, grainy, out-of-focus self-pics that capture the truth of true love...



"It's True, Lovers Do Start To Look Alike..."


Amongst gay couples, it's often referred to as "A Boyfriend Twin"

"While you may be familiar with the old saying, “opposites attract,” in reality, what the heart wants is someone who resembles its owner and that resemblance increases the longer two lovebirds stay together.

University of Michigan psychologist Robert Zajonc conducted an experiment to test this phenomenon. He analyzed photographs of couples taken when they were newlyweds and photographs of the same couples taken 25 years later.

The results showed that the couples had grown to look more like each other over time. And, the happier that the couple said they were, the more likely they were to have increased in their physical similarity."


Read more about this interesting phenomenon here...


"Fear Eats the Soul"



"The Truth Even With Penguins..."



This happened in 2014...
The bonded couple are again expecting as they are hatching two adopted eggs this year!


"Fear Eats the Soul"



"This Made Me Smile..."


Whoops! Pizzeria That Refused To Cater Gay Weddings Just Catered A Gay Wedding
Joke's on them.

The Huffington Post
Cavan Sieczkowski
9/29/2015

Remember Memories Pizza, the Indiana restaurant that refused to serve same-sex couples at their weddings using the defense of Indiana's controversial Religious Freedom Restoration Act? Well, Memories just catered its first same-sex wedding without even knowing it.

Robin Trevino of the sketch comedy group GayCo married his partner Jason Delgatto on Saturday. Before the ceremony, he headed to Walkerton, Indiana, from his home in Illinois topick up pizzas for the reception.

Trevino captured the entire journey on video.

“For the reception, Memories Pizza will be catering our gay wedding," he says in the video shared on YouTube. "They have no idea this is going to happen, but it’s happening.”


While he might be involved with a sketch comedy group, Trevino's motives have sincere significance.

"Though I doubt my actions will have any impact on their belief system, at the very least, I hope this puts a human face to the people they discriminate against," he told The Huffington Post. "I'm not going to pretend that this was not done out of spite, but this also gives them an opportunity to see my happy family sharing a beautiful moment together."

He also had something to say to critics who took issue with his giving the establishment business.

"There has been some criticism that I gave them money and more attention," he wrote. "I was there on a random day, and they still get plenty of attention. There was a couple, during my 20 minute experience inside Memories Pizza, that were praising Crystal O'Connor for her beliefs. They assured her they only came because they saw her on the news. They asked if she signs a lot of autographs, and she confirmed that she does. It was worth the $27 I gave them to make a statement, and to break their winning streak."



"Same Gender Loving People - No 2140"


"At The Beginning Of Our Life Together..."

Positive images of people like me... The truth of the matter is that we all need to see people like ourselves. So everyday, I'll post a photo, drawing or some other artwork that depicts Same Gender Loving People as what we are... Only Human.



"The Truth About Who We Are..."

photo by Kevin TruongNiklaus, Zurich, Switzerland

by thegaymenproject
photos by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photo by Kevin Truong
photos by Kevin Truong
Niklaus, in his own words: " I have always seen my sexuality as only a part of my being human. Defining myself only through my sexuality seemed limited and restricting and didn't feel right. So being gay means to me that I have a deep sense of respect for other people and I probably have a better understanding of feeling different from the rest. Therefore I'm trying not to discriminate or judge people for their choices and I am grateful to have been born into a family that taught me to treasure and respect the opinions of others.
Life is a continuos maelstrom of challenges and successes, I guess. My answer is: A lot and hopefully many more...
(With regards to coming out) Was 16. Told my mother and brother first, my father later the same night. Everybody was supportive and proud that I was able to come out to them. Boring, really.
The gay community in Zurich is as multifaceted and colorful as a rainbow."


*********


"Fear Eats the Soul"



"The Artist's Corner..."


"Hero's Rest"
Oil on canvas
Lazaros Menelaou



Tuesday, September 29, 2015

"Gay PDA Is Okay!"


"Love Is Brave... Live Fearlessly"




"Selfie Love..."


 "Selfie Love" - those beautiful, grainy, out-of-focus self-pics that capture the truth of true love...



"We Were Always There..."


"A stolen kiss, love captured forever..."




"The Truth About Love And Family..."


It is only love that makes a family...



"A Little Sane Advice..."


Yesterday I hurt Gee’s feelings. Albeit unintentionally, the effect was the same. See, I tend to have conversations in my head and almost always need time to process my feelings/thoughts before engaging in decision making. I teeter-totter back and forth, weighing all the pros and cons and possible outcomes before settling on a POA. Some people would call this indecisiveness. Those people would be right! This can be a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because once I’ve had the time to think things through, I’m able to think logically rather than emotionally (I can be VERY emotional. SCRATCH THAT – I AM very emotional). It’s a curse because I tend to find myself in situations such as the one I’m writing about. Situations that can be easily avoided.

Here’s a brief rundown of what happened. Gee asked me a question about what I wanted to do that day. He had one thing in mind while I had another. The thing is, I wasn’t settled on what exactly it was that I wanted to do. I didn’t tell him this. So, I’m having this back and forth conversation in my head trying to decide what I want to do. Gee takes my silence as acceptance. I eventually decided to tell Gee that I wanted to hang out with some friends instead of the activity that he had planned. Cue the attitude. Cue the silent treatment. Cue the negative energy.

Later that evening, once we began discussing the particulars, I realized something that had a profound effect on me; a lesson that I will carry forever: had I simply expressed my feelings and desires and thoughts throughout the day, in the moment, we would not have ended up in the situation that we were in. Simple as that.

With that, here are 6 tips to foster healthier communication in your relationship.

#1. Find the Right Time.If something is bothering you and you would like to have a serious conversation about it, make sure you pick the right time to talk. Don’t interrupt your partner when they’re watching a TV show, about to go to sleep or stressed about an upcoming project. Tell your partner you would like to talk later and find a time when you’re in the same room and not doing anything important.

#2. Talk Face to Face.Avoid talking about serious matters or issues in writing. Text messages, letters and emails can be misinterpreted. Talk in person so there aren’t any unnecessary miscommunications.

#3. Do Not Attack.Even when we mean well, we can sometimes come across as harsh because of our word choice. Using “you” can sound like you’re attacking, which will make your partner defensive and less receptive to your message. Instead, try using “I” or “we.” For example, say “I feel like we haven’t been as close lately” instead of “You have been distant with me.”

#4. Be Honest.Agree to be honest. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it’s the key to a healthy relationship. Admit that you aren’t always perfect and apologize when you make a mistake instead of making excuses. You will feel better and it will help strengthen your relationship.

#5. Check Your Body Language. Make eye contact when speaking. Sit up and face your partner. Let your partner know you’re listening. Show them you really care. Don’t take a phone call, text or play a video game when you’re talking. Listen and respond.

#6. Use the 48 Hour Rule.If your partner does something that makes you angry, you need to tell them about it. But you don’t have to do so right away. If you’re still hurt 48 hours later, say something. If not, consider forgetting about it. But remember your partner can’t read your mind. If you don’t speak up when you’re upset, there is no way for them to apologize or change. Once you do mention your hurt feelings and your partner sincerely apologies, let it go. Don’t bring up past issues if they’re not relevant.

Juan



"The Truth About Love..."


"Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. What then kills love? Only this: Neglect."

- Jeanette Winterson



"Same Gender Loving People - No. 2139"


"Love And Marriage..."

Positive images of people like me... The truth of the matter is that we all need to see people like ourselves. So everyday, I'll post a photo, drawing or some other artwork that depicts Same Gender Loving People as what we are... Only Human.



"The Artist's Corner..."


"American Football Player"
Oil on canvas
Daniel Barkley



Monday, September 28, 2015

"Gay PDA Is Okay!"


"Love Is Happiness... Live Fearlessly"




"Adam and Andy..."



I love James Asal's "Adam and Andy" strip
Married life really is like this.




"It's True, Lovers Do Start To Look Alike..."


Amongst gay couples, it's often referred to as "A Boyfriend Twin"

"While you may be familiar with the old saying, “opposites attract,” in reality, what the heart wants is someone who resembles its owner and that resemblance increases the longer two lovebirds stay together.

University of Michigan psychologist Robert Zajonc conducted an experiment to test this phenomenon. He analyzed photographs of couples taken when they were newlyweds and photographs of the same couples taken 25 years later.

The results showed that the couples had grown to look more like each other over time. And, the happier that the couple said they were, the more likely they were to have increased in their physical similarity."


Read more about this interesting phenomenon here...


"Fear Eats the Soul"



"A Thought To Ponder..."


If you're not out, you're not free...



"Fear Eats the Soul"



"Selfie Love..."


 "Selfie Love" - those beautiful, grainy, out-of-focus self-pics that capture the truth of true love...



"We Were Always There..."


"We knew everyone could tell, love was all we cared about..."



"Same Gender Loving People - No. 2138"


"Love Is Love..."

Positive images of people like me... The truth of the matter is that we all need to see people like ourselves. So everyday, I'll post a photo, drawing or some other artwork that depicts Same Gender Loving People as what we are... Only Human.



"The Artist's Corner..."




Sunday, September 27, 2015

"The Truth About Love..."

Heartaches Of A Fool
Willie Nelson

Started out with the dreams
And the plans of a wise man
And ended up with the heartaches of a fool

As a boy I would walk through the valley
Gazed at the world all around
Made a vow that somehow I would find fame and fortune
I found it but look at me now

I had a sweetheart who would love me forever
Didn't need her, I would reign all alone
And look at me, I'm the king of a cold lonely castle
The queen of my heart is gone

So get around me, you fools for the dollar
Listen to me, a lesson you'll learn
Wealth is happiness and love sent from heaven above
And the fires of ambition will burn

Started out with the dreams
And the plans of a wise man
And ended up with the heartaches of a fool

I've been thinking about he who stole my heart and still possesses the better part of it... This song tells the story of us. That story started on this night nine years ago...




"Fear Eats the Soul"



"Gay PDA Is Okay!"


"Love Is Freedom... Live Fearlessly"




"The Things That Love Says..."



“Yours is the light by which my spirit's born: - you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.” 

― E.E. Cummings



"I Am Always Remembering..."


The date was September 27th.  It was the early Autumn of 2006. I was going on a blind dinner date to meet Stephen Christopher Harris for the first time.  Since we'd become online friends in August of that year, we had talked by phone for the first time the week before when he was preparing to return to Detroit from a work project in South Carolina.  We'd talked a couple of times after that and had exchanged a number of text messages by the time we agreed we'd meet one another for dinner that night.

We made the date earlier that week and I had been so nervously excited about meeting the man that already I knew I was falling in love with that I couldn't concentrate on anything.  When I got out of bed that Wednesday morning and went for my daily run, everything seemed beautiful and right with the world.  As I ran down the street, I thought of what I'd talk about with him that evening.  By the time I'd run my four miles and finally arrived back home, I had silently said many prayers about my hopes for our meeting that evening.  As I got ready for work, I decided I wanted to take him something that evening.  I thought flowers at first, but then remembered he mentioned liking sweets, so I settled on candy instead.

I left work early that day so that I could stop to buy a box of candy for Stephen.  But as I looked at the boxed chocolates, the boxes all seemed too "girly" in their decoration and I worried that he'd get the wrong idea of how I thought of him if I gave him something like that.  And I didn't want him to think me too effeminate either.  Instead, I bought a dozen assorted candy bars deciding I would wrap them as a present in some way when I got home.


At home, I searched through my big box of gift wrapping supplies in the attic until a found a lovely gold foil covered box with a matching ribbon and bow.  It had actually been a candy box from Christmas the year before, but it didn't have any markings on it at all.  I lined it with tissue paper and arranged the candy bars inside and closed it and stretched the ribbon and bow from corner to corner.  I thought it looked great and I thought to myself, this looks "manly" enough.  Then I turned my attention to getting myself ready for my anxiously anticipated date.

I was so tense and nervous that I hadn't realized how long I'd been in the shower until the water finally began to run cool.  As I rinsed myself under the cool water, finally I felt some of the intense stress begin to subside.  As I dried myself and as I wiped away the fog on the mirror, I paused to look at myself and I thought, "You haven't done much with this body have you...?"  And I wondered if he'd really find me attractive or even handsome in any way... But still, I hoped he would.

In Stephen's comments on my blog and in our brief conversations, he'd alluded to his thinking of me as being handsome, although I never thought as much about myself.  I remembered I had wondered all that day if he would look like his profile photo... although you couldn't see his face, you could see he was well-built, muscular and handsome.  A friend who'd seen his Yahoo 360 photo suggested that it probably wasn't him.  And to be honest, I though as much as well, but I had decided that I really didn't care one way or the other... so long as he was as "nice" as he had seemed to be in his comments and in the few conversations that we'd had up until then.  As I daydreamed in the mirror, I caught sight of the time and I quickly shaved and preened and groomed like had I never done before as my thoughts turned back to wondering what it was that he saw in me... Although I had more than a few pictures of myself posted on my blog and I was sure that he had a good idea of what I looked like, I hoped it was what I revealed about my heart that interested him most.

When I emerged from my bath, I rethought and agonized over what I should wear so much so that I was nearly in a panic as I changed shirts and pants repeatedly, never satisfied with how I looked.  In the end, I put back on the first outfit I'd tried on.  It was the same one that I'd picked out the night before, black twill pants, a tan faux silk shirt, a black sweater vest and black dress shoes.  Finally, surrounded by half my wardrobe on the floor around me, I stood in the mirror gazing at myself again from all angles as I practiced sucking in my gut, sticking my chest out and leveling my shoulders.  Finally I thought, "Okay, you're ready... but remember, first impressions are lasting ones..."  As I put on my best watch and the one other piece of jewelry I owned, my class ring from college, I grabbed the box of candy bars from the dresser and I headed downstairs.

I grabbed my best jacket from the closet and I stepped into the dining room and picked up my Mother's photo from the top of the server.  As I looked down at my Mom's picture, I asked her to wish me luck.  And as I replaced the photo and was about to leave, I thought to pray.  I got down on my knees and I asked that God might watch over me as I went out seeking what I already knew I was hoping would be true love.  I prayed that we both might have discernment about one another and that we might both know if we could  find in each other the precious desires of our hearts.  Although I had been nervous up to then, when I ended my prayer and stood up again, I felt warm, calm and genuinely happy.  I walked to my front door, took a deep breath and stepped across my threshold knowing there would be no turning back.

As I drove the five or six miles to the restaurant, I practiced the greeting I'd settled on... "Hi Stephen, it's great to finally meet you!"  Over and over again... "Hi Stephen..." Until finally it felt comfortable and natural.  By this time I had arrived at my destination,  I was on West Grand Boulevard in front of the Fisher building.  As I circled the building looking for a space to park, I found one right across from the restaurant entrance.  When I checked my watch, I realized that I was way early... it was only a couple of minutes past 7 pm.  We'd arrange to meet at the bar of the Grand City Grille at 7:30, so I sat in my car and wondered with each car that passed, "Is that him...?"  Then finally, at a quarter after 7, I got out, walked across the street and into the building.  When I got into the restaurant, I told the hostess that I wanted to wait at the bar for my dinner companion.  It was a Wednesday night, and the restaurant wasn't very busy at all.  The hostess pointed me in the direction of the bar and I took up a seat off to the side.

I had scanned the bar area before I sat down and none of the other patrons looked even remotely like they could be Stephen and so I realized that I had arrived first.  I thought, "Well, if I'm going to sit here, I should order a drink." I didn't drink at the time and I hadn't had an alcoholic drink since 1995, so when the bartender asked what I was having, I wasn't sure what to ask for.  I quickly settled on a Pepsi and as soon as I said it and saw the bartender begin to fill the glass, I regretted it.  I thought, "What will he think if he sees me sitting here with a Pepsi?"  So I quickly gulped it down.  Sitting there with my empty glass, time seemed to have slowed down and I found myself in deep contemplation about whether to eat the maraschino cherry that sat on top of the ice.  But as I was thinking about the cherry, I felt a hand on my shoulder and as I turned on the bar stool, I instantly recognized him, Stephen was standing there before me.


It seems strange to me now, but my very first thought upon seeing him was that he was not as tall as I had imagined him... Although we'd never discussed our height or any aspects of our appearances, I was genuinely surprised that I was good bit taller than him.  I remember he was casually dressed, yet there was a distinctive "crispness" about his appearance.  He was wearing blue jeans and a fitted white dress shirt that highlighted his broad shoulders and trim waist.  He was well groomed from head to toe and I could smell his cologne and it was as intoxicating as his appearance.  I thought happily, the photo in his profile was indeed of him.  He was quite handsome and I felt myself begin to blush as my blood ran warm in my veins and what must have been a very happy smile appeared on my lips.

"Christopher...?" he said to me as I stumbled to get out my well practiced greeting... Instead, I said, "Yes... Stephen...?" And then we were both smiling broadly as he extended his arm and I shook his hand.  He began to apologize that he was a little late, but I looked at my watch and said, "No, you're right on time, it's exactly 7:30."  Then, although he hadn't taken a seat, the bartender came over and asked what he'd like, and Stephen said, "Nothing thanks." Then he asked me, "Are you ready to eat?"  I said, yes and he turned and signaled to the hostess who came over and seated us in a corner booth with a round table.  At first we were both kind of clinging to the opposite open ends of the booth such that the full width of the table was between us, but then he slid further around towards the middle and invited me to do the same by motioning for me to move over on the seat next to him.  I moved closer and we started to talk...

When the waiter came with the menus, we had both become so comfortable and engrossed with each other, that we didn't even notice him until, he placed the menus in front of us.  As the waiter told us of the specials, I think he realized that we were on a date, his own smile gave it away.  As he asked about drinks, Stephen asked what I'd like, I said a Pepsi and he ordered ice water with lemon.  When the waiter left to get our drinks, Stephen said he likes to drink a lot of water and always has lemon.  That became my first mental note about his likes and dislikes, and as we talked, in the back of my mind, I carefully recorded it as an important fact.  As we perused the menu, he asked what I'd like, telling me, "Have whatever you want, this is my treat!"  And we talked about what was on offer, he settled on a New York Strip Steak and I chose Roasted Garlic Chicken Fettuccine.

When the waiter returned, he still had that "knowing" smile on his face and it didn't bother me at all.  I was in the midst of my coming out to my family and friends and it felt good to be out and about in the world, just being myself and being unafraid.  As he sat the drinks on the table, he asked, "Are we ready to order gentlemen?" and Stephen immediately said, "Yes, we are... I"ll have the New York Strip medium well with the loaded potato and can I get asparagus with that?" The waiter said, "Yes, you can, and for you Sir?" and before I could speak, Stephen said, "He'd like the Roasted Garlic Chicken Fettuccine."  No one had ever ordered for me that way, but when he did, it confirmed in my mind (and for our waiter) that yes, we were a couple out on a dinner date.  And in that moment, I felt more human and truly alive than I had at anytime ever before in my life.  It was a moment I've never forgotten... a moment of true happiness and joy recorded in the annals of my mind to be remembered forever.

Later that evening, after enjoying our meals and an incredible conversation, as the waiter brought the check, I asked if he could package the rest of my entree as it had been a really large portion.  He said, "Of course, Sir" as he took my plate away while Stephen looked over the check and placed a credit card in the folio.  The waiter brought back a small bag with handles which inside held a black foam dish with the rest of my fettuccine.  Stephen and I talked and laughed and enjoyed each other's company for a good while longer before we finally decided it was time to go.  As we left the restaurant, I asked where he'd parked, and he said, "Just around the corner..."  I offered to drive him to his car since I was parked right across the street.  He agreed and got in, and I drove him around the building to where he'd parked his car.

We sat there in my car talking for a few minutes more, neither of us I wanting to part from the other.  In that first evening together, it was as if we'd been old friends reunited after some long separation.  But reluctantly, I finally decided it was time to go as I told him how much I'd enjoyed our time together and how I hoped we'd do it again soon.  He promised we would as he gently brushed the back of my hand which was resting on the seat between us.  "I'll call you," he said as he opened the door and then reached back in for the golden candy box on the dashboard.  I'd given him my gift before I pulled away from my parking space across from the restaurant, and the warm smile on his face when I placed it in his hands brought joy to my heart.  He said thank you again as he closed the door, and I watched him get into his own car and drive away.  I didn't fully realize it then, but as he left that night, along with the golden box, he took with him a piece of my heart that I never got back.  But I was happier than I could remember ever being before as I drove myself home while replaying in my mind's eye all the moments of what I still remember to be one of the most wonderful nights of my life.

When I got home, I took the foam dish with the remnants of my meal from the bag and put it into the refrigerator.  The next day at work, I enjoyed the fettuccine for lunch, but as I went to throw-away the foam dish, I stopped myself.  Instead I carefully washed it and brought it back home that evening and I put it away at the top of the cupboard.  Even then, I realized it would become a precious memento of the day of our meeting.  As I looked at it again tonight, I remembered the joy I felt as I went to bed thinking of him late that night... It was Wednesday, September 27th 2006 and nothing was ever the same afterwards.

I am always remembering...


"Fear Eats the Soul"


Once you've loved someone, can you ever really forget, do you ever actually stop loving them...?
I've learnt that 9 years on, the answer is no.


IWTFY



"The Whisper Of Truth..."


The Whisper app allows users in anonymity to share secrets.


"Fear Eats the Soul"



"It's True, Lovers Do Start To Look Alike..."


Amongst gay couples, it's often referred to as "A Boyfriend Twin"

"While you may be familiar with the old saying, “opposites attract,” in reality, what the heart wants is someone who resembles its owner and that resemblance increases the longer two lovebirds stay together.

University of Michigan psychologist Robert Zajonc conducted an experiment to test this phenomenon. He analyzed photographs of couples taken when they were newlyweds and photographs of the same couples taken 25 years later.

The results showed that the couples had grown to look more like each other over time. And, the happier that the couple said they were, the more likely they were to have increased in their physical similarity."


Read more about this interesting phenomenon here...


"Fear Eats the Soul"



"Selfie Love..."


 "Selfie Love" - those beautiful, grainy, out-of-focus self-pics that capture the truth of true love...



"We Were Always There..."


"We were free to love at the cabin..."



"Same Gender Loving People - No. 2137"


"Love Starts The Day Together..."

Positive images of people like me... The truth of the matter is that we all need to see people like ourselves. So everyday, I'll post a photo, drawing or some other artwork that depicts Same Gender Loving People as what we are... Only Human.



"The Artist's Corner..."


"Nightshade"
Oil on Panel
James Huctwith



"I Wrote This For You In The Light Of The Lover's Moon..."

When I went to bed last night, I remembered all the days I wished you, "Sleep well, Dearest."  This even as I kissed my husband goodnight, you were there, silent and unseen, but there nonetheless.

This morning, as I awoke next to my husband and as I reflected on our love, our family and the pleasant tide of life that has finally come, you were there, silent and unseen, but there nonetheless.

When I looked out this morning at the Lover's Moon high on the sky, I remembered you as I stood alone, but never really alone at the window, there in the moonlight, you were there, silent and unseen, but there nonetheless.

Then, when I knelled to pray, you were there, even as you had been once upon a time. You were there in the moonlight listening to me implore God to watch over and bless you. You were there, silent and unseen, but there nonetheless.

And now it's the morning of the Lover's Moon, and I'm remembering that it was on this day so many moons ago that you first appeared by my side... And now nine years on, you are still here... When I sit on the sofa we spent so many evenings on, my husband and my children see only me, but I am never alone, you are there, silent and unseen, but there nonetheless.

And this, this is the power of love, it transcends time, and space, fear and hate, and even the arrival of a new love... Love, true love, it lives on forever. Thus, at the window this morning, you were there, silent and unseen, but there nonetheless, forever in the moonlight, forever in the depths of my heart, forever beside me... This is love.


"Fear Eats the Soul"



Saturday, September 26, 2015

"Gay PDA Is Okay!"


"Love Is Brave... Live Fearlessly"




"A Little Sane Advice..."


10 Topics Gay Guys Should Never Bring Up On A Date

GayGuys.com
David Artavia
September 23, 2015

Dating is a lot of fun, but it also can be quite terrifying. We never know what’s going on inside his head, but we sure as hell can control what comes out of our mouths. Certain topics you might think are safe, for the most part, can end up sending you on a nosedive. Here are a few you should stay away from:

#1) Your Sex Position.

As much as you want to know if he’s a top or bottom, it’s not going to be very classy bringing it up on a date (especially the first one). It can be pretty tempting when you’ve had a few drinks between you, but try to keep the focus on building a connection that’s emotional.


#2) Your Sob Story.

No one wants to hear about how dysfunctional your family is, how your ex left you with nothing, or how sad or depressed you are because of x, y, z. The goal is to have FUN on a date, not make him (or you) sad. Keep the sob stories to yourself.


#3) Everything That Annoys You.

You don’t want to seem too bitchy at the beginning, so lay off the constant complaints about everything: the waiter, the food, your friends, the d├ęcor. This isn’t a reality show and you aren’t here to judge anything. Simply have a good time and embrace positivity.


#4) Yourself.

The point of a date is to get to know each other, sure, but there’s a fine line between letting him know who you are as a person and making it all about you: “I did this, I did that, I worked with so-and-so, I’m a big deal…” It can turn into a pitch real quick if you let it.


#5) Your Money Situation.

Money is something that shouldn’t be brought up other than a simple, “I’m comfortable” or “I’m still working my way up.” Frankly it’s no one’s business but your own when it comes to personal finances. More often than not we think it’s a make or break situation—if I don’t make X amount of money, he’ll lose interest, so I need to talk about it. Trust me, you don’t want to sell your bank account. You want to sell yourself.


#6) Your Failing Health.

Chronic illness sucks, but leave it at the hospital. Nothing squeezes the energy down quicker than someone bringing up their failing health on a date. It can either scare them away or make them feel incredibly awkward. There’s nothing to gain from talking about it.


#7) Your Exes.

Leave the past behind you, especially the men. Don’t bring up your crummy ex-relationship because it will only make you seem unavailable. You want him to know that you’re an open book and looking ahead to the future, rather than the past.


#8) Your Addictions.

You may have been addicted to sex, drugs, or pot. But wait a few dates before you tell him about it, especially the stories behind them. You might scare a man away if you tell him about the crazy sex encounter you had five years ago.


#9) Your Demands.

It’s okay to have non-negotiables, but for God’s sake at least wait until you know each other a little better before you present “the list.” He’s a man, not a customer service rep. Relish in an organic connection before you present a practical side of things.


#10) Your Corrections.

I’ve been on dates where guys feel the need to “correct” my wrongs. This is never a good idea. You don’t want to seem like a control freak, especially about small things like clothing options, restaurant choices, or how to kiss better. You’ll make him feel inadequate and judged. Leave it to yourself.




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