"A Little Sane Advice..."

15 Ways Gay Guys Can Improve Their Relationships

Jerry Plaza
October 15, 2014


So many people want to be in relationships, and you know what? I don’t blame them. Life is better shared, but for those of us single guys in the dating pool, there are some nifty things we can do to improve our relationships moving forward. Here are a select few:

#1) Acknowledge the circumstance in which you met. I can’t tell you how many guys I know who are shocked the boyfriend they met on Grindr cheated on them. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of great guys on hookup apps, but there must be some kind of responsibility when putting yourself out there. If you fall in love with a boy you met dancing on the tables, you can’t be surprised if he wants to continue the party. Use your head.

#2) Take responsibility for the things you Tweet. Social media is non-negotiable today, but so many people fail to see how easy it is to shift our reputation from a simple status update. You can’t keep depending on your Facebook friends to act as your therapist. If all your statuses are depressing rants it’s no wonder everyone thinks you have issues and aren’t entirely ready for a relationship. Be responsible for the things you write, they are, after all, one of the only windows people have into your life.

#3) Don’t rush to get married because you can. Marriage equality is fabulous and there are so many gay couples getting married, but most of them have been together 10 plus years. Just because we can get married doesn’t we have to. Marriage is a huge commitment and it’s a bitch getting out of it. Think before you take the leap.

#4) Stop obsessing over pipe dreams if you’re not trying to make it a reality. Make the most out of what you have now because the longer you keep striving for fantasies, the more you will take yourself out of the real world. You’re here together – that should be cherished while you have it. Make stories rather than dreams.

#5) Own your mistakes. We’ve all made mistakes on the way to finding a man. Hell, I’ve been around the block so many times I can’t remember straight, but the one thing you have to do is own them. Never be ashamed or attempt to disregard them, otherwise you’ll be missing out on valuable lessons.

#6) Stop resenting other people who have better boyfriends. Don’t get mad at your best friend whose boyfriend has his shit together and is climbing his way to the top while yours is still working at a coffee shop and plays PlayStation all day. You want your man to get it together? Speak up. Don’t resent and never use it as a weapon against him. This will make him insecure. If you’re going to express concern, at least do it in a nice way.

#7) Be his number one fan. It doesn’t matter if he wants to quit his day job and start his own circus act, if you love him, you’ll support him 100%. That doesn’t mean you can’t give him constructive criticism, but there’s a fine line between criticizing and downright shaming. Your partners, which means you support each other both at your highs and lows. When you second-question your love the second things don’t go his way, it’s clear you were only in love with his success rather than his heart. When you say congratulations, actually mean it. It does wonders.

#8) Go to as many festivals, concerts, or public get-togethers as you can. When you’re among other people you create a bigger need to stick together as a unit, which unconsciously creates a tighter bond (also more opportunities for endless selfies). While you’re holding hands watching your favorite performer sing your favorite song, you’re creating a memory that’s going to be ingrained forever.

#9) Stop pushing off fabulous holidays with your buddies! They were your friends probably before you even met the love of your life. They deserve to remain at the forefront as much as humanly possible. Quit making excuses not to go to Fire Island or P-town or Vegas for a weekend. Get over it already and let your hair down.

#10) Stop depending on text messages to express love. Texts are emotionless, i.e. the only messages they typically send are dry undertones unless you fill it with exclamation points and smiley faces, which you should never do.

#11) Travel the world together. If not the world, the country; if not the country, the state; if not the state, go have a damn picnic at your city’s park. It doesn’t really matter how far or how expensive it is. The most important thing is collaborative discovery. There’s nothing like saying in unison “Wow. I didn’t know that” or “Oh my gosh, I had no idea the world was this beautiful.” There’s magic in simultaneous discoveries.

#12) Find a shared hobby you can do together. Maybe you have an infatuation with BRAVO, or perhaps it’s scrapbooking, beach days, Scrabble, online poker, whatever the hell it is, doing something you both genuinely like is always going to build a stronger connection.

#13) Get the hell out of the past. He’s not your ex nor is he your dad, uncle, brother, high school bully or any other man figure you might be able to associate him with. He’s his own person. The sooner you realize that the more open you’ll make yourself.

#14) Know each other’s friends and family. I know, I know. It’s hard to try and mesh both worlds, especially at the beginning. But there are countless of benefits in doing so when you’re still building a bond. You don’t have to get along with them, but it’s always a plus to know a few more people that love and respect him as much as you do.

#15) Know when and how to say goodbye. It’s easy to base our feelings on what we want or the things we’ve been through together, but if it’s not meant to be, it’s just not. Going from a relationship to being single might feel like a failure, but it’s not. You’re not alone and never have been. Saying goodbye doesn’t have to be so drastic. Life is supposed to be cherished and fun. When it stops to be both of those things, it’s time to let go – sometimes a breakup is the best thing we can do to maintain our happiness.

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"Fear Eats the Soul"